A friend of mine, Dan, said he got into marriage bcoz his girlfriend came to him and said, ''I'm pregnant!''. And then he was like, ''Okay fine, lets get married''. And that was that.
I saw him over the weekend and he said the marriage is on the rocks and they are in the process of getting a divorce. Dan will be 28 this year and he got married at 25. His baby boy is 3 years now. Such a lovely thing.
When we got talking, he told me how he got into that marriage thing for all the wrong reasons. He said he realised later, that the two of them, had personalities that differed a great deal.
Is it because of these different personalities that drives people getting divorced at the end? Why get married at first when there are certain things that makes the two of you different? I want to know the real reason why people marry. And why does everything else change after getting married? Its like when eveything changes after a baby is born into a relationship.
When the two of you are still dating, and no talking about marriage, no talking about having a baby, everything runs so smooth. But the minute you get married, or the woman falls pregnant, everything changes. The relationship changes. Why?
When i got engaged to my ex, in 2004, i wasn't ready for marriage. He bought that ring bcoz we fought- well not physically fighting, but argued a lot that morning, and i threatened to leave, and then, later he slipped that band on my finger, but i wasn't smiling, i wasn't surprised, i didn't cry, i wasn't happy, i didn't like it at all. Just that i felt sorry for him, coz he was trying by all means to make things right.
That engagement didn't even go as far as walking down the aisle, bcoz it was all for the wrong reasons. I think i wrote a story on that sometime ago. How it all ended and all.
Even up till now i'm still asking myself that, if at all i had gotten married that time, what wud have been my reason today for the marriage? As i didnt have a solid reason to get engaged that time.**sends out a lil laugh**..you know i even remember we went home to tell my mum, and i remember we were seated together outside the house and my mum was asking both of us if we knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into...
...anyway, whats your take on this?
And like i said, Doc's kitchen top-up was a blast! Right now she doesnt have space in her kitchen. Some of the presents are inside the guest rooms. I'm just so lazy to upload pictures. Sorry guys.
24 comments:
ha. first!!!!!!!!!!
ha. first!!!!!!!!!!
then second. u have to be kidding me. even third.
quite sad that people marry for the wrong reasons and never get to set their priorities right before heading to the altar. differences do not necessarily make relationships not work, after all, when u r too alike, it becomes boring. if only people look at marriage and behave as if they are still dating, so the sweetness wouldn't fade,a nd if only couples can live each day as their last, no one will be sad, I am sure, and marriages will last. but then, that is not facing the problems right?
YOu this babe you too like enjoyment sha,lol!
I dont want to marry for the wrong reasons so i wait.
Good u didn't get to marry him then, because u didn't understand what marriage meant. It's better u understand first, instead of rushing to do what u don't understand.
My definition of marriage is from Genesis where Eve was created to become a "companion of like minds" to Adam. A companion is someone who's with you through thick and thin, through the bad times and good times...who assists you in everything and sees that u achieve your potential in life...to enter into a marriage with someone is believing that you love someone so much that u're willing to spend the rest of your life with that person...
Marriage is definitely a big step, and no one shd ever be pressured into rushing into it, cos that's suicidal!
I always believed that some couples are better of never getting married. People just lose their minds when marriage comes into play.
People also need to be sure that they are complete before bringing another individual into their lives.
Hmmmmm..getting married is something very tricky and needs more than a thought...
With me? I sit back and imagine myself staying with this lady the rest of my life....Its then that i will know how much i want this to happen...
I think i love the idea of having to work things together..Have someone who is always there for you in times of shaky grounds...
I think its sweet.But again, getting into marriage is not a thing you will make within one or two weeks or even a month ot two or three months....Unless you are really sure...
Do i have a reason to get married? Yeah, i think so...
The only reason i can think of getting married is her.Am i going to be able to happilly live with this gal in teh same room...same bed....same everything the entire life?
But its a hard question i must emphasis
Just wanted to say hi...laziness no make me update my blog dis days...but I just did
How have u been Jaybabe?? miss u lots!
hey party girl lol
Hi long time..am kind of busy working on my Research.. but I will bounce back lol
My mum always said if u must date, then date someone u can marry!!!
To marry somebody, you have to be sure...SURE that you are ready to love this person regardless. Know that there are things that might spring up that might not be pleasant, but be ready to deal with it. You cant just replace your wife...you gotta fix it.
If you know you aint ready for the Good, the bad and the ugly, you aint ready at all. Dont do it!!
Great post Jay
i updated o!
i updated o!
@ afrobabe - ur mum said it right, but then at times, the story changes, he changes, and what we really want and need from a partner changes.
So, I'm back to comment on this...
In my opinion, I find it very funny that people break up relationships/marriages because they have some few things in difference. I wouldn't wanna get married for the wrong reason either, and I wouldn't wanna marry someone that has EVERYTHING in common with me..>I mean, what's the point...it's like getting married to yourself! I don't knwo if I make any sense here, but why would you end a marriage because of different personalities??
I hope u get what I'm tryna say...let's look at music...if all musicians sing the same way, wouldn't that be boring?!
That's why people need to knwo eachother very well b4 they get into marriage...there is no way you would be with a guy for over 5yrs and then get married, then give me some BS about u two having differentpersonalities...how come u haven't seen him with those personalities while dating him? bcos u don't know him!
So, I don't agree with that "we have different personalities so we're getting a divorce" crap!
hi jaybabe: TBG here. I think you read one of the early posts I had in my blog, sometime last year.
Somehow, I had this feeling that I should check out your blog, seeing that you no longer comment in mine (hence assuming that the content of my blog no longer interests you). But after reading your entry, I knew I was called here for a reason.
I didnt think I can have the perfect answer to your question, however, I do know that I have the right answer for me in my heart.
I got married, because I wanted to and I am ready for it. I take the vow seriously "no matter what (old, sick , poor, rich) we will be together to tide all waves and whirl those joyrides".
Hence, maybe you should ask yourself why you are getting married (or not) and regardless what those reasons are, as long as you are genuinely convinced and know that you will keep to that vow, then you know you are getting married for the right reason.
Note, the right reason for you might not apply to others ;)
hope this helps and God Bless.
Marriage ke... me i never get comment for that one...
na una go know oh...
Time now for the right answer it seems.
Marriage is an un-natural state, imposed on society by religion, which in itself was imposed on society. Designed to differentiate between mankind and the animal kingdom and to suppress the sexual urges of all of us.
Being man created. marriage flies in the face of nature; It suits women to a degree because the female, any female, seeks one male, selected for the best option she can get to produce healthy offspring and build and maintain the best possible nest. Ask any woman if this is not so. She will usually choose the strongest for the purpose which is why the male has a natural urge to fight with the next man. Poor sod, if only he knew why!
The male however, any male; has an inbuilt nature to spread his seed as far as he possibly can. This is to ensure he has as much support as possible in any future conflict. He cares little about whom will carry his seed. he will always appear devoted to the female in the first instance or she will not select him to mate. Once mating is succesfull, then another must be found.....he must widen his gene pool. Ask any man if this is not so.
Love, you say. What about love? Merely a chemical reaction between the gender as part of the selection process. Does love last beyond this selection? Have you all not already answered that one?
very very important and very broad topic...i am not married now...but im in this context right now...im needing advice myself...hectic i guess....thanks for dropping by
u funnny o afrobabe,
jaybabe dear,
been a while , how are u doing ?
me like this ur post alot, i agree wit u , people ve various reasons for getting married and the sucess or otherwise of the marriage is dependent on the main reason for venturing into
hmmm.....
interesting post.
People get married for different reasons but the most important reason and the one that has great staying power is COMPATABILITY.
Tis babe u do catch alot of fun. this marrage thin.2 complicated i plead the fifth
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