It's A Lie And A Laugh

Don't Lie To Kids: What an experience!
There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl says, "What's under there?"
So the man answers, "A bird."
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up; he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, "I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs.

Never Lie To Your Boss: Else You Are As Good As Dead!
boss said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?
employee: "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied.
boss : "Well…, there is proof now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your only uncle's funeral, He came here looking for you!"

Never Lie To Yourself: Vincent walks into a bar in Pretoria, orders three pints of Black Label and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders threemore. The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." Vinn replies, "Well, you see, I have two friends. One is in Polokwane, the other in Lebowakgomo, and I'm here in Pretoria . When I left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Vinn becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Vinny looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawn in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me.....I've quit drinking!"

Guys...i'll see you after the weekend, have a good one. And Please be careful of what you do and how you do it! Ciaaooo!!