At The End...It Turned Out Right

The arrival of Jnr a couple years ago brought a lot of changes between Rogers (Jnr's father) and his mum. Rogy’s mum had never accepted our relationship from the word go. So when Jnr came along, everything totally changed.

One day, Rogy, Jnr and I were at my aunt’s house in Gwest, when outta the blues, Rogy’s aunt and uncle came in unannounced and ordered Rogy to come along with them. They didn’t even accept our invitation into the house. Rogy had made it a habit of spending the whole day with us(Jnr and i) like everyday. Waking up at his house, he’ll come straight to my own. Jnr was barely 2 months old and his dad will help me in tending him while maybe I washed the nappies or made his bottle of milk.

Sometimes he washed the nappies while I played with him. Like we took it in turns. Rogy really loved his son, and it showed in the way he changed his nappies. I loved the way he wiped out the poo with baby wet wipes and applied baby powder! The way he placed his son in a new nappy, he did it much better than the other girls I see these days. It doesn’t matter how things turned out between us, there are still some good memories..

That fateful day his folks came and ordered him to come home with them. They told him how he doesn’t belong where he was, they told him how I have given him ‘muti’ to follow me around, an that it showed even in the way he washes nappies!
‘How can a man wash baby’s nappies? We’ve never seen that in our lifetime!’, they said to him. Jesus! That didn’t happen in THEIR lifetime dammmnit! These are the modern days! God! As I knew how veeery quiet Rogy was (well..Jnr is worse, is it because he’s named after his father?), that day he managed to talk back at his folks! I couldn’t believe my ears!

‘’I am not going anywhere!’, he snapped back.
‘’Rogy I said you are getting out of here, out of this house, away from this girl!’’, that was his uncle, pointing at me.
‘’Babe, go with them’’, I persuaded him. He looked at me, then at Jnr, and quietly walked out, following his uncle and aunt.

About 20 minutes down the line, Rogy came back. When I looked into his eyes, they were blood shot red. I knew he was crying, then I chose not to ask him what went down.
Well…people Jnr turned 7 on 20th Oct and last Saturday we held a little ‘cake-eating’ for him. Maybe one day he’ll come to know about all these, but again I don’t see that happening because everything turned out fine for everyone. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Many a people suggested I sue Rogers for child maintenance. I can’t see myself going down that road. I feel when I do that I’ll be reminding him that we share a son, but abeg…he knows that alright! I’m not having that much of problems raising these kids alone, and I don’t see any reason why I should digrace myself by dragging somebody to the magistrate, who’s sensible enough to know that he’s got kids. Please! Ah-ah!

Jeddah’s birthday is coming on the 4th of November. He’ll be turning 6. Am all smiles when writing this coz I just spoke to my mum a coupla minutes ago and she told me that she’s gone to register him for next year’s standard one intake. Kai! Minus one problem!

Driven To Cheat?????

Someone once asked in a comment: Can a man drive a woman to cheat? Why or why not? Of course I have to think of it from my perspective:
Can a woman drive a man to cheat?One person cannot drive another person to cheat … but they sure as hell can encourage them.

A cheater is a cheater. They had it in their heart to cheat (not saying that they knew they would or planned to do it … but they had the capacity to do it in their heart). Someone who is not a cheater is simply not going to cheat. You can entice them, put the p*ssy in their face, and threaten their job … but they won’t do it.
Even if an “anti-cheater” is walking in the strip club, trips on spilled drink, happens to fall into a condom someone was holding, falls into the girl doing toe touches on the floor … and she happens to be ok with it … and magically no one else can see them because a curtain just fell down hiding them from view … he still would pull out and say “sorry … but I have a girlfriend”. Yes … someone who is determined to not cheat and lacks the capacity to do it … won’t. Period!

But … not everyone is like that. Some are born with inclination to cheat. Scientists now are trying to determine the gene, but until that breakthrough comes … you just don’t know. There are a few different kinds of cheaters. You have your natural born cheaters (never smelt a pussy he didn’t like), your occasional cheaters (sometimes you just need a change), and the accidental cheater (same scenario as above … he just aint pull out) … but their all cheaters.

So … given that everyone is either a cheater or anti-cheater, no one can be forced from one group to the other. Sure, a cheater may be able to resist cheating … but he’s not an anti-cheater. The girlfriend or wife of the “non cheating cheater” can’t drive him to cheat … but she can sure as hell encourage his ass.

By allowing your man to know your not the one, your encouraging him to cheat. By not being the best girl you can be … by being selfish … by withholding previously promised s.e.x … by cheating on him … you are encouraging his ass. Just like if you put a pipe in front of a recovering fiend … you are essentially giving him fuel to cheat.

But … the anti-cheater won’t do it. Cheating is a personal decision … and no matter how close to the edge your pushed, you are the one cheating, you are the one breaking the rules, and you need to own up to that sh*t like a man (or woman).
Feel me?

So I Heard...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.* Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful:

Dr. Phil
You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts....