Abuse in a relationship comes in so many ways. It can either be physical, emotional, pyschological or even verbal. I have witnessed abuse in all sorts of situations while i was growing up, and all the time it wasn't a good picture.
When i was about 4 years old, a guy used to beat my mum. When i calculate now, i think my mum was around 22. I remember accompanying my mum to the police station that night. And then another one emotionally abused her when we were staying in O/town. I was still very young by then. Maybe around 6 or so. Then we parted ways, she came to leave in Gabz while i remained with her sister(my aunt) in O/town. And i also got to witness yet another string of abuses whie staying with those people. The husband beating up the wife almost everyday.
As i was staying together with their children, who were growing up, and maybe going thru that 'growing-up' stage, their boyfriends used to beat them, right in front of us, the young ones. And then i moved again, from O/town, to a place where my mum got married. More abuse.
I have gone thru some form of abuse myself. A coupla days ago i asked my mum a very ermmm...kinda silly question. Well..i wanted to know now abeg...I asked her about her relationships while she was growing up. Whether all the guys she went out with, were treating her the way mine are treating me. Like all the guys i've gone out with, are all insecure, overprotective, jealous freaks and everytime they wanna take my life into their own hands and order me around. Like i have to do AS they say. God! This used to worry me a lot. But after talking to my mum, and realising that i'm walking right on her footsteps, geeee!, i've given up trying to find out why. I've gotten to a point where i dont even ask him why he's behaving like that.
Now, the big question is, who is wrong in situations like this? Is he wrong, coz he doesn't consider women abuse as the wrong thing to do? Am i wrong coz i'm allowing him to treat me like that? Why can't i tell him no? Why can't i say enough is enough when its enough? What does the person in you say?
...just last night, i had somebody's grip tight around my neck, just because i got an international call from a friend. Just a mere friend. What was i to do when he didn't believe what i told him about me and the caller?...
17 comments:
OMG darling this is so intense...first and foremost, he is the wrong person in all this!It is wrong to want to control some-one, it is wrong to grip some-one's neck, simply put, abuse whether physical or emotional is wrong!! I know this is easy for me to say because I'm not in your situation but hon, you need to get of it, your life is much more important(Junior needs you), this man who is clearly insecure and a coward tries to use violence and words to control you..but hon you're much more worthy of such treatment. Would he consider counselling?If not, hon, please for your sake and Junior's please try and get out or get help for the both of you...
If you do need some-one to talk to I'm here hon xoxo
Sweetie, 16 Days of Activism on Gender Based Violence is currently going on
Is never the fault of the abused. It's never the fault of the victim.
And to get a lot of things clearly, we need information about fundamental human rights and since every soul need to know about this, it becomes a big issue if anyone is violated. The laws are there, the rules are there therefore there is no claim of ignorance
To add, I think we need to be strong in every aspect of our lives. We should not find it difficult to say no to what we dont want or to seek help if things are getting out of hands
Jaybabe, I am sure you will be an helper to a lot of women that are victims of abuse.
It does no good to remain in an abusive relationship!
Standtall is right here. It does no good to remain in an abusive relationship!Insecurity is a very dangerous trend in any relationship and lack of trust makes it worse. You've been through a lot my dear and i believe all these have made you a stronger woman. Use that strenght to help thousands of women out there who are still trapped in the evil vice of abusive relationships.
Spineless fools of men. That's their stock n trade. Na God go punish all of them.
babe,1st you are not at fault.u r just with the wrong person.he has no right to control you.God has deposited in you all you need to be great.Don't let some insecure bastard(permit me) limit your potential.end your relationship with him.ask god for help cuz such is easier said than done.praying for u.
No WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
That is unacceptable!
I don't care what you've done or said, any man that puts his hands on you inappropriately is WRONG. Wrong is plain wrong. It is not justifiable. You do not need a man that has no respect for a woman.
You need someone to love, cherish, and trust you. Leave the insecure maniac.
It seems you are to weak to stand up and say NO. My advice for you is to cut all contact with any one that abuses you in any way. WALK AWAY.
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The abuse is not your fault. No matter how guilty you feel, you did not cause your abuse.....The abuse is not, repeat, not your fault. No one deserves this treatment. Nothing you have ever done justifies physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional abuse.
Why do women remain in abusive situations?
Low self-esteem, denial, a feeling that "things will get better," fear for children, general feelings of despair are the usual reasons women remain in an abusive marriage or relationship.....
So gal i believe you are one strong fella. don't be a coward, just stand up and say enough is enough. man's abuse is a complex of inferiosity, you can't help him if he can't help himself to sort oout that, stop being a punch bag.
Damn... never would have imagined it was that hectic. Shit. find something he Loves. Talk about it (abuse), give security where there is none. Most of all, we Love you out here but girl u gotta stay in this one, make it work.
Nnana, I don't care what this person gives you, I don't care whether the rest of the time they're sweet, kind and loving, I don't even care if you think you love the person with everything you are...if they can abuse you they don't love you enough. Any kind of abuse, no matter how subtle, just tells of that person's selfishness. Ok, so may be he really does love you, but it's not the kind of love you need, you certainly don't need a controlling man. He doesn't love you for you, he loves you for himself, if you get what I'm trying to say. Ga a ratele wena, o a ithatela...
Jay
TRUST is a very strong word in relationship. If you really want to prove your love to me as a man, you must be able to trust me. You must be able to believe whatever I say. There is this discipline I've built in my character; I learnt to always believe whatever my man tells me. This does not make me stupid; it makes you strong.
For him to grip you coersively is wrong, and very dangerous to the relationship.
You need to show more maturity and be more vigilant too. Some guys don't worth our troubles.
It's absurd!!! Men of these world?
@ALL...Thank you so much for all the comments. I really do appreciate it.
@Shona..thanx for offering to be there. I gues this is the time i'm gonna need all of you guys the most.
@Standtall...babes, i always look forward to this time of the year, 16 Days of Activism on Gender Based Violence...when i can let out all i've been thru as a woman, and most of all as a young, single mum. Thanx.
@Ekema...you donno how it makes me feel to hear a man say that..thanx..you are one of a kind.
@Smile to the bank...He surely will punish all of them...
@Shalewa..**smiles**..thanx for the prayers my dear. I do believe your every word.
@Ola..i know you've always been there for me. in every way imaginable. And you know me inside out. But babes, this is Jaybabe, telling you that i've gotten to a point where i cant say anything anymore. I'm just...i'm tired Ola...
@Izzy...hey you. Good to see you. Thanx for all that you said. Will take heed of all of it. Thank you so much.
@Elo...now you understand why i told you that right?
@Early..hai, rati, ke tlaa leka. Fela everytime when i try to do that o sosobanya sefatlhego, and it scares me all the time. Ga ke letlelelwe go bua le mogala or even sms, he does everything he wants with my phones..Modimo!
@Yewande Atanda...thats exactly what i talked to him about, when i told him that we are holding a xmas party at work. Can you believe that i even asked for permission to attend OUR party? He said he trusts me. Thats what he said. And then, the next minute he says i should be home b4 midnight. Can you also believe that he has asked his friend to accompany me to the party? I think i shuld no go at all...
@Eddiie..but then somebody said we can't live without them. We can right? How you doing boy?
To all of you guys, believe you me, i DO HATE ABUSE!!!
whoa..
theres really no excuse for abuse..i guess we stay in abusive relationships fervently hoping things will change, even though they hardly ever do..
you just need to be strong enough to run once u start seeing the signs..i mean, almost being strangled cos u got a call?? only God knows what he could do next..just be careful, ok?
U rock me lady!
Babes, the abuser is always wrong, never make the mistake of making excuses for them....never...
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