Jaybabe- On Being Second Best

‘’How can you ask me something like that? I’m here with you, at this time of the night, sitting in this car, with my dick up, and you sit your ass there and ask me if I really love you? And you very well know that I should be home with my wife and the kids at this very moment. But no! I’m here with you. And that’s all you can utter from your mouth?’’

And that gotten me wondering, ‘’oh! So? All that I am to him is getting his dick up ehh? Is that all there is to it? That’s not what I want. That’s not how I planned to have the relationship. The kind of relationship I want is where I can feel a sense of belonging, i.e where I can feel that I belong to someone. And where I can feel I own someone too. Not be reminded of the other party. Is it not how it should be? I mean is it not how a relationship should be?

The opening statement above (mind you, that’s just an intro-not anything that I went thru) goes to show what men would sometimes want from a woman. Just sex. Nothing more. Nothing shorts less.
But then why do we as women choose to be manipulated like that? Why do we choose to go out with people who have intact relationships? Let alone married people? I’ve brought up this discussion in the office and one of the answers I got was that, married men understand ladies more, as they’d been in the ‘game’ for long, so they’ll know how to treat them(ladies). But then, the question is how do we as unmarried single ladies know that married men can treat us right?
Well, this discussion doesn’t only involve married men. Also men who have girlfriends. You know like, I’ve realized we can also willingly choose to go out with guys who have girlfriends and still expect them to treat us the same way they do their permanents. In other words, we can choose to become second bests. Why?

Being the person that I am, I don’t see myself appreciating being second best. It’s either me and me only. Or none. Period. Well. I’ve realized some people cannot deal with that, but like I said, that’s the person in me. If I was made God for one day I would definitely change that. But I can’t and still I cannot afford to be second best because a lot will be expected from me, and I’ll also expect a lot from somebody.
Have I ever been a second best? Yes. That’s why I don’t encourage it. That’s emotional abuse at its maximum.

‘’I cannot see you today bcoz I have to drop my 1st born at her school. There’s something they are doing at school.’’
‘’I cannot go with you to a public place becoz so many people know my family’
‘’My girl friend will be in this weekend, so please don’t call or text’’
‘’When I was with my wife at that restaurant, and I saw you, I panicked becoz I thought you were gonna walk up to say hello’’
‘’Please don’t love-bite me’’
‘’Well, when I come to see you I take off my wedding band’’
‘’I came with this Japannese car bcoz my wife is using the BMW’’
‘’I cannot take you out to the movies this weekend bcoz my girlfriend needs some knew pair of jeans’’
‘’I won’t be able to see you tonight, need to work on my car’’. Can you imagine? A mere car being given 1st priority? Nonsense!

Tia understands me more when it comes to giving me her time. She knows that she’s not supposed to tell me why we cannot hang out on a particular day, because one time when we were still staying on-campus and I wanted her to join me in one group discussion, she told me a relative was coming to check on her at school. That evening all hell nearly broke loose! Just tell me you can’t, and don’t give the reason, unless I ask! Dammnnit! Am I insane?

There’s one guy I don’t talk to in the office after he told me point blank that I am sexually attractive! Can you imagine the embarrassment and all? I used to think that its money that makes this world go round. That’s why I work every weekend in and out. But now I think to some guys lately it’s the sex that makes their world rotate around the sun! Nonsense!

If you ask me why I chose to become second best…I’ll tell you that…I donno…really. I don’t...