For the very first time in Blogville, here's Jaybabe's mum. I was with her at one wedding back home over the weekend. We really did had a great time.
For a while now, i had been asking myself why i have to go through what i go through when it comes to men. I always ask myself if there's anything wrong i've done to deserve all this treatment. Why is it that i have to be sooo overprotected like that in a relationship? As if i can't take care of myself. Very good care oooh!! But no, all i get is 'i'm bahaving like this because i don wanna lose you'...!God! is that how somebody should behave if they don wanna lose someone? What makes them think they'll lose me?
Anyway, there's a tswana saying that, when interpreted, means that whatever will happen to me, will also happen to my young one, more or less the same. Whatever i go through, he/she will also go through the same. For example, my mum gave birth to me when she was 18, and i gave birth to Vicky when i was 19. Maybe Vicky will have her first baby either at 18, 19 or 20. I donno. Maybe.
My point here, is that i got into a one on one chat with my mum, about all that i go through in relationships. Yes i wanted to know if she went through the same kinda thing when she was growing up. Only to find that my mum's case was worse than mine.
My mum and i are friends. Very close friends. We talk about anything and everything, anytime, anywhere.
She told me about her experiences with men. One experience of hers that really shattered me was when she told me how she lost somebody she loved dearly. The guy commited suicide after he went to my mum's house and didnt find her at home. He never tried to find answers from my mum of where she went to. My mum said she was devastated. Especially that the guy left a note, that if people wanted to know why he did what he did, they should ask my mum. My mum said they never fought or had any misunderstandings b4 the suicide thing happened. So even up till now she doesn't know exactly why that guy took his life...
What scares me the most is that she said...its goinno be like that, for as long as i live...because she's been leaving like that herself...that's why she doesn't want any man in her life right now.
The advice i got from my mum was that, everytime something of this sort happens, i should always keep quiet. If he gets angry i should listen and not talk back at him. I should always apologise even if i know dep down that i aint the wrong one.
Guys, if at all it was written, is there anything i can do to change all that? Should i just forget about trying to change another person and accept that my life was meant to be that miserable? I mean i want to love someone, i want to be loved. I want to trust someone, i want be trusted. I dont wanna leave this kinda life because i dont want Vicky to go through the same things...Please help!
22 comments:
hey darling,
You look just like ur mama...gorgeous ladies!!
I can try and understand which angle your mum is coming from, which is to prevent the abuse, you have to change, be quiet, accept all thats going around...more like let the other person control you and feel they are right so as to avoid any pain on ur part...the wrong thing about this method is it affects YOU! Because then you're still not happy, you mightnt not be getting the physical abuse, but mentally and emotionally you will feel so short-changed!!
No, you werent destined to live a miserable life, NO NO NO!!You were destined for happiness, greater things, you're a child of God, and misery isnt for you!!!!
I recommend prayer and counselling!!
You're a queen my gurl..xoxo
oh wow..
its such a shame ur mum had to go through that..
i guess all u can do is pray..its nobody's destiny to be miserable..u will have a beautiful life..Vicky will have a beautiful life..amen!
It does seem that you need men just a little too much. I have told you that they are no good and I am one.
You are in this relationship when hardly out of your last.
Be yourself for a while. You are magnificent, be alone with your children.......and maybe less parties!
Hello, I agree with Buttercup and ShonaVixen. Counseling, prayer and God are important, but you are wrapped in your mother's cycle of life. You must break the cycle of life for you and the young one. God has given you all the tools necessary. Go inside yourself and learn who you are and what you want. Search for the child like happiness that is in you. Bring that happiness back to the surface and your life will be beautiful
u and ur mum look exactly alike.
ahan ,are u scared she is running away?lol
I dont think u should allow this,i would have recommended pastor Bimbo for sure if she was still alive but as she is no more,the only solution is PRAYER and counselling jus like everyone said.
i dont think the cycle thing is normal oh,i dont think so at all.
Uh aha i do agree with the comments that you look like yo mom. Yes she was beautiful when she waz young.
But with life cycles, yeah they do tend to rotate but only if you believe in that. in the Bible God use to kill everything that's evil including the offspring becoz of the life cyclement. I don't intend preaching here Babes.
The only thing i can prescribe is for you to do a life introspection of your self. I sincerely believe that you are drinking on the wrong cup. We men are overly protective...yes but i sincerely believe it's becoz of cowardness. we are afraid of loosing the next person but that should simple tell you of what he's made off. why do i say that?; it's becoz of what he believe you're capable of cheating coz he's doing that. If ain't then he can't think you can do it. he's a cheat dear. i'm sorry it taste bad.
U look like your mum. She is a beautiful woman and so are you
Hmmmm dearie, this is deep and it hurt me. One thing, I believe is that things wont continue the way it has being.
Things are changing and women have now realised why their fundamental human rights is important.
I may not give the write answer here but I know Jaybabe, that women are not born to go thru this kind of life. And we need to be ready to change things. we need not be afraid of status quo
God never meant your life to be miserable. He have the ability to love and be loved, to trust and to be trusted and most importantly, the grace to rule your destiny. Your mother's experiences cannot dictate yours and it's about time you stopped trying to change your partner but change yourself and your perspective. You have the right not to hang on to an abusive relationship and walk away with your head held high. Know for sure that you are not the one telling yourself that the guy needs you when he really does not. God will give the courage to change that train of thoughts and events for you and for Vicky. Don't forget to pray always.
wow, u and mum look you are sisters...she is gorgeous..
Babe, I dont think anything is written and if at all it is Prayer is the key to break any chain of negative events...
Honey..you deserve to be happy, to be loved and cherished. We all make our own destiny, our fate is not tied to others but to us alone. Pray and reflect and take action to be happy. It can be done xx
You and your mum are too cute :)
Hello gorgeous,
It is well!
Take care ok?
I agree with Afrobabe all the way. Prayer and more prayer is the key. Sounds like a generational curse that needs to be broken.
Gorgeous women, you and your mom.
Its only those men that are suffering from low self-esteem and self-worth that descend so low as to cage a woman they claim they love and then make a musical album out of "i don't want to lose you".
Just came to say Merry Christmas to you.
Guess who was in your neibourhood for a week... aha.. thats rite. Gabs was like ..ee mona. eish. but then i never saw what i wanted to see most in Bots.
your Question, when we dated, i never for even one day think that you would go away, or feel insecure or anything like that... you were and still is the most comforting persons, a mans man... a rock so to speak, I would feel secure when u were around..
the thing is, a lot of guys out there see a girl through her beauty.. girl u are one hot thingy.. so they date you for that, a cross between sex and more sex. a pinup thing..
they fail to see the person in you. fail to realise that ga oye gope.... anyways, best thing is to sort this thing asap.. there is nothing genetic about abuse. you are a unique person, u might look like your mum but you got your own character. Go home and get us a cake.. somebody's birthday this week.
PS
Merry Xmas, have a awesome 2009, i was cleaning my cabinet and came across something i might scan n put up in my blog...look out for that
Seasons greetings & happy new year in advance hun xx
Your mum is so pretty. I can see where u get your pretty face.
Its funny that these things happen in life, and I'm with Travis on this. You need to break the cycle. You're a great person with a big heart, and a forgiving spirit. Reach out and let God take you there. Its sad that someone should feel so possessive that they resort to violence to keep the one they love, but you deserve so much more. I pray that you get love, trust and even much more love.
Jaybabe? It hurts to hear all these from you..It's like chasing something very close-Something you see but yet so distant.. I think you just need to pray a lot. A lot that is. Doesn't mean you have to be a pastor or deacon but commit yourself more to God and then your career..
In life what you chase is not necessarily what you get..But you could get something similar to what you have spent your life chasing. Keep believing and please bring God closer.
Here is what i suggest you do. It requires an investment of your time, but i believe its worth the gamble.A US professor helped me with this formula and my eyes opened.
List all guys names you have dated. From the very first one. Good or bad. Let each have its own table and look out for some of these. If i have missed out on any, please include it as well.
-Age bracket
-Alcoholic or Non- Alcoholic
-There past relationships (Numbers) if you can recall.
-Party animal or none party or minimal
-Careers
-Divorced or Bachelor
-Christian or religiously unbothered
-Working or not working
-How long it took each of the guys to date you
-The VERY last reason you separated with each
......etc....you can add any you come across.
Then, try and list the bad and good things about each. While putting your name against every one of them and also assessing your performance during that relationship (Good things you did and the bad). If you want this formula to have a chance, be very impartial. Write even the nastiest of things. Don’t have second thoughts when writing about yourself.
And don’t just wake up and do this. I want you to wait for the opportune time-More like when you are angry or full of thoughts about your life directly linked to your relationships..It’s the best time to do this because you will virtually remember everything as opposed to doing it when you are all smiley. All good things take time..Don’t rush to finish this up.. When you feel you have run out of ideas or you cannot remember something..Keep the paper and wait for the next time..Be patient please, even if it takes you long..You need to come up with something that you believe will take you another level other than rushing and start regretting..
When you follow this very well being very fair with yourself and exhausting every possible idea, you will be able to come up with a conclusion. I believe you will be able to tell what kind of men you have been dating all along depending on your research. You will be able to tell how you failed or took the relationship far. And many more conclusions that you will come with.
When you are willing to effect the changes, then you could be on that rightful path. Good luck.
****You are a complete photocopy of your mum. Still young and cute*********
Happy New Year.
jaybabeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
do u know how long i ve missed u? and how i lost you i had no idea. then i stumbled upon one two three in a row at Qmoney. Am i glad?
u dont have to change anyone. and your life wasn't made to be miserable because such will not bring glory to the name of God. just let Him take control of the situation and everything will be fine. Talk to Him and remind Him of 1 Peter 5:7
compliments of the season
Yall look like twins
so much resemblance.
Your life was not meant to be miserable. You cannot change people though; always have that in mind. People change at their own will. You can only be the best person you can be to someone.
When vicky starts approaching puberty, I suggest you share your experiences with her. You cannot protect her from everything but you can influence her decision in life.
Whatever you choose to do, put God first and pray about it. it works
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