But my mum cared for him still.We moved to his place in 1994.My mum was transfered to Serowe then from Palapye to work at Furniture Mart.I got my transfer too from Orapa where i was staying with my mum's sister.
We were coming there to stay as a complete family.He came with his son too.Omphile who was one year younger than me.Well the truth is i was told that this guy is my true biological father.We went for a DNA test and they proved that we are both Blood Group O Positive.I hated him so much i even wished in those specimens(if there's a word like that) there were some things that could show we are both O but different somehow.I was told that he ran away when my mother told him that she was pregnant with me.Came back after 15 solid years!
It was fine at first.At least i could also have something to say when people talked about their fathers.But when he started abusing me i started wishing he was dead.I wished i could kill him.I didn't call him dad or father.I didn't know what to call him.When i told my mum that her husband has got a tendency of getting in the bathroom when i'm bathing,my mum would not believe it! She was always taking his side.My mum knocked off at 17:30pm,i left school at 16:00pm and the guy knocked off at 16:30pm.He'll rush to come pick me up at school.I wasn't involved in any sport at school bcoz by exactly 16:00pm he'll be parked at the gate.
He made my life a living hell and all this time i could say nothing to my mum bcoz she would not believe me.Is that how it should be in this institution? You don't have a say in whatever your husband is doing? Even if he multreats your kids you don't say a thing? Why? Because you love him? Can you love your husband more than your kids? If he is a stepdad are you supposed to always take his side? Aaaggg! Mannn! That's bullshit! That's why i don't think i'll ever get somebody for my kids to call their dad.Somebody who'll pretend that he loves them after he marries me he shows his true colours! If it's like that then marriage sucks!
But I almost did it! Rogy proposed on my 24th birthday.Gave me a gold band on the 17th of June 2004.Lol...i donno who bought it now because i sold it like last year to one Indian Jewellery Shop in the Main Mall.Edwin and i talked about getting married until he knew about my other two kids that i had kept away from him.I also remember that my ex,Ernest,who had dreadlocks, used to say that the dagga he used to take meant a lot to him because the name carried two full meanings he treasured so much! He said the word 'marijuana' sounded like Mary and Jane-my mum's name and mine.And then again the word marijuana is like it's saying marry Jane-meaning that he should marry me! WEll i ain't interested in the marriage thing anymore.I gues it's gonna take a bold guy to convince me otherwise!
On the 17th of February 2002 they(my mum and the guy) had a heated quarrell with and he ended up stabbing my mum with a knife below the left breast,by the heart.I gues he wanted to kill her coz at his work he was doing post mortem to dead people so he knew where to stab my mum to end her life.But God is always there.And He was watching.It wasn't my mum's time i gues.
Two weeks down the line he fell sick and died.Of course i didn't cry.When my aunt called to tell me about it i was like, ''is it?'' Another part of me said, ''your mum is out of it now'' and the other said, 'you have your mum's love back!''
I had 3 chances at getting married,and it never happened.The gold ring that Rogy gave me had 3 diamonds on it.I could have been a teacher,an accountant or a PR, 3 posts i gave away just like that.I have 3 kids i adore so much.Fuck! what's with the number 3?! oh! shit! Dammnnit! i even had the operation on the 3rd!
1 comment:
Hey, I am glad that I made the time to page through your entire blog. And what a journey of discovery it was. It's like you walked me literally through your life and heart and pains and joys.
I am left breathless by this particular blog on all the important point you make: stepdaddies, your 3 kids, the love for your moms and hers for you and the thoughts on marriage. I am sure all those shaped your life in a way that is more constructive than destructive - cos here you are still kicking ass.
On marriage: I am married and I am still young (not really as per reality of dying any day). I love it to bits and it fulfills me and has become a part of the definition of my life and its goals. I have come to appreciate the things that focus on the immaterial and on family and friendships based on my marriage.
On Kids: They make me what I am. I have two (yes, the prince is coming at age 30-35 still, so I will catch up babe). I adore my kids, love them and have given them the right to claim on my time and my life. My life has come to centre around their futures and safety but more so, their happiness. And I would not have done anything different if I had a choice - I want this kids.
On fear: I admire your speaking on fear and respect that you do feel it. However, I wouldn't allow myself to be dictated to by fear on whether I marry or not. Abusive men are extremely predictable in my opinion. Less loving non-family man are predictable - you can see by their behaviour, comments and lack of thought on so many emotional issues. So hey, keep that heart open to welcome and see a man who can truly love you and your kids.
One of the initial (now faded into something even more deeper) for marrying was that if I claim to trully love V (the wife) and have a kid with her, then why marry later and currently leave out of wedlock when I can collapse the time line cos I am gonna marry this woman anyway. And why not protect my own daughter under marriage than outside marriage where I would have less influence on her developing mind and heart. So I took over as I could not trust other men to love my daughter better.
On that latter note, I must stress that someone I know and am close to has married and the first child is hers alone and the husband loves her to bits nonetheless - like I said, the manscape is like a peacock, some good, some bad -and all that in varying degrees.
My friend, let your heart speak to you about what to expect out of a man, and let it guide you into detecting such a man. Fools will come and try their luck - see through them and let pass to the trash bin.
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