I couldn't sleep the previous night.So many things were going on in my mind.But the main thing that was going on in my mind was what might be happening at the house i used to call my own.I'm still sleeping at 11am.My aunt had gone to work.Her first born too.And the other two had gone to school.So i'm alone in the house.I smiled coz i knew i was gonna be alone for the rest of the day.And it was gonna be like that for the next 7 days or so coz i was on study leave.
I was about to catch another nap when i heard a knock at the door.I dragged my feet outtta the bed and went to open the door.God! Please! Not now!..
''And then?''
''Can we talk?''
''About?''
After what seemed like ages he went, ''Jane,i'm sorry!''
''For what?''
''For yesterday.I didn't want it to be that way.I didn't plan it that way''
''Haa! So you planned that? Aaag! why am i even talking to you? Please leave!''
I closed the door and he quickly put his foot on the doorway. ''Jane,please hear me out!''
I showed him in.
''I've made the biggest mistake of my life by treating you like that.I was hurt okay.I wanted you to feel my pain.But now i realise i shouldn't have done that.Please forgive me?''
''Where is she right now?''
''She's at the house.I don't wanna see that girl anymore.She's refusing to leave my house.I want us to work it out Jane.Please.I cannot live without you.I just can't.
I'm looking at this guy and inside i'm going,''your house alright you surker! think i'm listening to you? after making a fool out of me you come here and tell me that crap?''
''Rogy you have to leave coz i'm going out now-!''
''You seeing somebody already?''
''No! my aunt sent me to pay her bills.And i have to study coz i'm writting my exams i a week.What i think you should do is go back to your house and be with your new girlfriend.I really cannot help you in any way.Sorry neh?''
He left and i went to get my bath before starting to run around doing some errands.Believe you me,the days that followed Rogy came to my aunt's every morning,like at 8 in the morning and sometimes left at night.He even went to fill in leave days at his work and said that he wanted to clear his mind.Our break up was still new so yes i wanted him back.I still loved him oh!
But then,one night,when i was alone in the bedroom.I started thinking.Rogy comes to check on me everyday.We spend the whole days together.He leaves at night.But when he leaves,he's going to that girl.And maybe that girl doesn't know he's coming here.He admitted that when i asked him.That girl didn't know he was coming here.She just thought he was going to work.Mmh! Men! They can really play their cards.And play them real right!
I wonder why i couldn't let him go then.Why didn't i tell him that i never wanted to see him again? Why didn't i tell him to fuck off? Well..there were reasons why i couldn't let him go.
We came thus far with Rogy.We went through a lot together.He cared for me.If it wasn't for him,i wouldn't be working for this company.If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be heading for my diploma in management now.He was there for me when Ernest fucked me up and left me with a baby.He loved Vicky as his own.He disowned his family when we had Rogers Jnr because they were complaining that he is spending too much time with me.He took me back after Jeddah.He still loved me then.Maybe even more.He planned for my birthdays in advance.He ordered stuff for Valentines day way ahead of time.He appreciated me in everything i did.In everything i was.Thats why it was fine to spend those days with him.
But then i gues he lost it when he saw that i wasn't interested in getting back with him.Well i still loved him,but what he did to me then was unforgetable.So he backed off a little.I liked it coz i was having my peace,even though i missed him sometimes.I just couldn't go back to him.I even told him that everytime i see him,i see myself fighting with another woman for him! Everytime i see him,i see myself reporting myself to the police for attempted murder! I just couldn't go back to that guy.I couldn't.
Like i said,he said he was through with Tshidi then.Didn't want him anymore after that sunday night.But life again..never ceases to amaze me.After Tshidi there came another woman into his house.The woman who had always(so i thought) wanted to be in my shoes.The woman who had always wanted to be me! The woman who had always wanted to have what i got.No! it's not a woman really.It's a girl.A little girl.
While i'm still walking this earth with these my two feet,i'll live to tell the story with Lebo! You remember her right? That little girl who Rogy and i used to help with her maths homework? That little girl who used to tell me that she looks up to me as her sister!...that's the woman of the house now...
5 comments:
Woah!
This is serious. But wait, I don't understand. So are you saying he moved a gal in2 ur house? That's crazy!!
@vera..that guy's more than crazy o!..maybe thats the way he is.Every girl he goes out with HAS to move in with him...i donno why he's like that.But it doesn't matter to me now does it? I'm done with the part about him now...moving on..
Moving on baby. Leeave him with the legacy that he will never be missed!
Welcome back from study leave you writer you!
Not relevant to this but I thought I should put it on the freshpages in relation to a previous blog of yours:
Hey, I am glad that I made the time to page through your entire blog. And what a journey of discovery it was. It's like you walked me literally through your life and heart and pains and joys.
I am left breathless by this particular blog on all the important point you make: stepdaddies, your 3 kids, the love for your moms and hers for you and the thoughts on marriage. I am sure all those shaped your life in a way that is more constructive than destructive - cos here you are still kicking ass.
On marriage: I am married and I am still young (not really as per reality of dying any day). I love it to bits and it fulfills me and has become a part of the definition of my life and its goals. I have come to appreciate the things that focus on the immaterial and on family and friendships based on my marriage.
On Kids: They make me what I am. I have two (yes, the prince is coming at age 30-35 still, so I will catch up babe). I adore my kids, love them and have given them the right to claim on my time and my life. My life has come to centre around their futures and safety but more so, their happiness. And I would not have done anything different if I had a choice - I want this kids.
On fear: I admire your speaking on fear and respect that you do feel it. However, I wouldn't allow myself to be dictated to by fear on whether I marry or not. Abusive men are extremely predictable in my opinion. Less loving non-family man are predictable - you can see by their behaviour, comments and lack of thought on so many emotional issues. So hey, keep that heart open to welcome and see a man who can truly love you and your kids.
One of the initial (now faded into something even more deeper) for marrying was that if I claim to trully love V (the wife) and have a kid with her, then why marry later and currently leave out of wedlock when I can collapse the time line cos I am gonna marry this woman anyway. And why not protect my own daughter under marriage than outside marriage where I would have less influence on her developing mind and heart. So I took over as I could not trust other men to love my daughter better.
On that latter note, I must stress that someone I know and am close to has married and the first child is hers alone and the husband loves her to bits nonetheless - like I said, the manscape is like a peacock, some good, some bad -and all that in varying degrees.
My friend, let your heart speak to you about what to expect out of a man, and let it guide you into detecting such a man. Fools will come and try their luck - see through them and let pass to the trash bin.
@Izzy...I'm really touched by what you put down and i gues i'm starting to have second thoughts on marriage now.I really thank you for all that you said,and still hoping to find a guy out there bold enough to let me see marriage the same way you do.I'll keep you posted on that okay?
thank you again for stopping by.How's that little girl you brought to the world?
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