Monday, March 17, 2008

Forgive And Forget

As children of God, everyday we wrong him in everyway possible, but everyday He does forgive us. Who are we not to forgive people who wrong us? I once suggested this topic on national radio, and it won a lot of votes for it to be discussed. And believe you me it was a heated argument. I was like at which point do somebody REALLY say they’ve forgiven someone else? Totally forgiven them? And what does it take for somebody to say they’ve forgiven another person?

The truth is you can say that you’ve forgiven someone. But sometimes when you sit and look deep into your heart, you’ll still feel that urge to revenge on the person who wronged you. Do you guys still remember Lebo? The girl I once wrote about. That my ex and I used to be their housemate? Okay, here is how it was. I was still co-habiting with the guy I got engaged to in 2004. When he started work, he was allocated a house at one of the flats in Gabz. Because he wasn’t married, he was gonna share that house with one of his co-workers. That co-worker of his was a lady who had a teenage daughter, Lebo. My ex and I took this little girl as our lil sister you know? Sometimes we’ll help her out with her school work. Sometimes I’ll permit my ex to take her out to the afternoon movies if I had something to do, maybe at work or something. Sometimes I’ll go shopping with her. Buy her anything she wanted. We even have a blue boobtube top that look exactly the same, because I bought it for myself, and when she saw it, she said she wanted it too. So I got him to buy it for her. She was really like a sister. Especially that she is the only child and I’m the only child too, so you know, the feeling, like they say, was mutual. She is 7 years my junior.

When we moved to our own flat, Lebo and I didn’t lose any touch. She used to come to our house. Stay there. Help me bathe the kids. Sleep over. Stay with the kids while my ex and I went out. You know?, she helped out in everything. She was there all the time. She was even there when i and him started having problems. I still remember the sms’s we exchanged during that time.

To cut the long story short, when I moved out of my ex’s house Lebo moved right in! Ha! Sometimes you just can’t believe some other things would you? No matter how much you try. Of course I had problems with that. I started asking myself, when did their relationship really start? Were they still going out when we were still sharing the house? Did I give them space to be together, all those times I permitted him to take her out? Sometimes I went home to my mum alone, and he stayed behind. Did I give them enough chance to do whatever they were doing? Did I push him to her? Was Lebo taking advantage of my being nice to her? I mean, my ex and I used to talk to her mum. To let her be, because he mother was always after her! Like she had to come home early. She didn’t have any friends. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house even on weekends, unless my ex or I went out with her. She was supposed to answer her cell phone right here, in the sitting room, no snicking out! And when I came to know that my ex and Lebo were going out, and that HER mother was in support of the relationship, I was like, all that time, was she preparing Lebo for the guy? God!!!

Okay. I came to leave with it. I accepted it. I was like okay fine, I’ve lost him to her. No problem. We talking 2005. And since then I haven’t really gotten to know how they are doing and all. Really I let things go, decided to move on with my life. But just as I thought my life with them was over, it has started again.

I’m pictured here with Lebo. Faith is that one in a red sweater. We were at Doc’ kitchen top-up party the weekend before. Yes she came. I guess with my cousin Faith. We hugged. And later she asked to see me in private…guys…that was really like a nightmare…!

And then on Monday when we were at the office and people were by my computer, looking at the party pictures, they wanted to know what Lebo was doing at the party because she had wronged me? My people, I don’t take it that Lebo wronged me, like I told her when she wanted to apologize that night, ‘’You didn’t wrong me in anyway. I just take it that Rogy wanted to get back at me, and you only happened to get caught in the act. It wasn’t your fault. Really. To me, you are still my kid sister.’’ Yeah you guessed right. She cried. Especially now that her and the guy are not together anymore.

When she asked to see me in private that party night, she told me everything that happened between her and him. Everything. I donno why, people say that I’m a good listener. Lebo told me that some of the things she told me that night, she never told anyone. Not even her very own mother. She wanted to know how I got over the guy. She wanted to know how she could get over him. She wanted me to help her out. Help her heal. I didn’t tell her much. Just a few words. ‘’You might think that you’ve wronged me, but like I said, I don’t take it that way. I have forgiven you and forgotten everything that happened. So do likewise: Forgive and Forget.’’

So guys, I wont update until the 1st of April. I’m expecting something to happen from the 20th till the 28th March. Up till then, take good care of yourselves, and have a blessed Easter Holy’s. When we come back, and if you all are luck, I’ll tell you all about it. If you ain’t lucky, then just forgive and forget!

Ciaaooo!

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

i don't think the human heart is capable of total forgiveness, instead we learn to tolerate those that have offended us, basically because we cant avoid contacts with them, as soon as we can cut out contacts, seeking their names in our phone book will be harder than climbing the himalayas

InCogNaija said...

wow!! its kindda hard to totally forgive i must admit.
make sure that u come back with enough stories in april, tk care of urself and be breezy!!

Jayn Sean said...

@Spreza...you are very right. I haven't forgiven that gal, but again at the same time i can't shan her outta my life. I feel really sorry for her you know? I feel that right now she needs me more than she has ever needed anyone. So i'm gonna do the besr i can to make her see reason in moving on forgetting about the whole ordeal. Thanx for that comment. And again..thanx for stopping by...

@Incognaija...hey sucker!..no! i meant to say hey handsome! so you around? Yeah its really hard mann! Wish it was otherwise.
I'll surely bring some stories, but dont have your hopes high, i can't promise that.

How you doing sonn?

Jyde said...

Girl, this is so difficult to believe... How can you be so accommodating?

I guess "you have passed from death unto life..."

Zayzee said...

good u forgave her. thankfully, i have always been able to forgive and forget, cos its the only way i find peace and the ability to move on. revenge does no good. most times, it causes more havoc. still, i will say that Lebo probably only apologized cause they are no longer together. Ha!

Zayzee said...

and happy Easter. and can't wait to find out what will happen btwn 20th and the 1st. ahve fun though

Jayn Sean said...

@Jyde..i can't even believe it myself. I was like what the heck! If i dont forgive and forget about all this, when will i have time for my own self? You know? Maybe thats y i did forgave her.
I have definitely passed from death unto life! Wow! You said it better! Thanx for passing by sef..

@Zayzee...yah you know, at 1st i thought so too. Ans i was right. Just that right now she wants to know how i moved on, even though something like that happened you know? Igues how i moved on will help her do that too, am always happy to know that somebody can use my experience to sort out their lifes you know?

I'll surely have fun girl. Will be by you in a min..

Thirty + said...

It is not an easy task to forgive and forget except with God's help.

Whatever is happenign between 20th and 28th will be successful in Jesus name

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Wow, I must commend you for your ability to forgive her.

Enjoy Easter and we'll see you next month. Best of luck.


NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

bumight said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bumight said...

I'm glad u were able to forgive her. in this type of situation, forgiveness doesnt come cheap!

PS: i got bored with my url!

Jayn Sean said...

@30+...righfully said.

Amen to that oo!**smiles**

@S.S.D...I must admit, it took a while for me to finally forgive. But i'm happy i did.Thanx for the wish.

@Bumight..you got bored of the url or you got bored with pple who came over there? Coz you shud have told us where to go to find. I was like, ''eeh! so now this babe doesn't want to see me by her blog abih?''..well..s'good now i know where to find you.

diary of a G said...

i commend you JayLove, and the way you told her was just the right thing to say. Shit she was sfter all 7 years your junior

Happy Easter
one love

Afrobabe said...

I would have so kicked her ass...rubbish...would have rubbed it in...oh he dumped u huh...foolish girl....

You better be back on the 1st cos that's my birthday...

Jayn Sean said...

@Diary...i donno..i just feel sorry for her you know? Coz what i knew was that, that guy was only gonna use her and dump her like that. I donno why i felt that way but its exactly the way it happened. Right now she's crying her lungs out on my back to help her make it threw. Like i said i will. She was a child. She didnt know what she was getting herself into.

Happy easter too sonn!

@Afro..i can't really say who dumped who you know? It was kinda like coming to an agreement that, this thing is not working out. Lets just call it quits. But then he didnt do it the way we agreed. Thats y some things came in to the picture, and some people, a lotta people, came into the picture. But we didnt really planned it that way.

The 1st is your buff day? Oh my God! lemme see wot i'm gonna get for you...ermmmm....

Unknown said...

That's a sad, cute, lil story.
True forgiveness is what you've shown cause I don't know if I can summon enough courage to do what you've done.

Hope all's well with you and the kids

O'Dee said...

Wow! that was some seriously deep stuff 2 4giv. God bless u.

Aphrodite said...

Hmmm...it always ends the same way. They break up! YOu know whats not urs will never be urs and if u steal someone's man, another person will steal him away form u...thats karma!

Very mature of u to forgive her.
Take care babe.

Sam Oracle said...

Forgive and forget? I would definitely find that one hard to forgive. Itz all for good anyway.

Whassup Jaybabe.

the antipop said...

i say you have some soulthat i cant relate to. i can not forgive that easily. you wrong me, you are a bitch fr ever. gal you got good in you

Mizrepresent said...

Wow! You have a beautiful soul to be so forgiving...a blessing as i see it. Have a wonderful and blessed Easter holiday my sister!

Jennifer A. said...

Mizrepresent took the words right outta my mouth...you DO have a beautiful soul if u can forgive, move on, and even communicate in such a manner.

God bless u and happy easter! :)

Parakeet said...

HMM...touching story. I've been stung by a close friend in much the same way before so I can relate with how you feel. I think your ex took advantage of Lebo being that he's the older one and he should have respected you. She was also aided by her mother. If you think about that incident without feeling hurt or hate towards either her, her mother and your ex then I'd say you've truly forgiven. Forgetting the details may not be possible, but when you do remember and it does nothing to you, I guess you've forgotten in the way the bible asks us to. Well done my dears...

Unknown said...

I am sorry that happened to you.


I believe in Forgiving but I don't believe in that forgetting buisness because when you are busy forgetting, you are forgetting the situation that landed you in that situation. You go through situations to learn from it, to make sure certain things DO NOT repeat themselves.

I learnt from something that got me down from 2006, after I learnt from it...it made me harder, stronger and more willing to succeed and trust me when I sit back and look back, I take GREAT joy from having the LAST LAUGH!!. Yes, I know sounds horrible but that is what it is.

anonymous gal(retired blogger) said...

U are a strong gal. alot of pple wld not have spoken to her. she wants u to help her heal? such guts. hmm he who laffs last...

princesa said...

We forgive but do we really forget??

Jayn Sean said...

Thanx guys for dropping by my page. I have been having a hango over the easter break and also counting down my leave days.

It was a good public holiday.special in its ways. i stayed home and had all the fan there...

The party girl didnt move own ooo!!! ask me why tehn it turned out to be a very good easter for me?

But hopefully ama find sometime now that i have had a good rest to post ....

Lady A said...

WOW!!! I am so proud of you! You go girl, and we all can learn from this.

Unknown said...

lol!!

chineke!! that hangover no pass yet ehn??


:-(

Unknown said...

Hope you are bouncing in the lord everyday?

How are your kids doing?

bumight said...

got bored by the people who came over there ke? Never!
I knew u guys would know how to find me! ok, ok, I'll admit I loved puttin u guys to the chase, lol!

Eyin'ju Oluwa said...

There's power in forgiveness, it places you one step ahead!

So babes, what happened? Any gist?

Jay said...

You have a big heart, i believe in forgiving but unfortunately have photographic memory when it comes to things like that.... Good on you though.

Just been stalking your blog among many, like the stories. Will be visiting more... keep on writing

doll (retired blogger) said...

I can relate with this post....i actually find it unusually easy to forgive people.....