Stop Abuse Against Women

A deep white smoke filled the room. What kind of a room is this one? I want to walk quickly, but I can’t. I can’t even see my feet when I look down. I’m putting on a white gown, and there’s a white towel wrapped around my head. Slowly I walk. I don’t even know where I’m walking to, but I have to walk forward. Suddenly I see a group of people. They are also wearing white clothes. There are about 20 of them in front of me. They are walking in a queue towards what seemed like a gate. A very big gate. I walk slowly forward and joined the queue. I start wondering, ‘’where am I?’’. ‘’where are we walking to?’’. ‘’why are we wearing white?’’. ‘’why isn’t anybody talking?’’. And then I start to look around me. There are two straight-lined fences on both my sides. On my left side, I see a lot of people. They don’t look happy. Others are wailing. Others are fighting. Others are killing one another. I see a mother feeding a child with blood. Yuck! All these people are on fire, but they don’t seem to burn. Oh my God! It dawns on me. I’ve heard something like this will happen. Are those people in hell?

And then I look to my right. I stop walking. I see paradise. I see beautiful animals, beautiful fruit trees. I see children having fun. I see adults sitting under a tree, talking, laughing, and hugging. I see a little boy cupping clean water from the stream and having a lion drink from his hand. Oh my God! It dawns on me. I’ve heard something like that will happen. Are these people in heaven?

Wow! I wish to be in place like that. These people seem so happy. Is this how heaven looks like? While looking further on, I see someone. Do I know that person? Oh my God! He’s looking at me too. Who’s that? He is starting to walk towards me. I come nearer to the fence. I turn to look at the queue and see that 5 more people joined the line in front of me. Where is everybody coming from? I turn to look at the person coming towards me. Peter? That’s Peter. I start shouting his name. Oh my God! That’s my Peter.
But…but…but what is he doing in heaven? He should be in hell. Oh God why? Why did you put him in heaven?

He comes towards the fence. He’s touching my fingers but I can’t feel his touch. Is this how it is in heaven? Somebody touches you and you don’t feel their touch? Is this how it’ll feel if ever I get to feel Peter’s touch again? No feeling at all?

‘’Mercy, what are you doing here?’’
‘’I came looking for you’’
‘’But you can’t be here’’
‘’But I want to be here’’
‘’What about our son?’’
‘’He’ll be fine’’
‘’He is not FINE Mercy!’’
‘’How do you know?’’
‘’Look behind your back’’

Oh my God! I looked into what seemed like a mirror. I can see Bobo holding me. He is crying. I’ve seen him cry a lot of time, but I’ve never seen him cry like that. Our neighbor, Mrs Norman, is comforting him. Bobo is wearing a black tailored suit. There’s a lady by his side. The lady is wearing a wedding gown. It was Bubo’s wedding day. How can I choose to leave our son on his wedding day? What happened? Can I go back? No! But I want to be with Peter. Peter was taken away from me two months after we got married. I miss him. Now that I’m looking at his eyes, I don’t want to let him go. What do I do now?

I turn to look at Peter. ‘’You have to go back’’
‘’I can’t. I want to be with you.’’
‘’You will be with me in the future, right now he needs you. Please go back’’

I move away from the fence. I look back at the mirror. I look back at Peter. I can see his lips moving saying, ‘go back’’. I can see him pointing backwards. He’s telling me to go back. Back to a life I should have been sharing with him right then. We should have been together at our son’s wedding today. He should have been alive. He doesn’t belong here.

Our marriage was our blessing. Our couple was the one people termed as a match made in heaven. Things started getting sour when he went for a friend’s stag party. Ever since that time, Peter came back a different person. Whatever happened there took all our happiness away. What followed was years of hardship and abuse. The incident that I will never forget was the night he came home, very drunk. I was in the kitchen making popcorns for our late night movie. Bobo was playing one t.v game. When he entered the house, he shouted my name. I didn’t like the tone in his voice. I came immediately. Before I could ask anything, I saw him hurry towards Bobo, picked him up, then came towards me, threw Bobo at me like he was throwing a piece of paper…

I look back at the mirror; I look back at Peter again. He is still asking me to go back. I start to proceed towards the gate. There are about 10 people in front of me. I know before I walk through that gate I would have made up my mind….

This is an extract from the draft of a book I wish to complete writing one day. And a book I dream of seeing turned into a movie. It’s a dedication to all women in the whole wide world. Abuse is not safe. Abuse is not good. Lets all unite to fight abuse, especially against women.

Have a great weekend.

Ooops! She Did It Again..

Hey guys. Dammmnnn! 'ts been one hell of a weekend. But it's fine now shaa, back to base and heading for another hecting month. I hope everybody's fine oo! I was all smiles this morning when i saw that Life Of A Stranger, Believer and Diamond Hawk pased by my page. I couldn't believe it. I top-rate those three, now seeing them at my comment page was something else. Thank you so much guys.

Here i come again, you guys remember that Kenyan girl who wants to be whatever she wants to be with me right?
Ehen, a few days before we wrote the exam, we were in class, she was sitting on the next row behind me, and then suddenly she whispers my name. When i looked back, she passed something to me and when i checked it was her picture.

''What do i do with this?''
''No, i just wanted you to have a look. I'm gonna send that one to my brother who's in Australia, and then i'll make another copy for you''
Then suddenly i remembered that Pammy said i should ask her if she had a boyfriend.
''Why are you lying that you are gonna send this to your brother? You call your boyfriend your brother?'' I chuckled.
''Aaaagg, c'mon Jay. I don't have a boyfriend, seriously i'm gonna send this to my brother.''
''What is your brother doing with your picture?''
''Errmmm, you know like, we haven't seen each other for like 3 years now, so he says he wanted to see how i've grown''
''And then?'
''Jay, what du mean and then? He just wanna know thats all''
''Mmmh?''
''Yeah''
''Okay. But you do promise that i'll have my own copy right?'' I just wanted her to think that i wanted her picture, but i didn't. Besides that was our last lesson before the exam, so i wasn't gonna see her again after that.
''No i promise, i'll get you one.''

And then i remember we knocked off early from class that day, and then i'm walking to the bus stop to get a taxi home, when i hear somebody shouting my name. Dammmnit! Why does she like shouting my name like that? Aaaaggg, and then she asks me to wait for her. We walk together to the bus stop. While still waiting for the taxi, her phone rings, and she starts talking in one funny language.

''Which language was that one, Kikuyu?'' I asked her after she hung up. Even though i donno the language, my ex b/f, the anonymous guy is kikuyu.
''Nope, i don't speak kikuyu, that was my language, Luo. I don't even like the kikuyu people. They think they know everything. They think they are intelligent or something like that. They think their tribe is the best in Kenya, but they are all pieces of shit!''

Mmmh, typical example of that lunatic! Right now he's decided to go shit on Pammy's blog. Nonsense!
Well my people, don't mind THIS GUY. He's such a jerk!

Back to the story now, we got on talking. In fact she's the one who was doing a lot of talking while i listened.This girl was boring me ooo! When the fuck is the bloody taxi gonna come? Dammmnn! Finally, when it did, i was so surprised when she got into the same taxi with me.
''I thought you said you were gonna go to the bus rank first before going to your house?''
''I've decided to take you half way to your house, then i can track to mine from yours''
Oh my God! The taxi had already hit the road, and there was no way i could convince her otherwise or me getting outta the taxi. Shit! I don't want this girl to see where i stay. Who asked her to take me half way? All the way i was thinking of what to tell her, so that she doesn't see my house at all.
Should i tell her i left my aunt at the house?
Should i tell her i left a man at my house?
Should i drop off at the next stop and tell her i've decided to go back to school?
Oh my God! What am i gonna do?
We were quiet all the way in the taxi, because i was busy cracking my head for what excuse to tell her.

And then we arrived to where i usually drop off. When we got off the taxi, i saw my cousin Faith. I think she was waiting for another taxi to go to college where she's studying to become a teacher. Thank God!
When we came up to meet Faith, i did the introductions and then told Faith in our language that i don't want this girl to know where i stay, so i told Faith that she's gonna have to stay a little longer. We looked for some place to sit and i told Daisy that i hadn't seen Faith in a long time, so we are gonna wait and gist a little. I could see the disappointment written all her. She asked me to show her my house.

''Aaah, no you can't see it from here. You see those tall trees there?, right behind them.'' I was pointing to the wrong houses. You can clearly see my house from the bus stop. We sat there, talking with Faith. I deliberately ignored her and concentrated on Faith. Talking in our language and i think at some point Daisy felt left out. Serves her right!

After sometime, her phone rang. After talking to whoever, she excused herself, saying it was her mother and that her mother wants to see her immediately. I thanked my God! Immediately she left, the taxi came and Faith left, and i walked happily to my house.

Later in the evening, an sms went through into my phone. When i opened it was from Daisy. The sms started like, ''Scroll down if you miss me''. People, abeg, i didn't miss her, but this is my phone now? Am i not supposed to scroll down my phone? So i scrolled. The next line went like, ''So you miss me? Please scroll again''..i'm scrolling ooo! And then, ''okay, if you miss me that much, scroll for the last time'', i continue scrolling. And then next, came a picture of a kitten. The words that came with it were that, ''i sent you this cozy kitten so that it bites you if you don't think about me, like i'm thinking about you!''

I didn't reply to that sms.

The next evening, she sent another one, ''Hi dia, commitment, passion & intimacy-3 pillars dat make our relationship A NEW BRAND TOY plz let us be jealous and protective with it. luv u.gd evg''

My God! Which relationship now? There's not any kinda friendship i can have with this girl. One, i don't understand her. Two, i think she's gay/les. And three, she's from Kenya. I've got a history with somebody from Kenya who thinks can make my life a living hell. But he's the one living in hell right now.
Can somebody please tell this girl to leave me alone? Abeg!

30 Days Of Thankfulness- Day 22

I was tagged by Princesa.
And i too have so many things i'm grateful for that God has done for me. Firstly, Pammy no vex now, ehh my sister? I know you tagged me to on a different topic, but i will write that one up hey? I'm still thinkin' about them weird things about me. Well so far i only got 4, but you wanted 8, so i'll be there my sista, abeg don't hiss at me now. Even though i deserve it.

I start by thanking you Lord for making me see daylight this morning. For watching me sleep peacefully over night. No one can choose not to sleep, and watch over a sinner all night except for you Lord and for that i'm very thankful.

I thank you Father for making me change my mind about quiting my job last year. It was a decision taken without thinking, and i thank you Father for getting me back to my senses. I still thank you Lord for giving my management that courage to call me into their office and tell me that they still need me in this company. Bcoz, Father, that day i realised how important i am to some people and the impact i have made to them. God, you are good.

I thank you Lord for giving me the intelligence i have right now. You have seen me through all these years of my schooling and i'm still here doing my best at school. Your love is great, your love is undivided. Bcoz you chose to give it to a sinner like me. Even up to this day i still ask my self why me? After all i've done to you. After what i've done to some people, who i held dear at some point in my life. But God, you are still here, loving me like there's no tomorow.

I thank you Lord, for the day i fell onto Mphahlele's blog. Bcoz that was my key to finding the lovely and loving friends i have today in Blogville. I didn't know anything about this small village. And even though its a small village, i thank you Lord bcoz everyday its population is increasing. Lord, place your powerful hand on every head thats in Blogville, and show them the way, show them the truth, make them see that you are the life. I thank you Father...

God Almighty, i thank you for the loving family you bestowed un to me. I had thought i was going to die alone. I 've asked my mum several questions when i was growing up, why she chose to just give birth to me alone. Why didn't she buy more children? Bcoz when i was young i was made to believe that kids are bought from hospital. I asked her why she just decided to buy only me? But now i know why...

I thank you Lord, for bringing joy to my mother. When i had Vicky, she was over the moon. She told me that, she was scared that i might never have kids, even though she never told me why. When i had Jnr, i saw her cry. It was my very first time seeing my mum's teardrop. When Jeddah came, she killed the only best cow she was given to by my grand father- her father. Thank you Lord for those three blessings you gave to me. I can't thank you enough for what you've done to me and my family.

Thank you Lord for this day. Blogville sing with me, ''This is the day, This is the day, This is the day that the Lord has made, That the Lord has made. We shall rejoice, we shall rejoice, we shall rejoice and be glad in it, and be glad in it.''

I thank you Father for giving to me a friend called Sean. Thank you Lord for making Sean see that anything is possible. Sean was born with a disability and he's conformed to his apartment. He connects to the world through the internet. Lord see through to him. Make him strong. Lead him to you. I thank you Lord, bcoz in your eyes, we are all dissabled. We lack knowledge. We are conformed to our own useless beings. When we walk, we donno if its right to put the left foot first, or if its wrong to put the right one second. We just find ourselves walking. When we talk, we donno which word to say first. We just find ourselves talking. Lord, you are the Messiah, The Biginning and The End. You know what we donno. You know everything. We are thanckful Oh Lord.

I thank you Lord for my grandmother who's still walking this earth even up to this day. My grandmother suffered a stroke in 2000 and her left side is not working. But she's still here Lord, and people had thought you would have had your way with her by now. But no! God you kept her still. Thank you Father.

Thank you Lord.

Now i'm tagging Obinwanne , Be Silent 2, Pammy, Eddiie and Gerald

HIV/AIDS And Africa

Hello Guys!. I must start by saying that it feels good to be back home in Blogville. I hope everybody’s fine ooo! Me? Oya, half half now. The exams were fine. By God’s grace I hope I’ve done well. Can’t wait for the results. And i must thank all of you good people who left good luck wishes on my page. I'm really gr8ful. It really means a lot to me.
So much to gist about, where do I even begin? Okay, some people have decided to mess my mood this good Monday morning abih? The devil is liar!
I just logged into my yahoo account first thing this morning and what do I find? More than a 100 same messages from different people saying, ‘’ let me be the 1st one to wish you a merry xmas!’’. Good Lord! November is not even over yet! December is not even half way thru, let alone started as yet! Oh no! How can people choose to spoil my after-exam mood like that? Nonsense! Merry xmas my foot! This time?

Ehen, I was on the phone with Jnr last night. He said to me, ‘’ Jane, mama a re o tle o re ise clinicking le Jeddah re ye go ntsha letlalo’’.( Jane, mama says you should come and take Jeddah and I to the clinic to remove the skin) Oh My God! So my mum has told them? The president just announced that young men should undergo circumcision as it also helps in reducing the spread of HIV/AIDS. How? I can’t even start to imagine. So my mum has been nagging me to come take the boys to the clinic for the operation. Ha! Not my boys now, ah-ah!, for what?. I still don’t know how the removal of the foreskin reduces the chances of getting infected with the virus now. Does anybody know? Not that I’ll take them to the clinic even if I knew. What’s so special about circumcision anyway? A dick is a dick, big or small, circumcised or not, it still gets one to cloud number 9 doesn’t it?
Ha!, my ex…you know…? the anonymous guy? Once told me that, when one has undergone the initiation, and then doesn’t suffer the illnesses that come along with it, like anesthesia and all, the person is considered a warrior, and given much respect among his clan/tribe. Who cares? We are talking AIDS here. Talk of respect? AIDS doesn’t know that word or its meaning.

And talking about HIV/AIDS, there’s this interesting programme that’s going on in our country. It started in June this year. For you to be part of the programme, you gotta be aged between 18 and 35,and you should be HIV negative. The programme is tryina test the effectiveness of a pill called Trevada-something like that, in short, TDF2. Anyone heard of it? The pill is gonna act as a vaccine for the HI virus. You know, just like babies are given vaccines for polio, measles and all other diseases that are prone to attack infants. I heard the pill is gonna work the same way. So if they administer it to you, your body will be able to fight back the HIV.

Youngsters are not coming forward to join the programme. Apart from the fact that people don’t want to test, the other reason is that, we are not getting satisfying answers when we ask questions about this pill. The organization that’s running the programme is only interested in getting people to join, and not answer the questions. I went there the 1st time I saw the advert on t.v, and the questions I asked, which I never gotten answers to, made me develop 2nd thoughts. I just had a feeling these people want to kill us you know? So what happens after the pill is administered on me? How long is the waiting period? From there what happens? Are they going to administer infected blood into my system and monitor if the pill has worked or what? How are they going to do the monitoring? Or better still, after I get the pill, was I supposed to go around bonking anyone, with no protection to check if the pill has worked or not? See, some people are going to think that, the pill is a cure for AIDS, and I think they’ll go sleeping around. What also pissed me off, was that they wanted to administer the pill on me immediately after they gotten the test results. That’s what they were interested in, and not answering my questions. So I told them, I’ll come back after they explained clearly on national t.v how that pill is going to work.

When I took a break from studying last week Friday I decided to go check on them again. Pity. They are still looking for volunteers. Useless officers, they claimed to know me, coz the minute I got into the office, one of them went like, ‘’ You? You’ve come again? We hope you’ve come to join the programme this time?’’
‘’Naaaah, I was just passing by to check on you guys’’. Well one of my distant cousin works there. His elder brother runs one talk show on t.v so he goes like, ‘’I’ll tell my brother to summon you to his show, let’s see if you’ll be able to ask him those funny questions’’
‘’Ha, so you think what I’m asking is funny huh? Well if he has the answers now, I’ll ask him exactly what I asked you people. And I’m so disappointed that you don’t know why you are running this programme. Do you know that in asking people to come forward and join, they are putting their lives at risk? Who can really risk their life in the name of fighting the AIDS scourge? Are getting paid at all?
‘’Just as much as we want people to volunteer, we are also volunteering.’’
‘’So you are good Samaritans? Ha, okay. By the way, where is this pill from? I know it’s definitely not from Africa?’’
‘’No, it’s not from Africa’’
‘’Yeah right, I knew it’’

I once talked to P.S about this, and he enlightened me with something that scared the living day lights out of me. He told me that, whoever came up with this pill, is hoping to make a lotta money. Bcoz the minute it’s known that, this pill is working exactly the way they had anticipated, Africa is going to buy it from them with a lot of money. Can you imagine? So Africa is where they come to do their hide and seek abih? Firstly, they invented AIDS,(coz i believe this disease was somehow invented by someone), shipped it into Africa. Secondly, they invent condoms, they ship them into Africa. Ever since these condoms came in, people are dying like nobody's business. Now they’ve invented a TDF2 pill, it’s here in Africa. It’s administered to Africans to check for its effectiveness. If it works, I know it’s gonna be shipped back to its origin. And then Africa will start buying it from them! People, what are we Africans? Pieces of shit? To be used and dumped just like that? Dammmmnnnn!

Look my good people, if and when this pill comes to your doorstep, biko, don’t allow them to administer it on anyone. Let the person or country that invented the pill, start by administering it on themselves! Ah-ah! What sort of rubbish is this? Nonsense!

My mood is really spoilt. Make I go do the rounds in Blogville now jare, useless people!

Who Do We Question?

''For God so loved the world that he gave out his only son to die for our sins..''. I've heard this statement many times in my religious education lesson when i was still at juniour school. But now my boss has just lost her husband. Very sad. And in the incident it was like, ''for the husband loved his wife so much that he laid his life for her''. She and her husband have been married for as long as i can remember. They have three beautiful kids now. Two girls and a boy. In their family history, everytime she fell pregnant, she would become so very sick. But will get back to normal after giving birth. I mean it's normal to not feel well when pregnant. Morning sicknesses, nausea, fatique and all, but hers was unusual. Her feet will become swollen at..say the first two months. Very swollen she won't be able to walk. This time now, she's been admitted into hospital since discovering she was pregnant. And its been okay up till friday when we heard that the husband has committed suicide. It was on this friday that my boss gave birth to her son!

He left a note that he blames himself for his wife's sickness, and that he couldn't stand seeing her in hospital for that long. Who do we look up to for answers in this situation? What is my boss gonna tell her son? But you know how people are now? Ehh? They are asking whether thats the sole reason why the husband hanged himself. Mxem! Nonsense! We talking serious matter here. It's a very sad sad situation.



Anyhow sha, may his soul rest in perfect peace. I just shared that with you people coz it really gotten me wondering if love can really take control that one wouldn't mind practically taking their life coz they love someone. And also to let you guys know that i'll be gone for two weeks. I gotta write my exam now. Like i always say, a woman with multiple tasks's gotta do what she's gotta do. You people wish me luck oo! I really wanna finish this school thing. Have a lovely week ahead and the week after. Will miss everyone.

2nd half!

Happy Days Are Here...Still

For the nth time, meet these two boys and a girl, who came in row. I've said it many a times without number, i'm not ashamed to have had them at 22! I still believe everything happens for a reason, and one day i know i'll get to know that reason. The folowing story is a dedication to them:



Once upon a time, in the remotest area ever, deep into the forest, at one cattle post, there was a girl. A little girl. She was 8 years old. Her name was Seanel (pronounced Shaw-nel).
To her life seemed just fine. Herding the goats into the kraal in the evening, separating the young from their mothers, and retiring to sit around the fire, was all she knew all those days of her life. She was in grade/standard 3. Staying at the cattle post, tracking a couple of kilometers to school everyday, barefooted, didn’t matter that much to her. All she wanted was to get an education. Dammmnnn! At a mere 8 years? What did she understand about the importance of education?

She was staying with her mother’s grandmother. And 10 more distant cousins. They lived in a small mud hut that had only a drum as the door. The roundavell was not big enough to accommodate all of them, but they had no choice.

Her mother stayed in the big city, trying to find work. She only gotten to see her mother 2 times during those 2 years she stayed at the cattle post. At that time, the only means of communication was through writing letters, and during her stay at the cattle post, she received only one letter from her mother. In that letter her mother wrote, telling her how much she loves her, and that very soon she’ll come take her to the city. In the letter, her mother asked her to hold on a little while longer. Inside the envelope was also enclosed some 60thebe coins. It was a lot of money at that time, coz she managed to buy herself half loaf of bread and some sweets.
During those years, she only got new clothes 2 times in 2 years, i.e. only on Christmas. The pair of panties she got during the course of the year, she never wore. The older cousins took them away from her. So she went to school with no underwear. The new pair of foot flops she got, she never wore them too. That’s why she walked barefooted to school everyday. Life at the cattle post was very hard. And living with those distant cousins made it harder. But that’s not what she cared about. She wanted the years to come and pass. She wanted the days to go by. She prayed for her mother to find work. She wished for the day, her mother will come, hold her hand, and tell her that, ‘’I’ve come for you. Pack your bags and let’s go’’.
After school she had to rush home (to the cattle post), because if she came late, she won’t find anything to eat. All the 11 of them ate in one big basin. When it was time to eat, it was survival of the fittest or an early bird catching the fattest worm kind of thing. Summer was fine, except for the constant biting of the mosquitoes. Winter was worse. She’ll be having on just a simple skirt and a very light top. That’s all she had then.

It was not safe living at the cattle post. It was difficult for her, herding the goats with no shoes on. But she had to coz she was ordered to. Else she would go for days without food. The water they used to wash with, bath with, cook and drink came from a well. And everyday, each one of them should fetch at least 5 buckets of that water. There was a time when she nearly fell into the well and when she got home, and told the grandmother, she was given the beating of her life!


One day she was coming from school after the afternoon study. She was walking alone. On the way, up on the road she saw a white car parked in the middle of the road. And 3 men were standing on the road too, discussing something she couldn’t hear. Immediately she saw the car, she branched into the bush and hid under one shrub. She waited. Listening to the men talk. She kept her breath very low. After what seemed like ages, the men left. She thanked her God, and proceeded to going home. In those days child abduction was very common, and in seeing those men that’s the first thing that came to her mind. Remember we talking about an 8 year old.

The best thing about this little girl was that she was very smart in class. At other times, when the teacher was not in, she’ll take over. And her teacher loved her that much. There was a time when she was called to a grade 5 class. When she got there, she was asked to explain to the learners the difference between a bird, bad and bed. And how to pronounce those words. The day her mother came to ask for her transfer, her teacher cried uncontrollably. But to her that was dreams come true….

Back to reality:
My middle name is Seane. I just added that (l) for the story.People don’t believe that, that happened to me as a child. I don’t know why. But it did. And today when I tell my mum about it she goes like, ‘’look where that got you now. You are a very smart responsible lady. I used to hurt that I did that to you, but there are times that I feel proud that I left you at the cattle post, coz of what you are today. I’m proud of you’’.


Today I do believe that what goes around comes around. I wasn’t staying with my mum when I started school and all, and now my kids are not staying with me. Sometimes I feel the reason why my mum doesn’t want me to take the kids is because she wants to make it up to me, for not staying with me when I was growing up. At the time I needed her the most. But, what if when those 3 grow up, they are gonna ask me why I didn’t stay with them now? Well P.S says that if I stayed with those 3, I’ll spoil them rotten. I believe him, coz I saw that, the time I was staying with them back in 2004. He says that my mum can do the better job in raising them up.


And I think I understand now why my mum could not stay with me then. That’s why I want to talk about it here. For the very last time in my life. She didn’t have a choice. Life was hard for her. And I think she didn’t want to put me through all that at that time. Thank God I was- and still am- her only child. It was better. Imagine me fending for 3. But I’m not complaining ooo! I have my mum to thank. She’s doing gr8 with the kids and I’ll always be gr8ful for that. I’m still wondering what I can get her for this coming xmas.


I just wanted to let this out of my chest. I feel much better now. And for the record...i don't want my kids to go through what i went through. I'll make sure of that...

Half A Dozen Ain't Really Six

Tia: So what are you gonna do Jay?
Me: About what?
Tia: About this situation?
Me: Is there anything i can do?
Tia: Thought so.
Me: Like what?
Tia: Tell him how you feel.
Me: He knows.
Tia: Tell him some more
Me: Will that change anything?
Tia: Maybe
Me: No...i know that guy. When his mind is made up, there's no going back.
Tia: So crying is your best option?
Me: Am through with that. He told me to cry. Maybe he knew I was going to. Now I’ve cried my heart out. It feels good. It feels much better.

Silence.

Tia: But you love him Jaybabe!
Me: Yah I know. Everybody knows. My mum knows. The kids know. And most of all…he knows.
Tia: I don’t like you like this you know Jay?
Me: It’ll come to pass, don’t worry.
Tia: But you hurting!
Me: It’ll be fine….I’ll be fine.
Tia: What’s the real issue kante?
Me: Problem is, he says I’m too possessive, just because I asked why he didn’t send anything. That’s kind of like caging him. Like he’s prone to send. But I was just asking for the sake of it, you know?
Tia: (still reading the email I printed to show her) so that’s the only reason why he’s choosing to do this?
Me: Yeah…
Tia: Oooooooh! P.S you are hurting my friend oooo! Mxem!....what did you say to this?
Me: I obliged. Maybe it’s for the best. I know I’m possessive. I was born like that. I can’t change it.
Tia:….eish..Jaybabe..i..i just donno what to say you know?..
Me: Don’t say anything girl..I’ll be fine.

My Blogg...My Country

Errmmm...**clears throat**... P.S asked me to try on a wig! Now look at the results! Not bad is it? Well i edited the picture to black and white for a change. Still looks better. Even though we nearly fought when he asked me to cut off my hair! Oh my...he doesn't know the time, money and energy i spent to get my hair to where is it right now! Men don't understand some things to they?

My blogg turned 1 last month. Due to this change of privatisation shit i even forgot to wish my page a happy birthday! Dammmnit! Well our country was turning 41 too on sunday (September 30th). So it was a holiday on monday (thats why i didn't publish a post then) and our sweet president also gave us tuesday to rest! Can you believe that! Wow! I thank God for this president oo! Now you understand why i had to post today right?

I wanna tell you guys something. I should've written this sometime ago, but i had thought things were gonna get better. Du guys remember Ugo Daniels' post about some guys in his school who wanted to...errmmm..kinda shag him? The gay guys? And i left a comment on that post saying that i think Ugo was gay and didn't wanna say it? Well he didn't like that. And i apologised. Now i know exactly what he was going through and what he went thru at that time. Yess coz it happened to me! And again to Ugo Dee...i'm sorry.

You know how its like at the start of the semester? First years running up and down corridors, tryina locate their classes? And it really gotten into my nerves when they'll just bump into you and ask, ''where can i find block 240?''... bloody pikin! do i know?..nonsense! Another one went like, ''can you please show me the science block?''...eeehhwooo! am i doing science?..**hisss**..
Due to all these questions i ended up forgeting which block i had to go to for my business statistics lecture. Mistakenly i went to block 239. When i got in there i just saw new faces.
''Ermm, excuse me? which course is getting in?'' I asked one guy sitted just by the entrance. ''Basic accounting?'' Whaaaat! Dammmnn. So i get outta the class. Waited there for a while, tryina figure out which class to go to for my lecture which was goinno be in 10 minutes.

While still tryina crack my head, one girl came over. Got into the class, and about 5 seconds she got out. Came to me and said, ''which course are you waiting for?''...she appeared as a foreigner to me and the way she spoke her english sounded familiar.
''Business stats''
''Ohh? I'm also taking that one too. But i thought this was the class we were to be in''
''Me too''
''Dammn! what do we do?...okay let's go check at 203''
''Yeah i also thought of that, coz i wasn't sure if it was 239 or 203''

When we left for 203, and we were walking along the corridor, she wants to hold my hand! What! I quickly moved my hand to the other side. What kinda girl is this one? Wants to hold my hand? So that we walk hand in hand? Nonsense!

When we got to class i saw that those were my class mates. So we came to the right class. We looked for a place to sit and she set next to me. I like sitting at the front row. She whispers into my ear, ''lets go sit at the back''
''No i like sitting in front''
''Oh? Okay''.
''Were you in this class before? Coz i don't remember your face you know?''
''No. I'm re-taking this course. I'll be through this december''.
''Okay....so where you from?''
''Why?''
''Your tone you know? Sounds like you come from up north''
''I'm from Kenya''
''You are from Kenya!!!?''
''Yeah, what? You know anybody from Kenya?''
''Yah, i used to know somebody from Kenya''.
''So what's your name? Coz i'm Jane''.
''Oh. I'm Daisy*.

And then it continued like that. We met everyday in class. I mean that i only saw her in class. Having figured out what she was and still is, i avoided chances of sitting next to her from then on. But everytime she came into class and saw that there wasn't any sit next to me where she cud sit, she'd try by all means to shift with anyone who'll be sitting next to me.

The other time i was craving for something hot, and then i went to Riverwalk mall for a piece of Nandos. I was there at the counter placing my order when suddenly i heared a familiar voice shouting my name across the room! Godammnit! i don't like my name shouted across the room! When i turned my head, she was there with two other guys. Quickly she jumped to her feet and came to meet me. ''Hi''. She hugged me VEEERY tight ooo! Like she wanted to squeeze whatever was inside me.

''So you do eat out?''...was i shaking?
''No..ermm..those guys are my friends, so they just took me out for a snack''
''Oh? good for you''. My order came. ''Lemme go, i don't want you to keep your friends waiting''
''Hey, wait! Can i get your number? You know like we go to the same class, but i don't have your number?''
''Oh yeah, you can have that one''. So i gave her my number and left.

The next day in class she came. It was her lucky day maybe, coz a sit next to me was un-occupied, so she came rushing in, and before sitting down she said hi to me and hovered over me to gimme a hug. Well i thought it was goinno be a hug. But she did what? Placed a very wet pack on my cheek! Guys.. a very wet pack! Yack! See me now even up to this day i still scrub my cheek with that rug!
When i turned around people were watching and i've never felt this embrassed in my life! And the way people were looking, it was like they new how this girl was, and maybe were wondering if i didn't know or if i was in too!

''You are a liar, how come you never called me after you took my number the other day?''
I just wanted to be friendly ooo! Coz i knew if i had to face this girl, she wouldn't wanna come to class anymore (which i'm still gonna do).
''Ooooh yeah, you know i had to lend my sister the phone and..blah blah blah... But i'll call you tonight. I promise''. Mxem! Do i look like i care even if you don't call? Nonsense!

This girl cannot stop complimenting me oo! Today it's, ''dammmnn Jane you looking so hot!''. And tomorow it's, ''where do you buy your clothes? coz that bag really matches your outfit''.
Kai! Lord have mercy!

You guys don't wanna know the sms she sent me do you?

2 Minutes..

Hey you guys...I miss Blogville oo! I'm still writting my semester 1 tests and will be back this friday. This is my last year in the University oo! so i gotta do what a woman with multiple tasks's gotta do. And there's so much to gist about. That i promise. Can't wait to get back.

Loving you all...

xxx

Turn Of Events

I wanted to tell you guys about a wedding I attended back home over the weekend. Especially the part where the bride was being told the rules of in a marriage by the elders. These were just small small kids getting married oo! 1982(groom) and 1986(bride). I winced at the part where they told her that she’s not supposed to ask her husband where he is coming from, if he comes late at home! Ha! Can you imagine? So my husband comes home in the wee hours of the morning and I’m supposed to keep quiet? Tufia! And when I get diseases like HIV/AIDS I’m still supposed to keep mum? Ehh? Maybe then(in those elders’ time), but not now! Not in our time!
But now there’s a situation.

Tia sent me an sms Sunday night, that the guy who impregnanted her is late! You remember that married guy? To my surprise, all along I had thought Tia will always tell me what could be happening in her life now,considering that she’s even pregnant. But goshh..she’s been seeing this guy again! Behind my back! Am I not a friend now? But I been there for her all this time! Why would she go see this guy again after he abandoned her when she told him about the pregnancy?

Immediately the sms went through I called. She was using a number I didn’t know. So I called her in her phone. She is crying and doesn’t wanna talk. She was with someone,and she gave that person the phone,some girl. I was even shaking myself,for what I didn’t know.I asked the girl on the phone, ‘’When?’’. ‘’Today around 12 noon’’. ‘’What was wrong?’’. ‘’We donno, but something to do with his heart and he was also asmatic’’.

I also came to learn that Peter*(not his real name) had problems with his wife two weeks before. The wife had mentioned she was divorcing Peter. Has she heard about the pregnancy or what? I got scared for Tia. You know in this country if you are caught messing with somebody’s husband(legal) it’s either you get a jail term or pay a fine of above P50,000. So I don’t really know why the wife was divorcing. What if Peter was doing somebody else and maybe the wife found out? What if she found out about Tia,and maybe not the pregnancy? Dammnn! But I told Tia now! With all the flings she was having and all….last nite we got talking…Tia couldn’t stop talking about their memories together…

‘’Jane, kana a kere I can’t go to the funeral. Even though he mensioned that his wife was leaving him, he died still a married man. His last sms to me was, ‘’hi love, I’m still in hospital and pennyless’’, when I asked for airtime. Then b4 going F/town, I smsed him saying, ‘’baby why are you quiet?’’. No response. A few days back when I was coming from Orapa we came together when he was going to one hospital in South Africa. That was the longest and last time I ever spent with Peter. We started from O/town at 9am and arrived in Gabz around 8pm. We went to his cousin in Palapye, spent three hours there, we left and stopped at Mahalapye for some drinks. Still on the way we stopped at Mosaditshwene, all the way, he was telling me about his life. He said he wished that he had married me instead. He checked in at The Grand Palm. We spent the night at the Mertcourt. He said to me that if my passport was fine we could go together to South Africa.When he asked if he could drop me off at my house in the morning, I declined, saying I’ll get a taxi home. He left and said when he came back I should go with him to help him choose a big mirror for his sitting room and that he wanted to buy ceiling materials for his new house. That was the last time I saw my Peter live. Next up was his sms saying that he’s been admitted in hospital in Orapa. That was two weeks ago. I told him that I think somebody was bewitching him. And he said, ‘’I’ll be fine my love’’. Jane I can’t sleep at night, I’ve never cried like this in my entire life ’’..

‘’Aaaagg shame..so many memories. But you’ll have to go.Traditionally we believe that when you pay your last repects to and looking at him in that coffin/casket, he’s also looking at you. So I gues he’ll be glad you came to say goodbye. Just go. For his sake. For your sake. I’m really very sorry too Tia. I didn’t even know that this guy was sick!’’

‘’It was an on and off thing. He was asmatic, sometimes felt dizzy,and he had high blood. Somehow I think he was saying goodbye to me that time we spent together from O/town. We spent 12 hours on the road-from Orapa to Gabz. Least he knew I loved him and was there whenever he wanted to talk. Last night I couldn’t sleep. His cousin and little brother said that I have to come to the funeral. Eish I donno…’’.

‘’Like I said. I think you also have to go. Lemme know when you’ve made up your mind. I can come with you. But it’s for the best. So that you may let go of him. Else you are not gonna lead a normal and healthy life. Remember how pregnant you are? If you don’t go you’ll stress your self up and it’s gonna affect the baby.’’

Guys it’s really hard for Tia. I’ve never seen her this distraught. It’s like she’s finished. It’s like her whole life has been taken swiftly like that from her. But again, this guy was harsh to my friend when she told him about the pregnancy. Why does she feel this way about him when he’s gone? Okay maybe they made up all the time that I didn’t know she was seeing him again. Maybe things got back to normal. Maybe the guy now came around and accepted the pregnancy. Maybe I don’t understand because I aint the one wearing the shoes.

Future Kids

WITH THE WAY THE WORLD IS, IT MAY NOT BE SUPRISING IF THIS IS WHAT THE NEXT GENERATION WOULD BE LIKE.

Wishing you a blessed weekend guys. Me? Oh! I'm going home saturday. Will be with my kids then. The two posts on both the blogs reminded me of them.

Salute! XX

Cook Him A Nice Meal...

Q: My husband wants a threesome with me and my best friend.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing there's only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing and thats your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you are still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totaly selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two(it's a great time to clean the house too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him, then you cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris are.
A: Your clitoris are of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay for men is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is you do not love your husband as much as you should; he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you should make it up to him by performing oral..and cooking him a...

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one
A: I'm not sure i understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a great meal.

If men were to write advice columns...it would be a disaster...

We Wearing The Same Shoes

Overwhelmed Naija babe's post ignited something in me to write up this one. Had never wanted to write this, but just wanted to let her see and know that at one point she and i were putting on the same shoes.

Like you can see in this picture..i'm really doing fine.

I didn't know it happened to every guy, or does it? Maybe some guys can control it. And read the writting on the wall when you tell them it's over. But for some i gues it'll take them ages. And then another thing is, the name calling, the swearing, the threats and all? Why don't women do that? I can be hurt when a guy tells me it's over. I'll be heartbroken to see him with another woman walking past by. I would wish i had done things right. I would wish to turn back the hands of time and right what i wronged. But i've seen that people(guys/men) don't do that. They'll rather make your life a living hell. They'll make sure you don't get to wish for the next day. They'll never leave you alone. In my case he even went to an extent of communicating with my current, just like Diary of a G would run to the males who left comments on OWNB's page.

How was a man and a woman made? Different? How? Why don't i follow his current and make threats to her? I used to think that men are stronger than women. Now i see that physically yes, but emotionally no!

The following conversation is the last one i had with my ex at google chat, this was in January this year:

Him: Thanks(after he asked me to log on to the chat room)
can I talk before you do?

me: so wareng?

Him: I want to set something straight
I want to tell you that whatever stuff i said to you, like call you a whore, a bitch, sicko
I actually never meant it
and I did say that in my sms last night
I want to undo whatever curse i laid on you today
I want you to know that its only Love that I only intended
I guess I loved you too much
there is a proverb that says
that when you love too much you break the amblical cord
you seen a new born lamb
that thing hanging, the mother loves the lamb too much

that she steps on the cord unintentionally
I want you to have the best Life you could posibbly dream about
I want you to be Loved more than I ever said or claimed that I love you
I want you to smile
my sincere apologies to whatever pain, humiliation i might have caused you
I want you to let me go
I want you to stop Loving me like you said
I want you to find other better jokes than my sour jokes that I told you
I want you to get somebody who can dance
I want you to get a friend first before a lover
I want your new man not to hold your hand in a public restaurant
coz you want to chew on bones.. damn I loved that
I want ...fuck... I dont want to cry.. but Its something that I have to do.

I want you to walk away
I want you to just leave and pls forget me
because I will forget you when you logg of this email
Thats all I wanted to say.. I am really sorry

me: I've heard all that

Him: its gonna be hard oh God, but its for the best
I want you to have the best

me: its goinno be very hard letting you go too, but i have to, i cannot go on like that with you

Him:You gonna have to let me go.. if you hold something even tiny in your heart for me
I will still perceive it a thousand miles from here
I always feel you inside me always.. but an hour ago, my heart was in mouring.. you died, not heart broken i mean you died
Dont wish me anything
I dont want pity
I hate pity.. i never was good in pity
Dont remember me
If you do remember me, my Love for you was genuine,

my heart will ache. So just put the switch off and close the door

me: okay

Him: Your heart speaketh but to mine without a touch, a phone or eyes

me: that i know

Him: So, I beg of you to just close this chapter.. Sigh
I actually made that sigh
dont ever write about me or send me emails or call me or sms me
Just walk away

me: ok.ok.ok.ok i've heard i'll do that

Him: By the way, Roselyne(thats the sister) asked about you.. My mother too asked about you. I guess I will have to tell them that we are no longer together. And that it was for the best and no further discussion

me: yeah please do that
its for the best you know?
that everybody goes their way
this hurting and the fighting was really getting into me

Him: Log off, coz now i will delete you from my mailing list and all the emails you ever wrote.. pls do that also from your side

my last words to you
I Love you and if you doing this for your own Good sake,

then who am I to stop you from your decisions
least you have made them, wrong's n right's.
I made my wrongs most of the time
I think, I might just drink or stop
afterall I dont deserve to be hurt anymore
what can I say more
well, I Love you...
You dont have to feel anything
because i know gore i'm saying it from the bottom of my heart
you have walked away from me when I needed you most
..yeah... good comes from bad
thats what my Grandmother always told me
Good comes from Bad
its okay you made your decision.. um young.. ambitious and above all..

i dont lust
I take my time
wish all the best in your life... I will always Love your kids
in my heart, they are my kids
Go well dont post this on your blog.. its my last request from you

Despite this conversation i'm still getting threatning mails,messages and nasty comments on my blog. But it's okay. Like i told OWNB i do ignore everything.

Just last night i got two smses from the guy:

1.IF I SAID GORE I DONT THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY I WUD BE LYIN. HELO JANE.

And then i ignored like always. Then after a while

2.ANYWAY I WILL KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HE WILL KILL ME. WHO EVER KILLS THE OTHER ONE FIRST.

So guys, i gues you wondering what i did ehh? Like i always do-IGNORE! Somebody adviced OWNB to save the threat messages for every reason. I'll do like wise.

Nice weekend....xx

Yes!!! Hollywood came to Botswana

Even though i didn't come to work this past weekend-to make money of course- i had a wonderful little weekend of my own.
The film crew from United States were shooting the Nite club parts of the movie- No.1 Ladies Detective Agency. A movie which is goinno be turned into a series in no time.


I'm pictured here with my cousins- Faith(in red track suit) and Osetse.

I saw the film crew friday nite and i had thought i was gonna come in the morning of saturday to take some pictures, not knowing that friday night was their last night at Eros bar. They came and renovated the bar into the one that's in the book- No.1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alex McCall Smith.The bar now is The Go-go Handsome Mens Bar...lol..i have never read the book.
Heard about it for the very first time from my babe when he was here in May. We even went to look for the book at one book store in Game City Mall, but didn't find it.

I argued with him on how come he was leaving in the U.K and knew about the book that was set in my country and i didn't know about that. I hear it's a very nice book which has already sold at least 15 million copies right now in Britain. I gues it's still gonna sell more after it's turned into this movie-especially that the lead actress is Jill Scott..oh my God! You people should've seen how she looked in that african print skirt! Oh my...she has a behind that's exactly the same as that of somebody from my home village-Serowe. She looked so damn Botswanian!




Like i said this bar used to be called Eros. And i heard the film crew paid the owner a lot of money just for him to allow them to shoot their movie here. I pass by this place every morning when i come to the office. And i sometimes come here with my cousins coz this bar strictly plays jazz. No kwaito, no r & b, no mpaqanga, no house muzic, no traditional muzic, no rave, no acid, no reggae-nothing! Strictly jazz fusion. The kind of muzic my babe would love. Like all you'll hear is the sound of piano, saxophone, violins,trumpets and a little bit of drums here and there.A lot of commoners here are very old people, mostly married old couples.
I'm still trying to locate where the film crew could be shooting rite now-coz i want to take some pics of them rolling the cameras and shouting their cut! stints. I've seen on newspapers places where they'll be shooting this movie, but i will get them, i know.

I was bored saturday morning so i went to Game City mall to spoil myself a little bit.Took my camera with me. Then from Game City i passed by Riverwalk mall. Aaaaagg!, i don't like this mall coz majority of people who do their rounds here are white people(please i'm not saying i hate white people-my babe is white now!), and besides the shops here are so godamn expensive. But it was quiet fun. Saw that the Debswana company sponsored some people to come teach/train some little kids in karate. On my way back home i stopped by Handsome Mens bar to take some pictures of the inside. Dammnn, you'll have to see this bar at night!

Click HERE to read more about the No.1 Ladies Detective Agency filming. Yes right here in Bots.
And click HERE for some more pictures.

I hope you guys had a great weekend. Mine was very gr8. I was also cracking my head to come up with a solution for the ''WAS IT A BAR OR A BAT I SAW'' on my last post. Oh my God! How could i have been so dumb? When you read the sentence going backwards- IT READS THE SAME!

Have a productive week! xx

For The Weekend...

When i come back on monday, i wanna find answers as to what you think about the sentence below:

WAS IT A BAR OR A BAT I SAW?

I was asked this question by my biology teacher at high school and he never got back to tell us the answer. So help!

Blessed weekend...

A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet..

Case 1:




















Case 2:

A maid in a Sandton home wanted an increase.
The Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Princess, why do you want an increase?"
Princess: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase, the first is that I iron better than you."
Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Princess: "The master said so."
Madam: "oh."
Princess: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Madam: "nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Princess: "the master did."
Madam: "oh."
Princess: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Madam (very upset now): "did the master say so as well?"
Princess: "no madam, the gardener did."

Whiling Away Time...

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder...

A 10yr old boy was jealous of his new baby brother because his mother was not paying attention to him at all. Tired of this constant ignoring he decided to solve the problem once and for all. He decided to put poison on his mother's nipples while she was sleeping to kill the baby. The next morning....the gardener was found dead!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!

Don't touch that which does not belong to you..

Have a very blessed laughing weekend.

I Can't Stop Blaming Myself.

You remember Vicky now ehh? She'll be 8 this christmas

I been trying to put up a smile on my face for the past two weeks.I haven't even told P.S about this one.He's gonna read it from here.

You remember the story i wrote about the two cousins i was staying with in O/town when i was growing up right? The ones i was doing everything for? And about the female one who wanted to come drop her two daughters at home to stay with my mum? And that i told her i have my own bundle to look after? Well the story is HERE for you to read.

I'm gonna narrate this to you slowly so that you understand.After i declined my cousin's request to come leave her daughters with my mum,she went and dropped them off at grandma's in the village.That's where my mum was born.My grandma stays with my mum's youngest sister(my aunt).My grandma's last born.Now she too has got two kids of her own.A boy,19 and a girl 13.That means at the village it's my grandma,my aunt,her two kids and my cousin's two kids(remember the older one is 4 and the younger one is 2 and a half).

I been tryina put on a brave face for the past 14 days because the above 19 year old molested and raped the 2 and a half year old! This is happening at home.Where my mum was born.My maternal home.I didn't wanna write this up or tel P.S about it because we were waiting for the test results for the little girl and the boy and when they came out proven true i felt like dying.People we talking about a 2 year old here and somebody she looked up to as an uncle.A 19 year old for that matter.I donno..maybe the guy has gone insane or something.The journalists from The Voice newspaper were at home on Friday and wanted to publish the story.We chased them out.Please pardon me,i'm not gonna say much about this,just that it's a family matter and i hope we'll be able to solve everything accordingly,with God's help.

Now you might be wondering about Vicky's picture on top.Everytime i go home,the kids never stop talking about how their 'uncle Raider' gave them money and bought them goodies.Well uncle Raider is my mum's friend.But i haven't met him face to face.I only know about him from the kids.

It's might sound stupid,but after this incident it keeps occuring to me that something like that might happen to Vicky.Looking at how my cousin is doing right now,i just can't bring myself to think about how i would feel if anything of the sort happened to my girl.It might not be uncle Raider,maybe just some people in the neighbourhood,or when she's walking from school.In May,when i was home with P.S,i remember how he kept on reminding me to be careful with how this uncle Raider takes on to the kids.Oh my God!,and on saturday nite when i was bathing them,and i was bathing Vicky down there,i told her to never let anyone touch her down there,especially a grown up male.She promised she won't.Yesterday when i left home in the morning,Vicky had gone to church,and that gave me hope you know? Like if i can't be able to protect her,or if my mum can't,then God will.

For the record,i can't stop blaming myself for telling my cousin off when she wanted to come drop the kids at my mum's.I keep regreting it over and over.I know if i had taken the kids in,nothing like this would've happened.I couldn't even bring myself up to take the little girl some pictures,as she still has the bruises,one eye is still solemn.We are still wondering what could've gotten into that boy to do that kinda thing to an innocent little girl.I've never felt so helpless.

Please don't ask me how i'm doing right now.Some things you don't believe that they do happen until they are right at your doorstep.I won't be blogging as often as i would've loved.But i promise to pass by people's houses in blogville.My family shall get through,by God's graise.

He's Here Again

I hear him, before I go to sleep
And focus on the day thats been.
I realise he's there,
When I turn the light off and turn over.

Nobody knows about my man.
They think he's lost on some horizon.
And suddenly I find myself
Listening to a man I've never known before,

Telling me about the sea,
All his love, til eternity.

Ooh, he's here again,
The man with the child in his eyes.
Ooh, hes here again,
The man with the child in his eyes.

He's very understanding,
And he's so aware of all my situations.
And when I stay up late,
He's always waiting, but I feel him hesitate.

Oh, Im so worried about my love.
They say, no, no, it wont last forever.
And here I am again, my girl,
Wondering what on earth I'm doing here.
Maybe he doesn't love me.
I just took a trip on my love for him.

Ooh, he's here again,
The man with the child in his eyes.
Ooh, he's here again,
The man with the child in his eyes.

''To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others''

Gr8 weekend guys...XX

What Is It In A Name?,ie,Name Tag

Hi everyone! Hope you guys had a great weekend.Yes weekend,coz i just reported to work like today.So to me today is my monday.We had what we call long weekend.It was President's Holidays monday and tuesday,and Oh God! had my most resting time i ever needed.Yes i'm back with a bang and i been doing the rounds in blogville before i can sit here and bore you with my escapades of the (long)weekend.

It's Tia again.My cousin,Faith came over from college(where she's studying to become a teacher-if i hadn't quit my teacher training thing too,there was gonna be two teachers in my family.Well thats the past now..don't need to cry over spilt milk do i?) Okay yes she came and she and i visited Tia at her house.
You know these days she just wanna be with me all the time,because when she called me monday morning to come over she was like, ''hey wena,you better hurry up,coz i miss you this side''. Ehh? Tia missing me? Wassup with this girl? I think the pregnancy is starting to get to her now.You know how it's like when you pregnant? Dammnit! i'm not refering to the boys and those girls who haven't fallen pregnant before okay? When you are pregnant there are somethings you don't want,you just naturally develop hatred for, you see? There are people you don't wanna see.Like i hated Vicky's dad so much when i was still carrying her(Vicky).There are things you want and don't want to eat.

Oh! again,some people wanted to know what happened after Tia told me that she was pregnant for a married man right? Ermm..well we talked a lot about it.I just told her that it wasn't the baby's problem,and that she wasn't goinno punish that soul for what she(Tia) did.I told her it was gonna be fine.With me,her family and the people who loved her around,everything was goinno be just fine.On the days that followed we ate out a lot coz she always said she was craving for a Wimpy double bugger...that brought a smile to her face everytime she had it,and i figured she was begining to see reason with me,for her to keep that baby.

So hey guys,Tia and i are very much excited about the baby.Hope you are too.See now she's getting that pregnancy complexion,just getting more beautiful everyday.Problem is she gets very moody sometimes! Yes it has already started oo! But you know me now? I know these things.I been there done that,you can put it that way...lol

So when we get to her house,dang! can you believe this? she asks me to cook for her! ''Ah-ah Tia please we just got in,You should've prepared something for your visitors now-abeg''..Holy God! Gues what happened next! She's crying oo! Just because i complained! Oh no! am i goinno start baby-sitting already? with this big mama? Was i really like this with my first pregnancy? i don't remember!

Okay.I decide to abide by the rules now.I don't want her to hurt anymore.Anything she's gonna ask i'll do without complaining.Provided i can.I don't want her to hurt the baby.So i did the cooking(i must admit i'm aint good at this, somebody somewhere knows that i can't do good at this,but i'm learning now,i gues i'll be better the next time we meet) ,she's there gisting with Faith.I've never known Tia could be so talkative.Can somebody really change like that when they fall pregnant?

We are done with eating neh? So now it just happened that we ended up tryina come up with names for the baby.It was a very difficult thing to do.Because we had to come up with 4 names(two Tswana names-girl & boy and two english names-girl & boy).Everytime i tried to say out a name and Tia didn't like it,she'll lash out at me! I donno...one minute she's all over me,the next she wants to kill me! Hee bathong! This girl!
English names are so very easy to pick.You can go sit and meditate in the toilet,then all of a sudden come out screaming Tom,Tim,Ben,Arnold,Peter,Donald,Jerry for boys or waking up from a deep sleep you can shout Lizzy,Emily,Samantha,Mary,Judy for girls.But with our traditional names you have sit and scratch your head because it has to come with a very meaningful meaning.

My middle name is Seane.This just means Proverb,not any proverb in particular,but just that word.Vicky's middle name is Tsholofelo.It means Hope.It's my mum who named her that one.I never came up with any name for her.My mum called her Tsholofelo and her father called her Victoria.Don't ask me why i never named her.And then Jnr's middle name is Thatoyaone.It means God's Love,but again this guy loves me oo! When i'm home he never leaves my side.When they are watching t.v and they are sitting down on the mat,you know how it's like with traditional women,kids don't sit on seats when watching t.v especially when other neighbouring kids are over,so when they are sitting on the mat,Jnr is here by my feet.
And then Jeddah's middle name is Motshidisi,meaning Life Saviour.Dammnit! no wonder he looks out for his brother and sister!

So then in that case you have to be careful which name you came up with because i tried to bring forward Dikeledi,meaning Tears,which is my grandmother's name.Yes i wanted to name Tia's baby after my grandma.She almost broke my neck!

What does your name mean?

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

GAUTENG:
When you rearrange the letters:
GET A GUN

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

After A Storm....The Birds Sing

The last posts have been all about what i tape as traumas that i went through.I wanna thank all those who left their comments,and all the encouragements i got really meant more than a lot to me.Reading all other people's blogs and finally mastering up the courage to write up my own,made me see that i aint walking upon this earth alone.I'm really grateful.And i gues it's time for a little smile now,after all that...

Sometimes in February i started communicating with one other guy,P.S(for Perfect Stranger) who was in the U.K then.We met at eDumela,and then exchanged email adds,and then we started talking.About nothing really.Just about him.And about me.He visited my blog,and then he said there was so much he read,and that we don't need to continue talking a bout me coz he thought he knew it all.

And then when we started talking about the kids-MY KIDS o!, he went like, ''oh! i also have got my three in a row''.And he sent me this picture.


I was told that's Fergus on the left,and he's a soldier.The next one is Lucy.She's the girl,and the oldest.She's the one in charge of everything.The other one is the talkative,always barking Hamish.I hope they are doing fine o!,coz the last time i heard of them,they were being taken to a salon for shaving!..dogs?..to a salon?..good lord!

Okay.And then we started talking again.About my country now.He told me he knows a little about my country.And he sent me his website.I went in there and found out that he has toured the western half of my coutry.I don't even know that part of this country.

And then he said he'll be coming to Namibia-a neighbouring country that's to the west-in May.In fact end of May.He'll be taking some of his friends there.Okay fine.

And then he asked me if he could see me!.He told me that there's one other place he wanted to visit in Bots and asked if he could also see me during that time.


Khama Rhino Sactuary(http://www.botswanawildlife.com/botswana/krs/index.html) is a tourist attraction destination that's situated 25km north of my home village.This is where wild animals are kept for those tourism reasons.Can you imagine?..somebody who's a million miles away knew a lot about this place and nna i was only staying 25km away from the said place,but i didn't know it? I only got to see its entrance when i pass on my way to Orapa.

When i told him that,he was like, ''Okay,i'll take you there,together with the kids.Please?''.
I really took all these for a joke o! I mean, i didn't really think that somebody who doesn't even know you,will go all the way to do all that,considering that Khama Rhino is a very expensive place to go to.I wasn't really sure that this guy was serious.
And then i asked him if he will bring along his family.He didn't answer that one.And later told me that he dropped the whole thing when he heard me mentioning his family,so he thought that i wasn't interested.
So..i donno what happened after that,but whatever happened led to me being sent confirmation and reservation letters! Oh my God!..so this guy was really serious? He even emailed me and told me he's in Namibia a week ago!

Anyway...guys i won't be in the whole of next week.I really need some time out ehh? Away from the hassle and bassle of sitting at this machine,going through people's blogs one by one.But i hope when i come back on the 4th of June i won't find a lot of updates coz it's not gonna be easy for me to catch up with all the many blogs i love,so abeg, one or two posts will do.
I hope to bring something myself when i get back,something to write about and maybe some little pictures.

Take care of all yourselves...ciaaooo!

Food For Thought

I was forwarded this message and it was entitled Resolutions Of A Woman,and i think it can make a good read to some people as it did to me.Even though it can't be the same to all of us,but i think as women and growing up in a society that has got men making decisions at every corner,these are some of the things that are vital and that someone can tag along in this journey we call LIFE....so..make up your mind!

1.Love, Love, Love Yourself.
There's only one of you, so love YOU to death!

2.Stop Playing the Victim.
Martyrdom is totally unnecessary for today's woman. Your first allegiance is to yourself.Without a strong sense of self, there is no way that you can tackle the ups and downs of a relationship or the rigors of motherhood (if you so choose).

3.Stop Settling for Less.
A piece of a man is definitely not better than a whole, healthy man. Your desperation is showing.

4.Stop Trying to Be a Saviour.
If a man doesn't have his head together and is on the skids, it is not up to you to try to save him. You are neither his mother nor his therapist. Let him go and move on. Men like this will bring you down if you aren't careful.

5.Learn to Exhale Between Relationships.
In other words...no transitional lovers. Someone always ends up being hurt and it could be
you...again, or that poor man. Neither one of you deserves to be hurt or used. Give yourself some down time.

6.Learn the Difference Between Being Alone and Lonely.
Being alone is by choice and loneliness is only temporary. Get out and enjoy yourself. Wallowing in loneliness can often make women desperate for attention and lead them into unhealthy relationships.

7.Don't Allow Any Man to Validate You.
Allowing any man to define who you are as a woman leaves you open to being controlled and eventually abused. Why give a man that type of power over you? Now, do you really want
to be the kind of woman who thinks that her life is not complete unless she has a man in it...any man? Where's your self-respect?

8.Blessed is the Child that has Her Own.
Handle your business educationally and financially. Generally, needy, uneducated women tend to attract men of the lowest character.

9.Small sacrifices now lead to bigger rewards later.
Don't let Good Sex Sway You. Sure, he may rock your boat like no other man has ever done,
but don't let the sex cloud your judgement. If he treats you like crap, or like convenient booty call or just add you to his harem then, eventually, you may come to resent him with the same passion you displayed when he was between your legs. Now, if that's all you want, and that's all you think you're worth and are willing to settle for, then be honest and protect yourself. If you play, you will definitely pay. Don't confuse lust with love. And it's not fair trying to trap him with a pregnancy neither one of you wants. That's dirty pool. And why should an innocent child pay for your stupidity? After all, you picked him.

10.Don't Try to Buy a Man's Affections.
In the long run, not only will you lose him, but you will lose your self-respect and any smidgen of respect he may have had for you. Are you that desperate? Any self-respecting man will never allow himself to be kept. Kept meaning, letting him move into your place, paying his car note, allowing him to use your credit, etc.

11.Stop Trying to Change Men.
Men will usually tell you who they are if you really listen to them. So try less talking and do more listening and you will, most likely, save yourself some trouble.

12.Stay Away from Unavailable Men.
If he's married, separated, having problems with his baby's/babies' mama/mamas, not ready for a commitment, not willing to commit, etc., he is off limits. Now if you thrive on drama, then, by all means, go right ahead. Some women are made like that.

13.Love Doesn't Hurt.
Women who say that they love physical or verbal abuse from their mates have some serious emotional issues and will continue to make up excuses until they get the help they need. Don't become a statistic. The life you save may be your own.

14.Don't Compromise Your Moral Values.
Even if you don't consider yourself a particularly religious person, promiscuity will take a toll on your self-respect and even your health, in the long run. Sleeping around with men who don't have your best interests at heart tends to chip away at the very essence of you. Listen to your instincts. They will never lead you wrong.

15.Respect is Reciprocal.
If you want respect then you must give respect, especially toward your mate. If you lash out in anger, frustration, or whatever, be prepared to receive the same in return. Even the most loving and gentle man can take only so much of his woman's funky attitude.

16.Keep Your Personal Business Between You and Your Man.
Use extreme discretion whenever you are tempted to discuss your personal problems with family, friends and etc. Many relationships have been broken up due to outsiders putting their two cents in where it didn't belong. Keep that mouth zipped!

17.Don't Advertise Your Man.
Whether he is "da bomb" or a blessing sent down from heaven, try to keep it to yourself. Actions speak louder than words. Most women can pick up on this just by being around you and yours. Why? Because you are as happy and content as a kitten with a
saucer of warm milk. It will definitely show. Now there's nothing wrong with a little bit of bragging about your man. But keep it low-key. No sense in irritating those unscrupulous women who will try to "test your man" and/or lure him away (as if they could)!