Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Jaybabe- On Being Second Best

‘’How can you ask me something like that? I’m here with you, at this time of the night, sitting in this car, with my dick up, and you sit your ass there and ask me if I really love you? And you very well know that I should be home with my wife and the kids at this very moment. But no! I’m here with you. And that’s all you can utter from your mouth?’’

And that gotten me wondering, ‘’oh! So? All that I am to him is getting his dick up ehh? Is that all there is to it? That’s not what I want. That’s not how I planned to have the relationship. The kind of relationship I want is where I can feel a sense of belonging, i.e where I can feel that I belong to someone. And where I can feel I own someone too. Not be reminded of the other party. Is it not how it should be? I mean is it not how a relationship should be?

The opening statement above (mind you, that’s just an intro-not anything that I went thru) goes to show what men would sometimes want from a woman. Just sex. Nothing more. Nothing shorts less.
But then why do we as women choose to be manipulated like that? Why do we choose to go out with people who have intact relationships? Let alone married people? I’ve brought up this discussion in the office and one of the answers I got was that, married men understand ladies more, as they’d been in the ‘game’ for long, so they’ll know how to treat them(ladies). But then, the question is how do we as unmarried single ladies know that married men can treat us right?
Well, this discussion doesn’t only involve married men. Also men who have girlfriends. You know like, I’ve realized we can also willingly choose to go out with guys who have girlfriends and still expect them to treat us the same way they do their permanents. In other words, we can choose to become second bests. Why?

Being the person that I am, I don’t see myself appreciating being second best. It’s either me and me only. Or none. Period. Well. I’ve realized some people cannot deal with that, but like I said, that’s the person in me. If I was made God for one day I would definitely change that. But I can’t and still I cannot afford to be second best because a lot will be expected from me, and I’ll also expect a lot from somebody.
Have I ever been a second best? Yes. That’s why I don’t encourage it. That’s emotional abuse at its maximum.

‘’I cannot see you today bcoz I have to drop my 1st born at her school. There’s something they are doing at school.’’
‘’I cannot go with you to a public place becoz so many people know my family’
‘’My girl friend will be in this weekend, so please don’t call or text’’
‘’When I was with my wife at that restaurant, and I saw you, I panicked becoz I thought you were gonna walk up to say hello’’
‘’Please don’t love-bite me’’
‘’Well, when I come to see you I take off my wedding band’’
‘’I came with this Japannese car bcoz my wife is using the BMW’’
‘’I cannot take you out to the movies this weekend bcoz my girlfriend needs some knew pair of jeans’’
‘’I won’t be able to see you tonight, need to work on my car’’. Can you imagine? A mere car being given 1st priority? Nonsense!

Tia understands me more when it comes to giving me her time. She knows that she’s not supposed to tell me why we cannot hang out on a particular day, because one time when we were still staying on-campus and I wanted her to join me in one group discussion, she told me a relative was coming to check on her at school. That evening all hell nearly broke loose! Just tell me you can’t, and don’t give the reason, unless I ask! Dammnnit! Am I insane?

There’s one guy I don’t talk to in the office after he told me point blank that I am sexually attractive! Can you imagine the embarrassment and all? I used to think that its money that makes this world go round. That’s why I work every weekend in and out. But now I think to some guys lately it’s the sex that makes their world rotate around the sun! Nonsense!

If you ask me why I chose to become second best…I’ll tell you that…I donno…really. I don’t...

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Security my friend, security. Liabilities and Assets dont mix, single dudes are liabilities.. married men are Assets.. then again the genes and the instincts kicks in if the so called married institution seem to work for the dude, then why not grab the dude and make him yours.

Unknown said...

Sweety, You are just learning this now....Hmmm...let me not get started here o!!

But, many men have no problems having a girlfriend and sleeping consistently with another woman and do you know why they get away with it...BECAUSE WOMEN LET THEM DO SO....

Yes, Sex runs the world not money....

How body dey?

Anonymous said...

Babe, you haven't seen nothing yet!
Sometimes we as men just want to taste as many punanis as possible! Whether we are married or not does not matter.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

There really is no reason to be second best, especially when it comes to married men. Some women just cannot stand being single and so would rather have 20% of a married guy, than 100% of their OWN man.

It is a shame because when women do this, we simply reinforce to men that it is fine to cheat on their respective partners (girlfriends/wives). As women, we must learn to truly value ourselves...our souls...and learn to not do things that we don't want done to us in the future. Karma does come back, they say.

Anyway, let me stop. I just watched Why did I get married and this was a theme in the film...

Anonymous said...

You've always been second best and you'll remain like that 'till the end of time!!! It's not your choice off course. It's more like your destiny!! Heheheheehe

Jayn Sean said...

Hey Pammy..good to see you here now. Missed you big time.
Thats why i was asking why do we let them men do that to us? Why can't the woman in us tell us to stop calling abuse to us? I mean you as a woman, whats your say?

@Solomonsy...perfectly laid out. And i believe you 100%. We shud kinda put ourselves in another woman's shoes and feel how she wud feel if she gotten to find out what her husband's been doing behind her back. I think it'll hurt her.
Like i said i'd been that at one point, and believe you i, it wasn't a joke parting with him, and knowing very well that he's going home to another woman's arms. It really hurt.

Thanx for stopping by...

EDNUTEY said...

WHy u dey allow dis anonymous run his mouth here?

before some ladies stop being 'second best', u have to start respecting urself...why would u want to go in a relationship with a married man,..it's a different case if u don't know he's married, but when u do, and u still go on with d relationship...don't expect to be his first..his wife is there...d kids and all dat...we should learn to value ourselves even more...dat way men w ill give u more respect...I hope I no dey go off topic sef..I dey come

Jayn Sean said...

You not off-topic babe. Right on track.

First, lets leave this anonymous lunatic shit right here. He'll realise how foolish he is, and we can bet 100,000Naira, before end of next week, he'd have deleted those comments. Just watch and see. I enjoy seeing him making a bloody fool of himself.

So, i'm with you in that last statement. Why not wait for your own husband or boyfriend and leave others for their own? Instead of being used and dumped after that? Hey, i've walked that road and i know exactly what you talking about.
Feels really good to see you here.

Anonymous said...

"Babe" simply doesnt exist in my prose. Quoting Boys to Men songs...? well that. hehehehe=..lol.. Known my writin style like the back of your hand, dont you?

Dude @Annonymous, I write poetic prose. Its not easy to do that now is it?

1l said...
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Afrobabe said...

I have def walked this road....

Hey Jaybabe...I cant believe you are not nigerian with all your expressions and way of thinking...lol guess all african women are the same...cos of you I am changing the topic to "Do African women report rape".

As for married men, the advantages which are just financial dont make it worth the drama...

Anonymous said...

Men started it and women allowed it. It's only men who can stop it. Women have absolutely no control over this.

eloquence of expression said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
eloquence of expression said...

This is getting interesting good people. I bet your Barmy Army (@Jaybabe) will be jolling with the drama unfolding....lol...

Talk of Philjaneh (pronounced Feel-Jaah-Neh)...

@Annonymous, you are getting me into trouble, so I quit the Pseudo..

Jayn Sean said...

@P.S...my Love..i sent you an email explaining that. XX

@Afrobabe...Eeoo! my sista, i aint Nigerian oo! Maybe i sound like them, and use their words coz i watch a lot of their movies. So i catch on the language and their way of thinkin' i gues..lol..funny ehh? I also got Naija friends in Blogville..so you see? things are made easy for me.
And i believe your last statement.

@Anonymous..i only publish your comments coz you are a human being. Otherwise i wudn't make you feel the way you do. Which doesn't really do anything to me.

1l said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

For the Record.

You decided to live your life the way you. Fine with me

You decided to push the self destruct mode..n almost went down with me.. pushed me right to the edge of the cliff. Guess what, its fine with me

Your Barmy Army here should know that, I was never a Love sick Puppy, just got stung by your Bitching, had to react in some way, dont you think Barmy Army?

Besides, you been bitching and popped 3-back-to-back kids @22. Now thats proud, leaving you without a grip, rule out the posibility of givin good head. SEX wouldnt turn the world for you.

Now while you are it, Please get paid while doing Tourists. I could upgrade your name from Cheap slut to Super Whore. Outsource some of your Alcoholic cousins too. They seem to be looking for whore jobs.

Jayn Sean said...

@Edwin...LOOOOOL..o fraa wena waitse?

@Who..you- one and same lunatic.Nonsense.

lulu said...

okay, i think annoymous has missed it, women are not second best, will never be, thats a lie from the pit of hell which chauvinistic men love to swallow and preach coz it maeks them fell like men, ...and men should be men coz they are confident of who they are and understand their role is to protect the woman, emotionally...


its been abused...long ago, and now the man dominates the woman and the woman thinkis that it should be that way, but we are first class citizens and our ability to be independent enough to say no to such inhumanity makes us proud of who we are...

being sexually attractive aint a bad thing to be, depending on how the guy said it and the perception you had...when you've had it bad with guys...its so easy to get ticked off by their comments even though it is not leading to anything...take the time to heal from it all my dear... you deserve more

and it used to irritate me that men just seemed to get turned on by everything,till i fouund out 80% of a guy's mind is focused on one thing... sex!
i dis agree
sex dont make the world go round...
love does.
sex jams the traffic flow with pain and broken hearts!


and jaybabe, i am okay...and you?

Jayn Sean said...

Hey Luu..i'm doing gr8 girl. Passed by your house yesterday and you were not in. Hope everything's well oo!

This anonymous guy is still very frastrated with the turn of events. Don't mind him.

But thats very well said. Its been around for so long and we as women can't change it coz we think thats the way it's supposed to be. Mxem! bad hey? But i love how you put your words right there. Perfectly ellaborated. Thanx for stopping by hey girl? xx

eloquence of expression said...

Its a transparent script Jaybabe, there wasnt any celebration coz, you got dumped for a second. There was sadness.... Its in my diarly only not online. sadness because you would think that i would crack open Champaigne or smoke a cigar. Which incidentally its what will happen this weekend. celebration for justifying and vidicating that the jazz in my mind right now wont play anymore.. Gone but Not forgotten, track 2.. says, this is as far as I go. Celebrate life that you have finaly been shown the way it will end early on. Now i can breath a sigh of relief.. for you have seen reality in broad daylight. And as for Phil, well, my latest Project was of a Russian or wherever she is from woman named Christina Kock.. she likes the phrase "My Love". The project is officially closed.

Jayn Sean said...

@Who...you? Are you sure i needed to hear all that?

eddiie said...

Ok....first i would like to say i havent been updating which precisly you know..

Just a little bliss around but all is fine now...

Now i gues i can happily talk to ya.....soooooooo...

i have read your story yet but i let me read it first...

eddiie said...

Ok...this is not me but for most...let me tell you guys look at ladies for nothing but sex...

the better looking your face value the better they think of down there...i mean that is truely being rotten...

Again its hard really to find out which man comes with genuinity..i mean all men come with the same face..the beautifil face...that soft face.....

But i think its nature.Look around even in the western world.....thats how men look at women...so what have we to say?....NATURE...

Jayn Sean said...

@Eddiie..nature involves you too Eddiie. You wanna tell me that you don't also look at ladies with that kinda..say..lust maybe..if thats the right word?

Again, personally why du think women choose to be second bests at times? Going out with somebody who involved with another?

Manda said...

my sista, i thot it was just me wit tha 2nd best thingy! i am an extremely jealous person and cant stand sharing so being 2nd best is sure out of the ques! i'll rather remain single than share.

It's been a while babes, howz u?

princesa said...

Being there, Done that.
Can tell you babe, second best is not worth it!

Jayn Sean said...

@Manda..i shud be asking you that! where the hell have you been?
I do feel you on the topic. Just imagine after kissing him goodbye, you know for sure that he's going to another one! Dammmmnnn! We've been abused for so long now ehh?

But i been fine sha..no talk. You?

@Princesa..'ts not even worth sheding a tear.
Good to see you by my page girl. Feels good to see there are people who are in the same level with you on some life issues. Thanx guys...xx

Unknown said...

thank u 4 the song comment u left on myspace. I appreciate it

Anonymous said...

sex is life!! the womans body is the sweetest thing on earth. ask e about that

Jayn Sean said...

@Olamild..hey girl. I'm with you all the way. I hope to get a copy of your cd if possible. What are friends for anyway? XX

@Kip...mmmmh!

eddiie said...

Jay..yes at least no man passes through this world without havin at one point looked at a lady and all he sees is lust...i do agree with you,.

What you ladies should ask yourselves is that , why is it that all men are like this...at least there is no saint here...Even priests have fallen trap here. Why?

May be you ladies should be proud of yourselves and learn from what you expect men to look at you from and then draw a precise conclusion on how to deal with them...

May be paly a hard to get situation or directly tempt them may be like this...

"Ryan, you have been so close to me and i know you really love me.I want to have sex with you but PROTECTED!!"

If hew says yes with all is loudy rough voice, then you have yourself in a trap...

But it needs commitment and risks at the same time.It just cannot happen like that.I mean you ladies have to play it hard and thats when may be you can fish out as enough charactors as possible...

Giving in for someone within the first date is absolutely an uninformed guess risk...Not because you have seena nd known so and so for years means you have known that person in and out....

i might end up writing a book here for let me stop here unless you want to fire me with yet another question which i will ofcourse answer....

DID YOU ATTEND JUSTICE EVICTION PARTY?

eddiie said...

OF SECOND BESTING.....

Jay. i dont think you really would like to be in that position...do you?

of course not.

Traditionally thats how it used to be but now days i bet you never even try that because you will be in for a shock...

no security, you can be dumped any time and hey,....tears of love..

I cannot imagine you start raining shadows after some lady taking your place...

One wird: Hell no..never try..

Jayn Sean said...

Wow! So much said in small space. Where the hell have you been? We needed to hear something of that sort from the beginning. Dammmnn! But i like the way you ellaborated on that one. I hope all the Blogville ladies heard you loud and clear. I did. And i must say thanx for that. Will try and do that when the time comes. Playing hard to get...lol..

Yah i was at Justice's eviction party at Fashion Lounge. The guy is so damn shorter than on t.v
But has got a loud mouth..kinda turned me off...

Jayn Sean said...

On second besting...i've been there, done that. So i know what you talking about when you say that i shouldn't try it. Coz it won't happen again. Promise.

anonymous gal(retired blogger) said...

yeap 4 guys sEx makes the world go round.seriously 2nd best is just a clear key to heart ache.

diary of a G said...

just wanna say hi

Unknown said...

Why do women do that to themselves...

because often times women need some form of love and some security and these men can offer it to them.

Another reason - there is too much competition, so they decide that it is better to share a man's attention than stay on their own.

Then for some foolish girls - they believe that they will be able to tear that woman away from their permanent girlfriend's or wife...

Unknown said...

oops - they believe they will tear that man away from their permanent girlfriends....

Lol
!that is what happens when you are typing too fast...

:)