One On One With Her Highness( Abuse Against Women)

For the very first time in Blogville, here's Jaybabe's mum. I was with her at one wedding back home over the weekend. We really did had a great time.

For a while now, i had been asking myself why i have to go through what i go through when it comes to men. I always ask myself if there's anything wrong i've done to deserve all this treatment. Why is it that i have to be sooo overprotected like that in a relationship? As if i can't take care of myself. Very good care oooh!! But no, all i get is 'i'm bahaving like this because i don wanna lose you'...!God! is that how somebody should behave if they don wanna lose someone? What makes them think they'll lose me?

Anyway, there's a tswana saying that, when interpreted, means that whatever will happen to me, will also happen to my young one, more or less the same. Whatever i go through, he/she will also go through the same. For example, my mum gave birth to me when she was 18, and i gave birth to Vicky when i was 19. Maybe Vicky will have her first baby either at 18, 19 or 20. I donno. Maybe.

My point here, is that i got into a one on one chat with my mum, about all that i go through in relationships. Yes i wanted to know if she went through the same kinda thing when she was growing up. Only to find that my mum's case was worse than mine.
My mum and i are friends. Very close friends. We talk about anything and everything, anytime, anywhere.

She told me about her experiences with men. One experience of hers that really shattered me was when she told me how she lost somebody she loved dearly. The guy commited suicide after he went to my mum's house and didnt find her at home. He never tried to find answers from my mum of where she went to. My mum said she was devastated. Especially that the guy left a note, that if people wanted to know why he did what he did, they should ask my mum. My mum said they never fought or had any misunderstandings b4 the suicide thing happened. So even up till now she doesn't know exactly why that guy took his life...

What scares me the most is that she said...its goinno be like that, for as long as i live...because she's been leaving like that herself...that's why she doesn't want any man in her life right now.
The advice i got from my mum was that, everytime something of this sort happens, i should always keep quiet. If he gets angry i should listen and not talk back at him. I should always apologise even if i know dep down that i aint the wrong one.

Guys, if at all it was written, is there anything i can do to change all that? Should i just forget about trying to change another person and accept that my life was meant to be that miserable? I mean i want to love someone, i want to be loved. I want to trust someone, i want be trusted. I dont wanna leave this kinda life because i dont want Vicky to go through the same things...Please help!

The Person In You

Abuse in a relationship comes in so many ways. It can either be physical, emotional, pyschological or even verbal. I have witnessed abuse in all sorts of situations while i was growing up, and all the time it wasn't a good picture.

When i was about 4 years old, a guy used to beat my mum. When i calculate now, i think my mum was around 22. I remember accompanying my mum to the police station that night. And then another one emotionally abused her when we were staying in O/town. I was still very young by then. Maybe around 6 or so. Then we parted ways, she came to leave in Gabz while i remained with her sister(my aunt) in O/town. And i also got to witness yet another string of abuses whie staying with those people. The husband beating up the wife almost everyday.

As i was staying together with their children, who were growing up, and maybe going thru that 'growing-up' stage, their boyfriends used to beat them, right in front of us, the young ones. And then i moved again, from O/town, to a place where my mum got married. More abuse.

I have gone thru some form of abuse myself. A coupla days ago i asked my mum a very ermmm...kinda silly question. Well..i wanted to know now abeg...I asked her about her relationships while she was growing up. Whether all the guys she went out with, were treating her the way mine are treating me. Like all the guys i've gone out with, are all insecure, overprotective, jealous freaks and everytime they wanna take my life into their own hands and order me around. Like i have to do AS they say. God! This used to worry me a lot. But after talking to my mum, and realising that i'm walking right on her footsteps, geeee!, i've given up trying to find out why. I've gotten to a point where i dont even ask him why he's behaving like that.

Now, the big question is, who is wrong in situations like this? Is he wrong, coz he doesn't consider women abuse as the wrong thing to do? Am i wrong coz i'm allowing him to treat me like that? Why can't i tell him no? Why can't i say enough is enough when its enough? What does the person in you say?

...just last night, i had somebody's grip tight around my neck, just because i got an international call from a friend. Just a mere friend. What was i to do when he didn't believe what i told him about me and the caller?...