One On One With Her Highness( Abuse Against Women)

For the very first time in Blogville, here's Jaybabe's mum. I was with her at one wedding back home over the weekend. We really did had a great time.

For a while now, i had been asking myself why i have to go through what i go through when it comes to men. I always ask myself if there's anything wrong i've done to deserve all this treatment. Why is it that i have to be sooo overprotected like that in a relationship? As if i can't take care of myself. Very good care oooh!! But no, all i get is 'i'm bahaving like this because i don wanna lose you'...!God! is that how somebody should behave if they don wanna lose someone? What makes them think they'll lose me?

Anyway, there's a tswana saying that, when interpreted, means that whatever will happen to me, will also happen to my young one, more or less the same. Whatever i go through, he/she will also go through the same. For example, my mum gave birth to me when she was 18, and i gave birth to Vicky when i was 19. Maybe Vicky will have her first baby either at 18, 19 or 20. I donno. Maybe.

My point here, is that i got into a one on one chat with my mum, about all that i go through in relationships. Yes i wanted to know if she went through the same kinda thing when she was growing up. Only to find that my mum's case was worse than mine.
My mum and i are friends. Very close friends. We talk about anything and everything, anytime, anywhere.

She told me about her experiences with men. One experience of hers that really shattered me was when she told me how she lost somebody she loved dearly. The guy commited suicide after he went to my mum's house and didnt find her at home. He never tried to find answers from my mum of where she went to. My mum said she was devastated. Especially that the guy left a note, that if people wanted to know why he did what he did, they should ask my mum. My mum said they never fought or had any misunderstandings b4 the suicide thing happened. So even up till now she doesn't know exactly why that guy took his life...

What scares me the most is that she said...its goinno be like that, for as long as i live...because she's been leaving like that herself...that's why she doesn't want any man in her life right now.
The advice i got from my mum was that, everytime something of this sort happens, i should always keep quiet. If he gets angry i should listen and not talk back at him. I should always apologise even if i know dep down that i aint the wrong one.

Guys, if at all it was written, is there anything i can do to change all that? Should i just forget about trying to change another person and accept that my life was meant to be that miserable? I mean i want to love someone, i want to be loved. I want to trust someone, i want be trusted. I dont wanna leave this kinda life because i dont want Vicky to go through the same things...Please help!

Forgive And Forget

As children of God, everyday we wrong him in everyway possible, but everyday He does forgive us. Who are we not to forgive people who wrong us? I once suggested this topic on national radio, and it won a lot of votes for it to be discussed. And believe you me it was a heated argument. I was like at which point do somebody REALLY say they’ve forgiven someone else? Totally forgiven them? And what does it take for somebody to say they’ve forgiven another person?

The truth is you can say that you’ve forgiven someone. But sometimes when you sit and look deep into your heart, you’ll still feel that urge to revenge on the person who wronged you. Do you guys still remember Lebo? The girl I once wrote about. That my ex and I used to be their housemate? Okay, here is how it was. I was still co-habiting with the guy I got engaged to in 2004. When he started work, he was allocated a house at one of the flats in Gabz. Because he wasn’t married, he was gonna share that house with one of his co-workers. That co-worker of his was a lady who had a teenage daughter, Lebo. My ex and I took this little girl as our lil sister you know? Sometimes we’ll help her out with her school work. Sometimes I’ll permit my ex to take her out to the afternoon movies if I had something to do, maybe at work or something. Sometimes I’ll go shopping with her. Buy her anything she wanted. We even have a blue boobtube top that look exactly the same, because I bought it for myself, and when she saw it, she said she wanted it too. So I got him to buy it for her. She was really like a sister. Especially that she is the only child and I’m the only child too, so you know, the feeling, like they say, was mutual. She is 7 years my junior.

When we moved to our own flat, Lebo and I didn’t lose any touch. She used to come to our house. Stay there. Help me bathe the kids. Sleep over. Stay with the kids while my ex and I went out. You know?, she helped out in everything. She was there all the time. She was even there when i and him started having problems. I still remember the sms’s we exchanged during that time.

To cut the long story short, when I moved out of my ex’s house Lebo moved right in! Ha! Sometimes you just can’t believe some other things would you? No matter how much you try. Of course I had problems with that. I started asking myself, when did their relationship really start? Were they still going out when we were still sharing the house? Did I give them space to be together, all those times I permitted him to take her out? Sometimes I went home to my mum alone, and he stayed behind. Did I give them enough chance to do whatever they were doing? Did I push him to her? Was Lebo taking advantage of my being nice to her? I mean, my ex and I used to talk to her mum. To let her be, because he mother was always after her! Like she had to come home early. She didn’t have any friends. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house even on weekends, unless my ex or I went out with her. She was supposed to answer her cell phone right here, in the sitting room, no snicking out! And when I came to know that my ex and Lebo were going out, and that HER mother was in support of the relationship, I was like, all that time, was she preparing Lebo for the guy? God!!!

Okay. I came to leave with it. I accepted it. I was like okay fine, I’ve lost him to her. No problem. We talking 2005. And since then I haven’t really gotten to know how they are doing and all. Really I let things go, decided to move on with my life. But just as I thought my life with them was over, it has started again.

I’m pictured here with Lebo. Faith is that one in a red sweater. We were at Doc’ kitchen top-up party the weekend before. Yes she came. I guess with my cousin Faith. We hugged. And later she asked to see me in private…guys…that was really like a nightmare…!

And then on Monday when we were at the office and people were by my computer, looking at the party pictures, they wanted to know what Lebo was doing at the party because she had wronged me? My people, I don’t take it that Lebo wronged me, like I told her when she wanted to apologize that night, ‘’You didn’t wrong me in anyway. I just take it that Rogy wanted to get back at me, and you only happened to get caught in the act. It wasn’t your fault. Really. To me, you are still my kid sister.’’ Yeah you guessed right. She cried. Especially now that her and the guy are not together anymore.

When she asked to see me in private that party night, she told me everything that happened between her and him. Everything. I donno why, people say that I’m a good listener. Lebo told me that some of the things she told me that night, she never told anyone. Not even her very own mother. She wanted to know how I got over the guy. She wanted to know how she could get over him. She wanted me to help her out. Help her heal. I didn’t tell her much. Just a few words. ‘’You might think that you’ve wronged me, but like I said, I don’t take it that way. I have forgiven you and forgotten everything that happened. So do likewise: Forgive and Forget.’’

So guys, I wont update until the 1st of April. I’m expecting something to happen from the 20th till the 28th March. Up till then, take good care of yourselves, and have a blessed Easter Holy’s. When we come back, and if you all are luck, I’ll tell you all about it. If you ain’t lucky, then just forgive and forget!

Ciaaooo!