Competition:Miss Freshers Ball 2001
Location: Tonota College Of Education
Phase One:
I can't contain myself when leaving the GICC premises at the Grand Palm.I'd made it to participate in the grand finale of the most talked about competition.Yes..that's exactly what i mean! I made it to the top 12.I'm hurrying to the bus stop to get a taxi home.I'm all smiles when i picture how my babe was gonna react to my new found breakthrough to the world where i've always wanted to be.
''You are not participating''
''What?'' i swayed to give him a you-dont-mean-that look.
''Babe what du mean?'' asking now in between sobs,the tears fast gathering and blurring my view,was starting to shake,my heart beating so fast.
''I mean exactly that! You are not taking part in that pageant! Don't you get that?'' He stood up and started pacing the house.
''But babe why?'' i'm crying now..
''Then what happens after that? If you don't win,it'll be a bonus for me,coz i'll know i'll still have you.But if you win,all those guys with money and driving flashy cars will definetly take you away from me.What will i be left with huh?''
''Babe,but we talked about this.What about the money we spent on registration and attire? Are gonna throw all that away? Just like that? Babe please don't do this to me? I've come this far,please don't?'' I'm like talking in between cries and hiccups.
''I don't wanna lose you Jane,and i know..i can feel it,that if if i let you take part in that event i'm gonna lose you.I don't wanna take that risk.My word is final.''
That night i cried myself to sleep in that couch...i coz i could clearly see my dream slipping away through my fingers...
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Talent show 1997
Swaneng Hill School
The only remaining members of the Grave Faces-LG & Baby Jay
Phase Two:
The queue was very long and it was scorching hot! But from what i knew L.G and i had put together,it was worth the wait and a little patience i gues.We were all gathered at Tsholofelo Hall,opposite my favourite hang out,Tsholofelo Park.The auditions were ongoing for My African Dream 2005.Many people came over to try their luck.Some came as individuals while others came in groups.Others were in pairs like me and L.G
L.G and i met in high school.Used to take part in talent shows at school and since then we were stuck together.Originally our group comprised of four members-The Notch,L.G,Biggy and me.Yes i was the only lady.So today we here just the two of us.The other two members left because of school and all..
L.G and i were singing our single 'tryina letting go'.Gues everybod like it coz after our presentation the hall went beserk,and the applause nearly brought down the building.Two weeks down the line we were contacted to come register at Cresta Lodge.Registration fee was just P50.
I'm excited too when leaving Cresta Lodge.This time around i knew my babe was gonna lemme participate coz he knew i had the voice and he was gonna be there with me always.Mind you we had already started something at home.He had a coupla softwares in his computer that we sometimes set down at to come up with nice tunes for some songs.So he knew i got a gr8 voice.
Still,when i told him that our group has been chosen for the M.A.D competition,he dis-allowed me to go take part.He came up with all sorts of stories.All sorts of excuses.
Now,i'm sitting here,this afternoon,at this computer,leshing out at i donno who.Blaming anyone i donno.So,this is what you get out of laying your life for somebody? Honouring and respecting what the two of you share?. I dont wanna imagine how my life would have been if that guy had allowed me to enter those competitions.Maybe it would have been a better opportunity for me to express myself.To express the real me.
Now,the years have passed.The years are gone.I'm done with ever dreaming of walking down that rampage again.My beautiful legs mean nothing to me anymore.Their place belong under this demin jeans for as long as they'll live.The smile has turned into a crying smile now.The eyes are swollen and my brains have been filled with so many forgotten things. The microphone?..i don't know if i'll remember how to hold it.The lyrics i had,the beats,the rythms,the strings i've dreamt of plucking...all have gone down the drain.
I've lived somebody's life.I've lived the way somebody wanted.I've obeyed,listened to and done exactly what i was told to do.Yes...it feels gr8 to know that you belong to someone.But not like that.I don wanna belong to someone anymore.At least for now i wanna belong WITH someone.I want someone who can tell me they love what i do,and still remind me of what i should not forget.Everybody's jealous.Everybody's insecure.But....eish...it's me mann! This is me! I know what i'm doing and i know what and what not to do.
There's Phase Three...but that's a story for another day....
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