Been Beaten Twice As Hard(part 1)

The first story:With Ernest Krug

We met while still at high school.He was a standard ahead of me.He was one of the guys who had dreadlocks,smoked marijuana and always went in a group-strictly rastafarian guys.Many people were against the relationship at school.My classmates always asked why i had to agree to go out with a guy like that.He was very quiet.A very quiet guy.But we went through a lot together as a couple.When he came to school he used to have a hat on,to press the nuttys backwards,but he always took it off when he went into class-so i was told.

But the time the headmaster-Mr Williams, saw him with the hat on,maybe it was during lessons,i donno.Then it was taken from him.It was during his writting final exams when he passed by the head's office and saw people collecting stuff that was taken from them at one point,by the headmaster.Ernest said he was one of them,and when he entered the head's office he was pushed outside,i donno if it was crouded or what but when the Williams did that to him,he lost temper and pushed him(Williams) back too.The headmaster went stumbling back,fell on the floor and got his watch smashed down.Ernest wa suspended and never came to school again to finish writting his exams...God!..final exams!.I was by his side every step of the way.

When the results came out,next to his name was just written a 5.He had written 5 subjects when the incident took place.So that meant he had to re-write the other subjects to meet the required number of points in order to get a certificate.I gues somehow he wrote coz he did got his cerficate.

He got employed by Sowa Town private company where salt is mined.So he moved from Serowe to Sowa.I always visited him there.Every time i wanted to see him,i always knew where to find him.I mean he was my boyfriend and there was no need for me to tell him that i was coming.And he always liked it to get home and find me there without being given pre-info that you'll find a visitor when you get home.It was fun.Real fun.

It happened that i went Maun for the national service,where i was posted to be a teacher in one of the local primary schools.By then the schools were still closed and were gonna open in 5 days or so.So i went to Sowa again to check on him before i started work.

Every time when i went to check on the guy,especially if i reached there late at night,i'll go pip through his bedroom window.I'll see him sleeping peacefully there.Tired as hell.I'll tap on the window and i'll laugh my lungs out when he jumped from the bed,coming fast to the window to check on who it could be.Then i'll knok at the door,when he opens for me,he'll be looking at the side of the window to check on the person who was tapping there.I'll laugh and tell him i didn't see anyone.As usual we'll have our fun and all..

It happened that i went there again in June,to spend the days with him coz it was my birthday the following day.When i got there i did the usual,pipping through the window.God! It was around 11pm and it was a very long journey from Maun to Sowa town.And the cars were very scarce when hitchhicking.So all i wanted was to have a rest before Ern and i could do some other little 'things'.It was like Ern knew i was coming and maybe wanted me to see that.Or it was a way to say, ''girl,it's very over''.Instead of tapping on the window i stopped half way.My hand hanging in the air.I couldn't believe what i was seeing.A girl/woman was on top of him! They were having it all.Very busy,it seemed like they couldn't hear anything around them.So godammnn busy to even see somebody looking them through their window.

My sweat buts opened,and by that time i wished the world could just swallow me up.Good Lord! I was tired.All i wanted was to rest,but all i find is this! Oh My God!.I went round the house and set by the kitchen door.I set there for like an hour or so....then i heard them speaking inside the house.They were finished i gues.I went to the main entrance and knocked on the door.The girl opened.I knew her.She knew my relationship with Ernest.She was one of the people who were against the relationship at school.She welcomed me in.God! This time around it was another woman showing me into the house.The house i was used to calling my own...

I set on the couch.The t.v was on but i couldn't see anything.The radio was on but i couldn't hear a thing.And then they were in the bedroom again.Talking....about the situation maybe,coz after sometime the girl stormed out with her bag.Ern went out with her,and came back withing a minute.

He was standing there,leaning by the kitchen wall.Looking at me.Not saying a word.Just looking.My eyes were on the t.v.Tears kept cropping up but i tried so hard blinking them in.

''Jane why didn't you tell me you were coming?''

I turned my head to look at him.God! Did i ever tell him that i'm coming over? I wasn't used to that.I was used to always looking forward to seeing the surprise on his face when he found me home.By the way i even had my own key to his house,and that time i was so numb to even use it.

''Can i use your bathroom?''

''Yeah,no problem''

I took my bag and went to the bathroom.Had a shower.Put on the same clothes i was wearing when i came.Came back to the living room,still with my bag.Set on the couch.The world i was in that night was very dark.I gues i fell asleep on the couch.Coz in the morning i found i was covered with a blanket.Mind you,it was winter.But i never felt the cold.I didn't care if i felt cold.All i wanted was to die.

In the morning i had another shower.And then i was in the living room again,putting on my shoes.

''Jane,please say something?''

''What?''

I grabbed my bag,and banged the door on my way out.....what really hurt me most was that i was pregnant with Vicky!

You wondering how i feel when writting this?...There are no feelings...Gabriella's 'Rise' is playing in background...!