The Moral Of The Story

Slamming the domitory door behind me,i went to my bed,dropped my books on there and sat down.The silence was so deafning,like you could hear the sound of a pin falling.

''So how long are you gonna go on like that? huh?...blaming yourself for something you got no control over?...did you have any idea that we are gonna write the test tomorow?...did you have the idea that you won't be able to go Cape Town tomorrow?...c'mon Tia! don't be mad at your self for this..please!''

She pipped through her sheets to look at me.I gave her an understanding look.''Don't even start with me Jane,i didn't bother you like this when you got roudy with Edwin.So please just live me alone okay?'', she abruptly covered herself again with the sheets.

''This is not about me and Edwin okay Tia?,i softly said, ''It's about you and that Walter guy.So get a life girl and face it! Don't even try and hide behind what went on between me and Edwin.Your case is way too different okay?''

After a very long while,''Do you remember when you had a fight with Edwin?'',she said this still under the sheets, ''after he found out about your kids you hid from him? Do you remember how you spent all those days not going for lectures and all? That's exactly how am feeling right now.I feel like....I feel like just dying you know Jane?...Good God! why is this happeneing to me? Oooooh!''

''Look! stop saying that and let's think of what to do make your Walter guy understand okay? lets think of that now before it's too late.''

We went to the computer lab to send Walter another email bcause i told Tia that the only way is to write him and tell him that She'll come the following weekend.Just to make him see that sometimes there things we cannot control.That sometimes we just have to live with whatever comes our way.We were just goinno try that,coz i never tried to talk with Edwin after our ordeal and it felt so bad i didn't want Tia to go through that as i knew how it felt.

Daddy Please:

You donno what you are doing to me when you behave like that.The fact that i wont be able to come just kills me inside and to see you do that to me kills me even more.How was to know that there's gonna be a test coming? why cant you see that i didnt know? why are you doing that to me? You want me to believe what? that every time we are supposed to meet somethings comes up? shud i believe that maybe God doesnt want us to meet? that whatever we want to do is not rite? that we shud call it off? i cant do that because i've already given my heart to you.

i know that things like this do come up in a relationship and in a way God is testing our patience,whether we'll be able to wait for one another.What's so difficult in waiting for me? i've waited for you for as long as i can remember.Why cant you do that? And not think that i dont wanna see you.That i'm doing this deliberately.I am waiting to see you Walter and i wish you cud do that too.

Anyway...my love for you is as true as the colour of my skin...and i know in God's eyes i'm doing the rite thing in telling you everything that i feel is rite.Hope you cud do that too.

Sorry i cant call coz i dont have enough airtime,but i'll call you sometime.

Bye

Chii! jare,that was something! If that bloody Nigerian guy won't call my roommate, then i'm gonna tell her to just let it go because i could just see how crazy she was about the guy.It reminded me of the first times we used to talk with Edwin.I will be there all day,glued to the computer and not wanting to move.We were always online and if i didn't see him there i'll be so damn frustrated i would become moody.Well that was that in those good old days gone by.

After a couppla hours, Walter called Tia and they talked.They agreed that Tia come the following week friday.''This time no buts,i want you down here okay?'' Walter said to Tia.

God's gr8!

I cant seem to stop thanking this 'guy' everyday that i see.He seems to do things in a way we don't usually get to take time to digest and see what he really wanna say to us.

I usually say that i understand when God wants to show us some way,but today!...just today.I realised He wants to say something to me.He wants to show me something.I've heard Dear Lord,and i've seen the way!

Talking about the call i recieved last nite-around...say 01:15am.

Okay.....

The 3 Stoogies

When i look at the way they play with others
The way they concentrate on t.v
The way Jeddah and Jnr pay attention
When Vicky shows them how to write their names
I can see that my 3 stoogies are goinno excell at school

Well i aint counting the chicks as yet, but it
Gives me a smile everytime i look at them trying to play school
Vicky being the teacher
Recently i bought each one of them a school bag,pencil,rubber,cryons,sharpener and a book
And they are using them wisely
They know that a tree should be coloured green
And a cow should be coloured either brown or black and all the rest

Sometimes i wish they could have also inherited their fathers' intelligence
(sorry to a lot of people,but i have to bring this one in)
Vicky's dad is a software engineer
Jnr's dad is a civil engineer
Jeddah's dad is a science teacher
If they can have those brains together with mine
I'll know my kids will go somewhere
I'll know that education will take them somewhere

Oooops! i just remembered that
I have to take that film,of pictures of them i took over xmas,
To the studio for development
Can't wait to see them pictures
The pictures of my 3 little stoogies...

The Story Without A Moral

Using my access card through the varsity library main entrance, i hurried past the security guard saying my hi's along the hallway.I was meeting Tiane at 2 o'clock at our usual corner to revise for the test we were writting tomorow, and i was already 30 minutes late.Tia is very good at keeping time and i'm very bad at that.Anyway it didn't bother me because i knew if she's there already,she'll probably be chatting to that Nigerian guy she met online a coupla months back.

''Oh! Shit! I'm sorry i kept you waiting'', i said this putting my books on the table without looking at her. ''I had to drop Lonah's domitory key on my way.She-!'',i turned to look at Tia who had her eyes soaked with tears.

''Tia? Are you alright?''

She almost shouted at me, ''do i look alright to you? do i?...Oh! Jane'', she sobbed, ''i did it again,i scrued it up again''

''What Tia? What have you done again?''

''U know that i'm supposed to go meet Walter in Cape Town tomorow right? But now the test,Oh! God! no''. She buried her head in her hands and started crying.

''Tia...Good Lord,stop crying.'' I looked around to see if anybody was watching, ''there are people here studying,'' I whispered.
After a little while i said, ''we'll sort something out okay,stop crying.we'll send him an email to tell him why you can't make it okay girlfriend? c'mon now,pull yourself together will yah?'' I reassured her while stroking her back.

I introduced Tiane to edumela.com some months ago and since chatting with Walter she has been hooked to the thing as though her whole life depended on it.Walter is one Nigerian guy reciding in Cape Town and he and Tia had been planning to meet on several occassions and verytime Tia has to go something crops up.This even reminded me of the first time i went J'burg to meet Edwin.I was supposed to go on a friday,but postponed the journey to the following day saturday.Edwin was so cross and i felt pity for him when he told me that he spent the whole night waiting for me.I believed him coz his eyes were wary red from lack of enough sleep.

I was also supposed to see him off to Cape Town on that April day but couldn't make it.It was the 1st of that month and he even thought i was playing him April fool! Dammnit,my bag got snatched some days before and all my documents were in there including my passport so i couldn't go! Anyhow shaa!,for Tia it was suprising because everytime that something cropping up,happened to do that at the last minute.Tia was supposed to go tomorow.The lecturer just told us this morning that we have a test tomorow morning,he even apologised for telling us this late,said he forgot,and Tia cannot miss it because it's an assessment test.And if she missed it she'll have to re-sit the same course the following year.

Cape Town.I've heard from Edwin that it's a nice place.I was jealous that Tia was going Cape Town,not jealous because she's goinno meet Walter,but that she's going Cape Town and Edwin had promised to take me there sometime,but now that we are no more i'll have to save more money to get my own black ass down there.

I asked Tia to wipe her tears and get down to emailing Walter.

Eish Daddy,
I'm just from class now and the lecturer has just told us that we have an assessment test tomorow..I'll come over next week Friday.If you really love me like you say you do you'll let me write this test.I know i always tell you that am coming and then i give you a last minute shit! i know its hurting babe but if i dont write this test i'll be doomed.

I aint coming up with stories babe these bloody lecturer just told us now.Pliiiiiiiiizzzzz! I'm begging you babe please understand.Next week i wont say any excuse.I know how you feel.I know how prepared you were to meet me.

I cant wait to see you too.Just that when something like this comes up i have to abide u know.I love you Walter.Not even change of plans affect the way i feel about you.Hope you'll undestand that i HAVE to write the test.

My heart bleeds too that i was goinno see you for the first time.Please lets make it next week friday?

I love you and i hope you'll bear with me and not think otherwise.I want to see you.I want to hold you and tell you how much you mean to me.I want to whisper in your ear and let you know that without you life just aint a word with a meaning.I wanna do with you all those things we talked about.I wanna watch the stars with you at night,eat with you on the same plate,listen to our favourite song,watch our favourite movie(Nigerian movie),go with you to a club,dance with you,have that drink and hurry home to make passionate love.I still want to do that with you.We are still gonna do that when i come over next week friday!

I was hurt too when the lecturer told us that we have a test coming.I thot he was gonna say it will be at a later date.Only to find that its tomorow! Good Lord! i had an appointment with you tomorow!.

Love
Mummy.

Oh! my God! Sometimes i become so damn envious.Tia calls Walter daddy and Walter calls Tia mummy.These two are so much in love.
Tia kept on clicking her inbox for the reply and looking at her phone waiting anxiously for a call.

''Goddammnnit Tia! Let's concentrate please!. The sucker will call if the need be or email back.We got a tes-''

Tia's phone rang.It was him.

''hello?''

''You know what? I'll tell you when to come over okay? Don't ever tell me that you are coming''

''Babe please don't do that.Try and understand.I-''

''I have cancelled all my appointments knowing very well that you are coming.So what am i gonna do tomorow? How long should i go on with this? Everytime you have to come over,you tell me this has done that.You want me to believe that crap again?''

''I'm really sorry babe.I really am.I didn't-''

''I've heard that several times.Bye.''

Tia looked into thin air like she's seen a ghost. ''What is it dammnit? What did he say?''

She slowly turned her head to look at me,with tears gathering at full speed in her eyes.

''He hung up on me''

After a while,10 minutes or so,i said, ''Aaagg!,c'mon let's study.Let him go rot in hell.Nigerian boy my ass! Who the fuck does he think he is? Let him go flash his worn-out ass down the drain and leave us to study!''

''You don't understand you know that Jane? You don't understand''. She gathered her books quickly and stormed out of the library without saying a word.

''Tia!'', i whispered, ''Tia come back,Tia! We have work to do! Tia! Oh! Shit!, i followed suite!

The Little Cottage At The Back

I love this little room
All my deepest sorrows are buried in it
It's the only place that understands when i want to be alone
When i want my space,when i long for peace
I get all of that in abundance inside this little room

It's so small but it's big enough for me
In it i find solace and i am able to think my things over
Without unwanted and uninvited intruders bugging in
The only people who understand that sometimes i don't want to
Be disturbed when i've closed this little cottage's door
Are the people renting in the same compound
Only those people understand that,especially my aunt and her two kids
They gimme all the space i need
But people like I.T,Victor,Dorcas,Edwin,Hedges and all the rest don't understand that
They don't wanna see that i don't wanna be nagged

I.T and Victor with their endless visits and their endless preaching that
That i'm not supposed to lock myself in the house like that
Who are they to tell me what to do and what not
Edwin and the others with their constent phone calls
Sometimes i just look at the phone and decide not to pick up,sometimes i do
Goddammnit! i have the t.v and the radio to play if i want some noice

And i have this little cottage too to gimme all the comfort
They think and claim to know that i need
Sometimes i feel like moving from this compound to find a place
Where nobody will find me
Sometimes i even think of changing my number-but this one i will
But again this little cottage is affordable in terms of rental
And my furniture inside is so seductively laid out
I love the mangoe trees grown at the back
They gimme the kinda sound from the branches,
Moving back and forth,that soothes my soul

When its hot lik ethis time of the year,the shadows coming thru
The back windows cools it down and i'm able to
Sleep like i've never done before
This little cottage situated at the back of the yard
Holds so many fond memories of my life as a single-independent woman
Most of them are from 2005 and a little bit of them from 2006 end
That is why everywhere i go,everywhere i am
Everything i do in every word i say
My heart,mind,body and soul are always in here
When i put the key thru the door and walk right in
It's like i'm walking right into my life
Coz inside this little cottage i see the person i was before
And the person i am at the moment

I thank you my God..for the little cottage at the back...!

A Ray Of Hope

Somebody once told me that just say,
''My name is Jane,i have 3 kids,take it or fuck off''
Well...this time around i said exactly that and...
Good God! It has never felt this easy,and i've never felt this relieved
I said to myself, ''This is what i should have said from the onset!''

And then he went like, ''where is their father?''
A nagging sound at the back of my mind was going,
''Stick to the truth Jane,stick to the truth''
''Well each one of them has got its own father,but the fathers are no more,
they never stay do they?''
''Wow! Great! then can i be their father?''
Inside i was like, ''what?,God help me o!''

And then.....

The Year Ahead...!

The year that was,has just passed
And another one has just begun
Meaning that i'm gonna grow another year older
That calls for more responsibilities and more maturity
No more no's when you meant yes
Taking things slow and thinking before saying a thing..

I have made my decisions the way i hope they'll work for me this year
I don't wanna hurt anyone, i don't wanna be hurt
I've loved once,i'll never love again the same way
Well i might,but it's not gonna be the same
Oh yeah!..i wanna get my driver's licence this year

I wanna save more and get my mum a camera phone end of the year
I'm gonna help her finish that house she's started building
I'm not gonna buy furniture on credit
I'm gonna buy Vicky,Jeddah & Juniour clothes every month
so that i won't need to buy end of the year-my mum too!
Kgomotso,my neighbour,is pregnant,well i'll get her smth-and the baby too!
I'm gonna open bank accounts for the kids this year-P50/mnth will do!

D.K, yes grandma.I'll make sure i see her at least twice b4 year end
She's fine but she keeps forgetting things
It hurt when she asked me who Vicky was!
There's gonna be more socialising and less drinking
I'll let Doc know that i wanna focus on my future with the kids more
She'll have to overstand even though she doesn't have kids herself-God! at 32!
Well we talked about it and i adviced her that this year she has to see a doctor

There'll just be too much to do this year
And those are my resolutions for the year ahead....