One On One With Her Highness( Abuse Against Women)

For the very first time in Blogville, here's Jaybabe's mum. I was with her at one wedding back home over the weekend. We really did had a great time.

For a while now, i had been asking myself why i have to go through what i go through when it comes to men. I always ask myself if there's anything wrong i've done to deserve all this treatment. Why is it that i have to be sooo overprotected like that in a relationship? As if i can't take care of myself. Very good care oooh!! But no, all i get is 'i'm bahaving like this because i don wanna lose you'...!God! is that how somebody should behave if they don wanna lose someone? What makes them think they'll lose me?

Anyway, there's a tswana saying that, when interpreted, means that whatever will happen to me, will also happen to my young one, more or less the same. Whatever i go through, he/she will also go through the same. For example, my mum gave birth to me when she was 18, and i gave birth to Vicky when i was 19. Maybe Vicky will have her first baby either at 18, 19 or 20. I donno. Maybe.

My point here, is that i got into a one on one chat with my mum, about all that i go through in relationships. Yes i wanted to know if she went through the same kinda thing when she was growing up. Only to find that my mum's case was worse than mine.
My mum and i are friends. Very close friends. We talk about anything and everything, anytime, anywhere.

She told me about her experiences with men. One experience of hers that really shattered me was when she told me how she lost somebody she loved dearly. The guy commited suicide after he went to my mum's house and didnt find her at home. He never tried to find answers from my mum of where she went to. My mum said she was devastated. Especially that the guy left a note, that if people wanted to know why he did what he did, they should ask my mum. My mum said they never fought or had any misunderstandings b4 the suicide thing happened. So even up till now she doesn't know exactly why that guy took his life...

What scares me the most is that she said...its goinno be like that, for as long as i live...because she's been leaving like that herself...that's why she doesn't want any man in her life right now.
The advice i got from my mum was that, everytime something of this sort happens, i should always keep quiet. If he gets angry i should listen and not talk back at him. I should always apologise even if i know dep down that i aint the wrong one.

Guys, if at all it was written, is there anything i can do to change all that? Should i just forget about trying to change another person and accept that my life was meant to be that miserable? I mean i want to love someone, i want to be loved. I want to trust someone, i want be trusted. I dont wanna leave this kinda life because i dont want Vicky to go through the same things...Please help!

The Person In You

Abuse in a relationship comes in so many ways. It can either be physical, emotional, pyschological or even verbal. I have witnessed abuse in all sorts of situations while i was growing up, and all the time it wasn't a good picture.

When i was about 4 years old, a guy used to beat my mum. When i calculate now, i think my mum was around 22. I remember accompanying my mum to the police station that night. And then another one emotionally abused her when we were staying in O/town. I was still very young by then. Maybe around 6 or so. Then we parted ways, she came to leave in Gabz while i remained with her sister(my aunt) in O/town. And i also got to witness yet another string of abuses whie staying with those people. The husband beating up the wife almost everyday.

As i was staying together with their children, who were growing up, and maybe going thru that 'growing-up' stage, their boyfriends used to beat them, right in front of us, the young ones. And then i moved again, from O/town, to a place where my mum got married. More abuse.

I have gone thru some form of abuse myself. A coupla days ago i asked my mum a very ermmm...kinda silly question. Well..i wanted to know now abeg...I asked her about her relationships while she was growing up. Whether all the guys she went out with, were treating her the way mine are treating me. Like all the guys i've gone out with, are all insecure, overprotective, jealous freaks and everytime they wanna take my life into their own hands and order me around. Like i have to do AS they say. God! This used to worry me a lot. But after talking to my mum, and realising that i'm walking right on her footsteps, geeee!, i've given up trying to find out why. I've gotten to a point where i dont even ask him why he's behaving like that.

Now, the big question is, who is wrong in situations like this? Is he wrong, coz he doesn't consider women abuse as the wrong thing to do? Am i wrong coz i'm allowing him to treat me like that? Why can't i tell him no? Why can't i say enough is enough when its enough? What does the person in you say?

...just last night, i had somebody's grip tight around my neck, just because i got an international call from a friend. Just a mere friend. What was i to do when he didn't believe what i told him about me and the caller?...

He's Not A Boy Anymore...

...and i must admit, it wasn't easy either for me or my mum, knowing that Jnr could barely walk, but then he was goinno have a baby brother. Well..we didnt know whether it was goinno be a boy or girl at that time. But that didnt matter. The fact that i was having another baby that soon really devastated everyone.

I remember coming home from college and i stopped at my mum's work place. I wanted to tell her face to face that i was goinno to have another baby. And when i said that she nearly fainted with disappointment. After a while she came around and we started talking with no hard feelings now. She wanted to know when i was coming home for good, and if i have already started buying baby clothes. She wanted to know a lot of things at once. Then i knew for sure that, she was looking forward to having this baby too.

6 years down the line, i'm having a real man growing beside me. Did i mention he's the one who taught his older brother, Jnr to write his,name? And now he just cant wait to start school. May God bless this guy for me. Help him achieve best things life will offer to him. What i love more about him, is the soft spot he has for his siblings. If he wasn't my son, i wasn't gonna think twice about marrying him!!!

The Yeah Ending...

There are so many things i love about the ending of every year. First of all, those three in a row have their birthdays celebrated when the year ends. They all came like that- 3 in a row, October, November and December. This weekend i'm going home to celebrate Jeddah's. I dont worry that much about Vicky's birthday bcoz i know that when everybody celebrate xmas day, little do they know that they are also celebrating Vicky's birthday. Yep! she's a xmas child. Thats the other thing that makes her very special. She's the best xmas present i ever got from...ermmm...well...whoever.

The other thing i like about the year ending is all the parties we attend and all the fun we have. This past weekend Jaybabe and the cousins attended two bridal showers. Well we were invited to one, but gate-crushed the other. As always my camera followed suit!

Jaybabe and cousin Faith, having a small chat.

Faith and G, laughing out loud i gues...

Gossip mongers...lol..Doc and her friend Milly...

I have a feeling we were not the only gatecrushers, coz the 2nd bridal shower...it was fully packed!

The Dj wasn't doing bad at all..

The rainbow colors is the real makoya!

Jaybabe and workmate, Thabang making a toast. To what? I donno...

Jaybabe and a friend, Thato M.

All of them, having fun...

'The Voice' newspaper, was gonna rate this as 'pick of the week'!..lol..

There's what we call sleep walking right? So i gues this is..what?..sleep standing? Bwahahahah...thats Faith, down and out!

This is the person who wanted to go clubbing at around 5am! God!

Hope you guys enjoyed them pics. I'm signing out. See all of you around. Will be back to publish more pictures, probably next week. Ciaaaooo!!!!

The Devil...You Lied!!!

Sometimes back in June this year, my mum's younger sister, last born to my grandmother, gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl. Her name is Rebabedi- meaning We are two. So arrangements have already been made that when Reba, as we affectionately call her, turns one next year, my mum adopts her! Aint those great news??? So FINALLY...Jaybabe is goinno have a baby sister! Heeeyyy!!!

We've already bonded oooh! One thing we all have in common is that the three of us(my mum, me and Reba) are born in June! God works wonders doesn't He? Now you devilish devil? You lied, you good for nothing son of a b...!!! Your weapon has failed you! Bcoz now...we are two!

While am still at that, over the weekend i decided for the very first time, since i started working for this company, to go out with the ball sports teams to some place out side the capital city. This picture was taken at the Lodge we booked. It was quiet some fun. And a stress reliever, coz i know if i didn't go out, then i probably would have come to work..geeeezzz!!

At The End...It Turned Out Right

The arrival of Jnr a couple years ago brought a lot of changes between Rogers (Jnr's father) and his mum. Rogy’s mum had never accepted our relationship from the word go. So when Jnr came along, everything totally changed.

One day, Rogy, Jnr and I were at my aunt’s house in Gwest, when outta the blues, Rogy’s aunt and uncle came in unannounced and ordered Rogy to come along with them. They didn’t even accept our invitation into the house. Rogy had made it a habit of spending the whole day with us(Jnr and i) like everyday. Waking up at his house, he’ll come straight to my own. Jnr was barely 2 months old and his dad will help me in tending him while maybe I washed the nappies or made his bottle of milk.

Sometimes he washed the nappies while I played with him. Like we took it in turns. Rogy really loved his son, and it showed in the way he changed his nappies. I loved the way he wiped out the poo with baby wet wipes and applied baby powder! The way he placed his son in a new nappy, he did it much better than the other girls I see these days. It doesn’t matter how things turned out between us, there are still some good memories..

That fateful day his folks came and ordered him to come home with them. They told him how he doesn’t belong where he was, they told him how I have given him ‘muti’ to follow me around, an that it showed even in the way he washes nappies!
‘How can a man wash baby’s nappies? We’ve never seen that in our lifetime!’, they said to him. Jesus! That didn’t happen in THEIR lifetime dammmnit! These are the modern days! God! As I knew how veeery quiet Rogy was (well..Jnr is worse, is it because he’s named after his father?), that day he managed to talk back at his folks! I couldn’t believe my ears!

‘’I am not going anywhere!’, he snapped back.
‘’Rogy I said you are getting out of here, out of this house, away from this girl!’’, that was his uncle, pointing at me.
‘’Babe, go with them’’, I persuaded him. He looked at me, then at Jnr, and quietly walked out, following his uncle and aunt.

About 20 minutes down the line, Rogy came back. When I looked into his eyes, they were blood shot red. I knew he was crying, then I chose not to ask him what went down.
Well…people Jnr turned 7 on 20th Oct and last Saturday we held a little ‘cake-eating’ for him. Maybe one day he’ll come to know about all these, but again I don’t see that happening because everything turned out fine for everyone. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Many a people suggested I sue Rogers for child maintenance. I can’t see myself going down that road. I feel when I do that I’ll be reminding him that we share a son, but abeg…he knows that alright! I’m not having that much of problems raising these kids alone, and I don’t see any reason why I should digrace myself by dragging somebody to the magistrate, who’s sensible enough to know that he’s got kids. Please! Ah-ah!

Jeddah’s birthday is coming on the 4th of November. He’ll be turning 6. Am all smiles when writing this coz I just spoke to my mum a coupla minutes ago and she told me that she’s gone to register him for next year’s standard one intake. Kai! Minus one problem!

Driven To Cheat?????

Someone once asked in a comment: Can a man drive a woman to cheat? Why or why not? Of course I have to think of it from my perspective:
Can a woman drive a man to cheat?One person cannot drive another person to cheat … but they sure as hell can encourage them.

A cheater is a cheater. They had it in their heart to cheat (not saying that they knew they would or planned to do it … but they had the capacity to do it in their heart). Someone who is not a cheater is simply not going to cheat. You can entice them, put the p*ssy in their face, and threaten their job … but they won’t do it.
Even if an “anti-cheater” is walking in the strip club, trips on spilled drink, happens to fall into a condom someone was holding, falls into the girl doing toe touches on the floor … and she happens to be ok with it … and magically no one else can see them because a curtain just fell down hiding them from view … he still would pull out and say “sorry … but I have a girlfriend”. Yes … someone who is determined to not cheat and lacks the capacity to do it … won’t. Period!

But … not everyone is like that. Some are born with inclination to cheat. Scientists now are trying to determine the gene, but until that breakthrough comes … you just don’t know. There are a few different kinds of cheaters. You have your natural born cheaters (never smelt a pussy he didn’t like), your occasional cheaters (sometimes you just need a change), and the accidental cheater (same scenario as above … he just aint pull out) … but their all cheaters.

So … given that everyone is either a cheater or anti-cheater, no one can be forced from one group to the other. Sure, a cheater may be able to resist cheating … but he’s not an anti-cheater. The girlfriend or wife of the “non cheating cheater” can’t drive him to cheat … but she can sure as hell encourage his ass.

By allowing your man to know your not the one, your encouraging him to cheat. By not being the best girl you can be … by being selfish … by withholding previously promised s.e.x … by cheating on him … you are encouraging his ass. Just like if you put a pipe in front of a recovering fiend … you are essentially giving him fuel to cheat.

But … the anti-cheater won’t do it. Cheating is a personal decision … and no matter how close to the edge your pushed, you are the one cheating, you are the one breaking the rules, and you need to own up to that sh*t like a man (or woman).
Feel me?

So I Heard...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.* Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful:

Dr. Phil
You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts....

Seize The Blog...

Hello everyone. Just passed by to say that i'll be out for a while. Certain things to take care of. Will still check on all of you, but no blogging from me for a while. I hope when i come back, there'll be a lot to gist about.

Take care of yourselves...love you all.

Muzic List Tag

Shuu! Even when i try and stay away from blogging, somebody just comes along and disturbs my cooling off! Anyway, my peeps, how you all been doing? I been fine. The landlady has at last installed in the burglar door, and also put in a new door. Geee! But i still freak out everytime when i think about going home. I mean to that house. I lock up the door immediately i get into the house. You guys should see at what speed i jump from the bed when i hear the dog barking outside! This aint coolat all..

Well, Ahmed Babatunde Chibuzor gave me something to do here, and it was really fun reading other people's take on this tag...lol..so here's my turn:

Put your i-tunes/music player/Nokia N95 on shuffle

For each question press the ‘next’ button to get your answer

You must write the name of the song down no matter what!!!

After you’ve answered all the questions tag 5 other people and let them they’ve been tagged and to do the meme themselves:

If someone says ‘is this okay?’ You say:
I want it that way- Backstreet Boys
I always feel on top of the world when things are done my way. Gues i still have to create room to include what another person wants too.

What would best describe your personality?
One Sweet Day- Mariah Carey ft Boys2Men
Yeah..just have patience you guys. One day you'll all know the real person called Jaybabe.

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Shoop shoop- Cher
LMAO...well, maybe a guy who can dance as well as me. I dont mind giving some learns ooh! Coz really i'm a very good dancer. You should see how i 'cut the cake', 'break the rock', and how i do 'dragon'(better than how Lorato was teaching Tatiana in BBA2, I can do much better than that), 'sanola' and all of those other dances you can think of..lol..am serious.

How do you feel today?
The Rhythm Divine- Enrique Iglesias
Yep. I think i can do with a lil bit of music today.

What is your life’s purpose?
People Asking Why- Seal
Thats what i wanna do all my life. Giving answers to all the questions people through at me. Like, 'girl, didnt you know anything about a condom? Should have used one you know?, if you couldn't do without shaggin'. You wouldn't be having 3 kids at this your age!'..i have answers to questions like those..

What do your friends think of you?
Run To You- Bryan Adams
Somebody told me that i am a good listener. I gues that why maybe a lotta people run to me with their problems.

What do you think of your parents?
It's Not Right, But Its Okay- Whitney Houston
There was nothing she could do at that time. But if she was asked what she spent all her time doing during all those years, she's got me to show. I love this woman!

What do you think about very often?
Celine Dion- some Spanish song. I can hear some 'cele cele a tra mo, ko mo atra flow..hai, i donno the name of the song. Some funny words in there. Thats how my life has been so far. A colaboration of confusing events!

What is 2+2?
Break me, shake me- Savage Garden
..just do anything you want, but you won't make me..

What do you think of your best friend?
Thank you India- Avril Lagvine
Thank you very much. I dont have friends. Oh! You mean these ones at Blogville? Aaagg! so much to write about them. Let's put that a post for another day shall we?

What do you think of the person you like?
Lean On Me- Michael Bolton
Thats exactly how it shud be...

What is your life story?
Lay Back In The Arms- Smokie
Yep. Simple and laid back. LOL..this is so much fun..

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Thank You For The Music- ABBA
What du mean? I've grown up already. Which growing up are you refering to? On an added note..People use music to express their inner feelings and thru music, one can know what somebody's going thru and the kinda person they are. Music is what you are as an artist.

What do you think when you see the person you like?
I donno much- Aarone Neville
Exactly. I wouldn't know much about that person.LOL..

What do your parents think of you?
Let's Do It(Let's Fall In Love)- Alanis Morissette
Bwahahahahahahaha....lol..geeee!!!

What will you dance to at your wedding?
When I Remember L.A- Celine Dion
Where on earth is L.A?

What will they play at your funeral?
Endless Love- Lionel Richie
..is what i'm taking with me as i embark on this journey. What would you want me to tell Father when i get there?

What is your hobby/Interest?
T.Pain- something that goes, 'lemme do the things you do blah blah blah..i donno the name of the song. Oh! My hobby/interest? ermmm...


What is your biggest secret?
The Lord's Prayer- Sarafina
This is the truest truth i've ever spoken in years...!!!

What do you think of your best friends?
China- Tori Amos
hahaha...why are you guys looking at me like that? What du want me to say about China?..lol

What should you post this as?
A New Day- Celine Dion
Every dimming of the day ends with some of one's dreams accomplished, but every breaking of a new day holds something special that'll come as a surprise. So hold what you have dearly, coz you donno what tomorow brings.

With all said and done, i'm tagging kay-shawn, archiwiz, shalewa, rayo, E.L.N.G.

If some of those i've tagged have already done this, that means i been away for a long time. My sincere apologies. All of you stay blessed!

After I Saw Them...They Came...

I used to think i knew what a dream could be. I used to think that a dream is what you think about. That when you keep thinking about something, it'll come to you in another form or as a different story in a dream. The dream i told you guys about (refer to the post below)now happened in reality last night. If i go into details some of you maybe will get lost along the way. So i just wanted to tell you guys that, those boys i dreamt about, REALLY came to my house this dawn around 4:30am.

Lucky enuff they didnt steal anything. They didnt even as much as hurt me. I'm still shaking even when writting this because i can't believe that something that i dreamt about happened in real life. Maybe i'll tell you guys about it some other time, but now i'm still...**sigh**. And I think the worst didn't happen bcoz all of you guys prayed for me. You all prayed nothing bad happen. And i thank you all. I think at this point i should say that i owe my life to all of you.

Thank you very much again for all the comments that were published at Afrobabe's blog on my birthday. You guys donno how much that meant to me.

The first person i called this morning was my mum. I could feel her helplessness on the phone. She even suggested i try and forge a transfer to a town nearer home. I've asked the landlady to install a burglar door in my house (something i should've done when i moved in), while in the mean time i'm looking for another house.

Blessed weekend..

I Swear I Saw Them..!

Just last night I could hear the noise in the kitchen in my house, but I was reluctant to go and check who it could be at that time of the night. The TV was on and the music playing on the radio just made me doze off, with my head facing the other side of the bed. Usually I face east, but I guess I was watching a movie when I fell asleep. I was too lazy to face the usual direction. The noise was like two people were discussing something.

And something I couldn’t really make head or tail of. Slowly I crapped up from bed, making sure I don’t alert the two people in the other room, I pulled my red baseball bat next to the chest of drawers. Just as I was about to the enter the kitchen, the two people met me half way, while coming into the bedroom. They also had baseball bats on their hands. They were huge and muscular like that. They put on orange overalls. I recognized the other guy. I knew I knew him, just didn’t remember his name or where I saw him, but I knew him.

Me: Aaaggg! So it was you? You scared the hell outta me.
Guy 1: Yeah
Me: And who’s your friend?. I asked pointing to the other stranger.
Guy 2 (stranger): Is your p**sy cleanly shaven?
Me (to my self): What? How the f*** can this guy speak to me like that? He doesn’t even know me! God! And then it dawned on me. Oh my God! They are going to rape me!.
Use your imagination Jane. Think, think, think harder..
Okay…ermmm…ermm..ermmm..lemme go and pee first. I told them as I swiftly walked roughly past them. When they didn’t stop me, I had an idea. I locked the door behind me so that they won’t get away.

When I got outside, I walked hurriedly towards the house that was opposite mine. I knew my mum was sleeping inside there. I was practically banging on the door instead of knocking. My mum opened for me and I jumped right in. I tried between gasps, to tell my mum that there are men in my house and I didn’t know what they wanted. My mum didn’t believe me so she just brushed me off. When I started to cry that’s when she took me serious. And then we went around waking the other tenants to come and deal with the guys in my house. Coz I told my mum that I have locked them inside. We all went to my house and people gues what we found when I opened the house? Two small boys in their school uniform drinking tea! Small as in maybe grade 4 and 5!

Mum: Jane, is this why you woke us all up in the middle of the night to come and see small kids drinking tea?
Me: But…but...but..mum please I swear I saw two men, not these boys! Two men. And they wanted to rape me! Please mama believe me! I’m telling the truth. I looked at the boys, ‘’you suckers tell mum that you were men before I called them here dammnit! Tell everyone that you are those men I saw...’’

The little boys just looked at me. Saying nothing. Just looking. God! I’m not going to sleep in this house oo! So I followed my mum to hers and she didn’t allow me to sleep with her on the bed. I just wrapped myself with a towel and slept on the floor next to her bed…

Now Blogville, please tell me, ‘’what kinda dream be this one?’’ Seriously. Is there any dream interpreter in Blogville? Biko, come to my rescue now abeg…And you know, the red baseball bat is in reality my red camping chair!
One thing for sure, this dream is not goinno spoil my weekend oo! My birthday was during the week so I wanna do something tomorrow Saturday. My other cousin is coming in from Francis town, so we wanna have fun. Not party but celebrate my growing a step up.

Blessed weekend guys…

The Father I Never Knew

The year is mid 1980. Sometimes in June. Mary made sure that the cold winter breeze didn't come anywhere near her daughter. Wrapped up in a shawl and a heavy blanket on top, Mary held on to her baby tight, as she stood by the railway office awaiting her call to board the train. Mary was accompanied by her own mother, and she was all smiles because she was going to meet the father of her baby in Palapye. She just imagined the look on his face when he sees his own blood for the first time. She couldn't stop talking about him, and telling her mother how she(her mother) is going to get along just fine with her child's father as he was the most sweetest guy on earth.

It took them about 6 hours to reach Palapye. In those days the train was the most oftenly used mode of transport as it was safe and very cheap. And when they reached the railway station in Palapye, so many people got off the train, while a lot more got in. There was so much traffic that Mary almost lost sight of her mother when she went to get their luggage.
When they were all done, they stood there waiting for him. Mary couldn't stop looking this way and that. Anxious to see him walking towards them. God! Why is he taking forever? Mary wondered. Mary's mum could see that her daughter was loosing patience and she kept on re-assuring her. It was times like those that one would realise what a good source of strength a mother can be. Suddenly...there he was! Coming at full speed towards Mary, her mother and the baby.

Mary started beeming with joy at the sight of him. He came towards them, shoving his way through a lot of travellers who were fighting their ways from and into the train. Mary gave her mother the baby so that she could prepare herself to welcome her soon-to-be husband. All of a sudden, she lost sight of him. God! Where did he go now? Where is he? Mary looked at her mum. For what? Answers maybe. But he was gone.

15 years later i came to know the man who, i was told was the same guy who abundend my mum and her mother at the train station! I was told he was my real father. I didn't believe that. Do you guys blame me? I don't think so. I would have believed it if this guy had tried all he could to make up for all the time he lost and all the heartache he brought to my mum. He should have tried to show me a fatherly love i never had. But instead he behaved like some high-school guy, who gets so over excited after a girl agrees to his wooing. This guy was so excited at the thought of having a 15 year old kid. Fuck! For what? Where the fcuk had he been when my mum struggled to see me through to all the 15 years i was then? Why the fcuk did he run away? As if that wasn't enuff, he went ahead and physically and emotionally abuse my mum! God!

Now you guys understand why i never realy took to this guy hey? And the reason why i didn't change my second name to his when he married my mum? Well...the truth is...i really hated this guy! Ooooh! yes i did. And i don't feel sorry about that. And all the time i've been staying with him, i never really felt that he was my father. I felt nothing for him. Absolutely nothing! I didn't even cry at his funeral. When my aunt phoned me to tell me about his death i was like 'really? Oh, okay''. Yah thats what i said. If you thinking that in my heart i said 'thank God!''...well..yah i said that. Coz i knew my mum was goinno be free from all the abuse and all.

So, to all the fathers out there, please make sure your kids get to know you. Even if you are not able to take care of them, or be with them as much as you have to, let them know you care about them. Shit happens and the saying that goes 'any man can have a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father'..is true most of the times.

One more thing..celebrate African Child's Day on June 16 with caution. And wish me luck on June 18 as i take another step up into adulthood.

Happy Father's Day...!

Jaybabe On A Safari Cruise

It's unlike me right? Yah i know. It was my first time to leave Blogville for a few days without letting you guys know. And i'm sorry. Well..i needed ample time to prepare for the cruise i went on with P.S last week. Really i cant say much, but will try and upload some nice pictures for you guys. Hope they'll tell you about it all. And i must also admit i enjoyed every minute of it, though a part of me also missed Blogville. Well..you guys are doing great, all of you, i gues.

The first days P.S came in we stayed at Camp Itumela in a little town 45kms from my home town. I gues those three in a row enjoyed themselves too, and God knows how much i would give anything to see them happy like that everyday. As its the case, these three are trouble multiplied 3 three time maybe. We found the ham missing in our groceries, and the three didnt know where it went to until Vicky made up a story about finding a cat inside the house licking its mouth. I wish this girl to grow fast to blog about where the ham went to and the story about the cat. God!!!!

Chalets at Camp Itumela. Very cool stuff.

3 in a row spent their first night in here at Camp Itumela, but the next day we decided to swap places coz they didnt give us any time to sleep. They wanted to use the toilet every second they had to sleep all through the night. It was cool, but again the tent is so very cold! Maybe thats why the anklenappers couldn't sleep! Maybe.

After dropping the kids off at home, the cruise started with this guy somewhere deep down Chobe game reserve. I wanted to take a picture of me with him, but immediately P.S opened the door, this bloody guys ran off. I learnt from P.S that when animals see a person inside a car, it doesn't matter, but immediately they see your legs they run off! Stupid fools!

I forgot the name of the river, and i'm so ashamed to say that P.S knows all the four corners of this country like the back of his hand. Just imagine! Not knowing anything there is to know! Geeee! He told me the name of this river..dammmnnnit! what was it he said? Anyway...we found that truch stuck in there. I dont wanna explain how i felt when we crossed the river ourselves! Like i could see the waters by my window! God! P.S said the year before, when he came that way, the river was overflowing, and he did managed to cross, but one crocodile hit the front of the car! I would've died there and there i swear! I didn't believe it when we crossed over, leaving the poor truck and its drivers still tryina dig it out.

In our culture we believe that its not right to come face to face or into contact with your totem. My totem is an elephant. But here i am, looking at it. By the way it was my first time to see this animal. P.S told me that in this area there are so many of them. Well, i've heard, but he told me to wait and see!

Here, we were at Savuti camp. Good people, here you better be careful oo! Camp at your own risk! Thats why we decided to make our own double storey shack. PS told me how the lions are gonna be coming in at around evening time, and do you people want to know at what time i went to sleep? It was fun but really i didnt get enuff sleep that night. Everytime I closed my eyes I'll hear the lion roaring some few meters away! Can you guys believe that PS will even laugh at me when i get scared? The next morning i just couldn't wait to get outta that place.

Foolish bucks! Get outta the way dammnit!

Some beautiful chalet we used that over looked the Chobe River. Very beautiful. This was at Toro Safari Lodge.

I wasn't really laying there for a tan, i don't need it do i?

Jaybabe chilling at Chobe Safari Lodge. Very nice place. I think somebody was paparazzing around. I would kill that person!!!..lol..

Chobe Safari Lodge bar. The way beer will pass down your throat at this bar, sounds so much like the water flowing swiftly down the river near by...

Ladies rest rooms. God!!...i could eat inside this place!

10 minutes before the boat cruise...

Chilling on the boat deck. It was better to get a lil nearer...

Our boat was not the only one in the river...

More boats...

Don't mind those elephants, look at P.S's pony-tailed hair on the left there. This hunk's hair had grown so big since the last time i saw it. All shiny with spirals like it was tonged. Damnnn..tried so hard to ask him how he manages to keep it healthy like that. Just ask him to take off the band and watch it over his shoulders! God!!
One other thing you should know about this guy is that he loves elephants so much like his whole life depended on them. Not excusing the other animals, but i think elephants are his favourite.Log on to his Website for more...

...lol..PS thinks i was flirting with those guys on the boat! Ha! Me?..i aint a flirt. I can't do that in front of my man anyway...thats being disrespectful...

The boat cruise took us 3 hours 30 minutes. So thats Chobe Safari Lodge viewed from the river. After the sun went down. Beautiful don't you think?...

I gues you can see Jaybabe getting off the boat right?...

If i had enuff money as i wished i'll use this mode of transport everyday. I couldn't believe it only took me one and a half hours to get back to Gabz from Kasane. Instead of the usual 6/7 hours by bus. As always, it was not easy to see him go. But i know we'll meet again.
Guys, i really think i needed this outting you know? All those weekends i never had due to my commitment to this job, God! Ijust needed some time out. And i must say that i feel that as my birthday is coming on the 18th, i think i've already celebrated it.
I have about more than 400 pictures taken on this holiday, and really i just thought i should share with all of you just those, coz i'm so lazy to upload all of them at photobucket. But thats just about all that happened while i was away. Geeee....this must have been one of my longest posts ever right? I'm tired too. See all of you guys at your pages. I will try and develop www.jaybabe.com I'm tryina figure out what to put in there.
Any personal questions should be sent to seane@jaybabe.com

I love you all...and i missed all of you...

Modimo Wame!...I Got Tagged..!

Okay, i had thought i escaped this, but OLAMILD and ALOOF somehow sensed that i hadn't done this and tagged me. Lemme follow the lead and post the rules:

1.link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...

I started by looking up for the meaning of quirk-yes i didn't know what that meant. In fact i googled it up and came to know that it means strange or odd things. Now, i really donno if what i'm gonna put down is really strange or what but:

Quirk 1
I dont like speed. I don't like people who are speed freaks. Thats y i use public transport coz their speed limit is 80km/hr or less. A friend of mine when he comes visiting, he uses these rental cars which are confined to a speed limit of 100km/hr or less. Going beyond that, the car starts making this annoying beeping sound..lol..i love that. If i get lucky one day and get my own car, i'll ask them-the makers, to install that kinda annoying beeping sound. Its better late than never right?

Quirk 2
I had a car accident, in fact a bus accident in 1986. I remember i fell asleep on the way and when i woke up the bus had over turned, there was a lotta screaming, people fighting for the door to get out. I was 6 years old, and that happened about...ermmm..21 years ago, but up till now i cannot sleep while travelling! Thats for sure. Even if can stay out late, or go clubbing till dawn when i have to travel in the morning, people i won't fall asleep in the bus ooo! Would wait till i get home. And ermmm..coz that accident happened while there weren't more developments like now, the road was still gravelled, and up till now i still shudder at the use of gravel roads. I prefer tared roads. I wonder if i'll ever change about this.

Quirk 3
People, i'm very impatient. If i want something now, or if i want it done like now, now has to be time! Same as when my mind's made up. I can't change it.

Quirk 4
I have this odd habit of thinking funny stuff when my mum tells me that she's not feeling well. Hey..God!..It happens all the time. When she does that, i start getting scared. I start thinking about what will i do if she leaves this earth. I start seeing myself having problems with the kids. Okay, they'll move to Gabz, but when i go to work, who'll look after Jeddah coz Vicky and Jnr will both be at school? When they come back from school, will they be able to cook lunch for themselves or will they have to wait for me? Jesus! But they'll be hungry, and can't wait for 5pm. Oh! my God!..then it'll dawn on me that i need my mum more than i can ever imagine. She shouldn't go oo! Not now..and not ever. Then i tell myself, ''Jane, just shut up! Nothing of that sort will happen''

Quirk 5
Well...things have been moving fine for me lately. I'm doing quiet well as a mother and as an individual. But still i haven't dropped this habit of locking myself inside the house for like maybe the whole weekend, that is if i aint working. I gues i'm used to it now. One of the tenants once told me, when she saw me getting outta the house, she was like, ''so you've been around?''. I was like, ''yeah, why?''. And she goes, '' We thought you went home for the weekend?''. ''No, i've been inside the house, probably sleeping..lol..''

Quirk 6
I do like fantacising. Sometimes i see myself with all the bloggers in one big house. I see myself trying to get Pamela to explain what she was doing in the bath-tub. I see Afrobabe telling Dog about her 1st encounter with a man. I see Olamild and Sparkle trying out some new tunes. Really, i can't stop daydreaming. I do that like everyday.

Shuu! I've said enuff. Now i'm tagging the following people. If they've done this already, that'll mean i've been out of Blogville for a long time. And yes i know i haven't been around for quiet some time now.
Toochi, neema devine, disgodkidd, eddiie, incognaija, Pardon Me For Who I Am

Crazy Things Kids Say

Sometimes i wonder what really goes on in kids' minds when they say the things they say and ask the questions they ask. And i must admit i think i'm really gonna have a tough time dealing with these three in a row. Like i said, went home over the long weekend and it was really gr8 spending ample time with them anklesnappers(like somebody calls them)

Was busy cooking in the kitchen and Vicky was helping me out while we talked.
''Jane?''
''Mmh?''
''Who's Jnr's mother?''
''I am''
''And who's Jeddah's?''
''I am''
''Who's daughter am i?''
''I am''
''Mh-mh! Jane? you mean like you have 3 kids?''
''Yeah''
''Yeah baby'' I said, summoning her to pass me a bowl with crushed tomatoes.
''How many kids does mama have?''
''Awwwww! Bona(her pet name) you donno? I am her only child''
''How come you have three kids and mama has only one?''
''Errmmm, Ode(her other pet name) i think during her time there wasn't enuff money to buy kids you know? So i gues maybe i had enuff mani,so i bought the three of you.''
''Why did you decide to buy three of us?''
''Coz i loved three of you, pass me the wooden spoon'', she passed me the wooden spoon.
''Mmh! But you shouldn't have bought Jnr, you know i don't like that guy?''
''Why?''
''He beats me and Jeddah all the time''
''What will you be doing to him such that he ends up beating you two?''
''Nothing.''
''Nothing?''
''Mmh-hmm!''
''I don't believe you.''-at that moment i heard Jedday scream outside. I pipped my head out and shouted, ''Jeddah what is it?''
''Jnr beat me..''he said, between cries...''See, Jane i told you.''

Later that after noon, we were watching Shrek 3 and there's a part where Fiona shouts to Shrek, telling him that she's pregnant. Jeddah turned to look at me.
''Jane?''
''Yeah baby''
''What does Fiona mean by that?''
''She means she's going to have a baby for Shrek''
''Where is the baby now?''
''Ermmmm...she means that Shrek is going to be a father.''
''When?''
''Later''
''Where is she putting the baby?''
''I think the baby is at the swamp.(Coz i had previously watched the movie, so i knew the babies were only goinno be shown while at the swamp)
''Mmh?''
''Yeah''
''Okay.''
Pweeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! That was close.


When i asked Jnr what he was doing with my phone, he said he was sending P.S an sms. LOL...silly boy.
So, it occured to me that my mum is not the only person who wants me to find and man and get married. It was in the evening when we were out side at the traditional kitchen, you know tryina make fire to heat water for their bath,and Jnr started it. This guy nearly gave me a heart-attack.
''Jane, do you know that they day you get married,we are going to use this kitchen to cook, with large pots like that?''
''Ha! Jnr, what makes you think i'm going to get married?''
''Kgomotso has two kids and she got married (Kgomotso is our neighbour) You have kids too so i think you are going to get married.''
''People who get married are those who have male friends Junior, i don't.''
''But you said P.S is coming. Are you guys not getting married?''
''No''
''Why?''
''Because i don't wanna get married.'' Foolish me. How can i be telling such a small boy this rubbish, as if he understood a thing.
''So why is P.S coming over?''
''Because he wants to see you guys.''
''Thats just it?''
''Junior, go get the bucket in the house we go fetch water from the tap. You talk too much wena waitse?''

Sort of...

Thank you so much guys for all the comments on my last post. I must apologise for not replying to all of them. By now you guys should understand what happens when it becomes month end this side. We get so goddammnn busy. But i'm back now and i must admit, it really feels good to be here again. The other thing, some of the comments published on the last post have finished the story for me so i dont think its wise to start writting to the end. Once again, thank you. Even though a fight broke out at the resturant, all the same the story ended exactly the way you guys thought.

So right i dont have anything gist, but just that i attended one bridal shower over the weekend. Ermmmm..one of my colleague is getting married next month, so they threw a bridal shower for her. Can you just imagine that its winter already here, and the dress code was either mini skirts or hot pants? God! These girls wanted to kills us ooo! Anyway Jaybabe was there and it was fun. Really fun. The girl who's holding that Turperware salad bowl is the one getting married. Showers are the same in any circumstance. You bring a present, they write you name down, and what you've bought. So that next time when you have your own function, they'll buy for you what you deserve. Fun right?

And then, ever since the new president was sworn in, he came up with laws that are really gonna suffocate some of us. Right now the prices for alcohol are gonna skyrocket. And i heard he's gonna tell the brewery companies to reduce the alcohol content, then increase the prices. Jesus Christ! Again he's changed all the times for bars and clubs' operation. Bars close at 10pm. Night clubs close b4 midnight. If there's a festival, everybody should be home b4 2am. Liquor stores dont open on sundays and during the week they open at 6pm and close at 10pm. Ha! My God! The Botswana Music Union is now taking the gorvenment to court, well...so i heard. I think the rate at which this guy is going, he's gonna step down b4 he knows it! The party animal in me is gone now. After the bridal shower thing, the DJ was there to rock the night away. Just as he was about to start, the police came in. By 11pm i was soundly asleep at Doc's House. Well, when we got home, Doc started teaching me her karate tectics. We were bored. There was nothing we could do. Her husband was sleeping so we couldn't even play some music!

See this hair style? Its called cock-screwed carrot. I donno who came up with that name. Well..i thought it looked great on some people so i decided to try it out sef. Not bad is it?

Ehen! Now, i'm gonna take my time making the rounds in Blogville. Mehn! I must be left behind. But seriously, i'm gonna make sure i pass through everybody's page. I think with the list i have now its gonna take me about 2 weeks to complete the round. Guys take care. Thursday and Friday are holidays so i'll be gone home. I miss my 3 in a row. Ermmm..one other thing...Pamela sent me her pictures. I'm all smiles today...**grinning**