Once written,it's written!

It hurt me so bad.I only came to know this only on saturday.Why now?

I know i was the most intelligent student when i started school at kindergarten.I remember when we opened schools for the first time we were asked to count up to hundred.We started together as a class but when we came to 20 i was the only one left counting alone until i came to hundred.God is my witness i didnt know where all those numbers came from,every number was coming out so swiftly i didnt need time to think which number is next.

When i was doing standard one,i remember being summoned to a standard 5 class and was asked to tell the students(4 years older than me) how to pronounce bird, bad and bed.I was talked about in all the schools i attended, Tawana Nursery School,Mogapinyana Primary School,Bathoen House,Orapa Community Juniour Secondary School,Metsimasweu Juniour Secondary School,Swaneng Hill School and the UB.

What's hurting me now is i only learnt last weekend that when i finished my nursery schooling i was nominated by the De Beers Company(also called Deswana Company-the biggest company this country has ever had,that produces diamonds and brings a huge sum of foreign exchange into the country) to sponsor me to attend my primary level at Livingstone House.It's hurting and it still does,i know i can't turn back the hands of time but i'm mourning over it because Livingstone House is one of the best schools in our country that produces the best students.I hear that one of my teachers at nursery-i had 3 teachers who took us in turns,told the management that they cannot take me because i was too intelligent and she feared that i will go mad if i was to be allowed to attend school at Livingstone!

I'm gonna ask my mum if she knows anything about this!

Good Old Days Gone By

These are the pictures that these little people will see when D.K is gone,because i don't think she'll still be around when the reach their teens.But at least they will have something to show that at one point in their lives they had had a memorable chance to get some pictures with her.

But again i am afraid for Vicky,it's like she's gonna grow up into a tomboy because she's always surrounded by boys.Others tell me that it'll help her not to like boys coz she' s just gonna take them as her friends as she grew up around them..well i donno..maybe and maybe not.She's pictured on the other photo with Juniour,Tevin and Jeddah.On the other pictures they are with D.K,Jeddah on her lap.

She'll be missed...so much...we miss her already,but she's still here you know?.Right now she's in Kgagodi,the little village where some of us were bred and grew up.She's with my aunt-Motlhatswi,her last born daughter.

In many years to come D.K will be thought about,talked about,sung about and praised because she is a woman with a pure heart.She's one person who likes talking out something thats bothering her.She cant keep it to herself-one reason why i wished i was like her.The other time that i dont really wanna think about was the look i saw in her eyes at my dad's funeral when my mum's in-laws were doing as they pleasd to us,the things they said,tantrums they threw...and what pisses me off right now is they wanna pretend it has passed but they don't really know how hurting i still am,and i still plan a revenge on them,i know what i'll do and i know then,they are gonna see that they ain't the only living beings on earth.Enuff about that!

I love you D.K, God knows i do.And i'll always will....

Summer is here,Winter is gone

Summer's....

...when you can wear anything you want,bare back or cover up,or better still,show that navel-ring..
...when you can go anywhere you want,with anyone who dares,and anyone who cares..
...anytime of the day,while the sun shines,you make hay..
...when you can drink anything that'll pass through,without choking..
...anytime of the night..with everyone around..
...when you let your mind,body and soul go free..
...because everything's free..
...i love summer,when the sun sets,cows starting to moo,and the horizon being painted red..
...everything gets back to normal,you'll feel like letting your hands float and fly above the sky..
...i love summer,everything runs so smooth,music soothes every soul..

..yes...i love summer!

Winter's....

...very cold,makes us shiver,teeth tatter,talk in stammer..
...others choose to stay home..
...but others can't,when work comes calling..
...i hate winter,yes..i do..
...especially when i have to explain why i didn't wash the shirts in the washen basket..
...when i have to tell that my hands couldn't stand the feel of cold water..
...how about the dishes in the sink?..
...the tap couldn't run,winter froze inside..
...we can't do anything we want in winter..
..winter please go...

..Oooops!...it's gone...shuu!

...but the Wisdom stays the same

Name: Dikeledi B Koko
Born: xx/xx/1927

Ever since she was born,ever since she came into this world,she had known only one guy,she had kissed only one guy,she had slept with only one guy,she had been faith full to only one guy,she had looked at only one guy the way a woman should look at her man,and she has never looked at any man the same way.

When we had kids,us,her grandchildren,she had always told us that,that should be the only man we ever be with,but it has never happened that way,how i wish i had been like her! But this are the changing times and we aint living in her era.Her husband-my grandfather,died in June 1996.He was called Baitshentse Segwabe Koko(1917-1996).If i had had a camera by then i would have put up his picture for you guys to see.This was a couple made in heaven.

She's sick now,suffered a stroke in 2001.Now her left side aint working.But you know old ladies,they won't rest even though they know they have to.You tell them to sit down and rest,they tell you they want their work done the right way! What right way? Aaag! D.K!

Yah we call her D.K.She doesn't mind though.She has become more like a friend to us than our grandma.But still not forgetting to keep on instilling that wisdom in us,everytime she gets the chance.She was there when i had Vicky,she was there when i had Juniour and was still there when i had Jeddah.Every step of the way telling me to always treasure the will of God as everything happens for a reason.''you are an only child to your mother Seane and these are your little brothers and sister''.everytime she would say that.

The hardest blow the family couldn't take was when she suffered this stroke.She couldn't hold anything right,everytime she did,that thing will fall down.At first we took it for joke,because everytime she tried to stay still she'll keep on shaking and we would laugh at that,but now it hurts to see her do that! There was an instant when she couldn't talk properly,she would talk like a little baby trying to learn how to talk.She would not take hot or warm food,they had to cool first.

I hear she gave birth to 12 kids,now there's only 7 left.There were two pairs of twins and one guy who was the first born-Kenalemotse.He died in 1980 when i was born,but the twins died immediately they were born,she has never kept twins and she concluded that maybe twins were not meant to in our family coz my other cousin called Osetse also had a twin sister who died at birth,but she chose to stay behind,hence the meaning of the name.So in our family there are no twins.Now she's only left with her 5 daughters and 2 sons.

Jimmy Koko
Josephine Kgotlaetsho(married)
Hildah Segwabe(thats our other surname)
Isaih Koko
Mary Molefhe(thats my mum,she got married,even though the husband is late now)
Judith Segwabe
Motlhatswi Koko

Oh D.K! You have accomplished so much! I thank God to have a granny like you bcoz you are not like any other!

If it isn't broken,don't fix it!

Believing too much, loving too much,trusting too much...at the end everything goes down the drain.You look back and find that you havent even moved a single step.Everytime is starting afresh time.When is it going to be okay? When is it gonna end? I've done so much,cried so much,forgiven many a times,i've tried with all that i got,but still everything stays the same..

I was 16,he was going in to 18.Our classes faced inwards.Evrytime i'll stand by the doorway of our class and look at him at his class.He'll be standing at the same spot too,by his class and looking at me.Everytime we did that.And it felt so gr8.It made something in my blood run so fast i would hear my heart beat.We shared so much,people including us believed it gonna be forever.Ours was rekoned as the best relationship of all times at Swaneng Hill School.Well,it's surprising because he was one of the rascals in school but i loved him still.

Haah! What? Now? Oh! he's in the UK now.Stays there.Maybe he's gonna stay there forever coz there's nothing for him here (so it seems to me) Both his parents are late,so what's the use in remaining here anyways? Nothing! And i gues it's best that way coz i donno how the moment shall be the day we lock eyes.I want him to stay there.Ernest i want you to stay,make life in the UK,get married,have kids,do anything,but please remain there....just stay!

Vicky's doing fine.Her two front teeth are out now,i went to check on them over the weekend and i took pictures of her giving me a smile.In fact i wanted that gap in her mouth.She didnt want to smile when i took the pictures,but i told her the gap wont show in the picture.

I still remember the first time we met.I was from the M.P.H,been playing chess there and him from the gym trim.When i was walking to the bus stop i didnt believe it was him calling me from behind.....

Down memory lane...!

Miller and Vivian.If it was possible the whole world would have known how much in love they were,everyone who knew them,had solid evidence just how much these two were meant to be together...for-ever!(if there's anything like the word!)

I remember one time when we were having lunch Vivian will go on and on about how close she and Miller were..**cough**as if i didnt know.She'll tell me about how Miller picks her up at her office when she knocks off.Miller knocks off at his work at 16:30pm,but at that exact time he'll be at Vivian's office,only God knows at what time he would have left his office,he'll accompany her to school,Vivian's classes finish at 8:30pm,and Miller will be waiting for her by her class,they'll go home together,they were co-habiting,a very common situation we find today in Gabz done by most teenagers.

Miller was Vivian's only friend,but Miller had other friends of his whom he normally hang out with.Vivian was not allowed to have any girls as friends.Her life in Gaborone those days were a form of a triangle.From home she'll go to work in the morning,from work to school then from school back to base.It was a life she had grown to accept and live with.To her it was fine.It WAS fine anyway,what was wrong in there? Nothing!

Miller and Vivian met in 1998.It was in a bar back home where Vivian's mum comes from.Surprisingly enough Miller's mum comes from the same place too and as time went on Viv and Miller came to realise that they are related.In fact their mothers were cousins but that didn't stop them from taking what they had developed for each other a step further.To them,they were not related-their mothers were!.Well the relationship was put onhold the whole of 1999 and a good part of 2000 when Viv went for her National Service in Maun.Miller was doing his course at FETE in Gaborone,there were no cellphones and the only quicker mode of communication then was through writting letters and telephoning.

When the schools closed (Viv was teaching at Boyei Primary School in Maun during he national service) Viv came to Gabrone to meet up with Miller as they had appointed in the last letter Viv wrote to Miller.They were supposed to meet at City hall in the main mall.But it didn't happen coz Viv had realised she was pregnant with somebody else's child and she didn't want Miller to see her like that.So till the school vacation was over,Viv went back to Maun without having met with Miller.

Vivian was transfered back to her home village after she had reported to the authorities that she was pregnant.She came and awaited her time of delivery in Serowe.She gave birth to her first child on xmas day early in the morning.It was a baby girl.She was with her aunt at the time of delivery coz her mum went to attend a wedding of her niece in th eastern part of the country.When Vivian's mum came home she was very delighted to find a new baby at home.

Viv and Miller met again sometime in 2000.Ernest was gone now.Just because Miller loved Viv that much he took her back,together with the baby.He told her how he waited for her at Kgagodi.Hoping against hopes that she'll show up for christmas like the year that passed.But he had stories that Viv had fallen pregnant and that she was already laid in.He said he went to Viv's house to comfirm.When he was told that it was true he boardered the next bus back to Gaborone.He said he was very hurt! ''but it's okay now,we have passed that right? I'm over it myself.That's why i still want you back.Bcoz i love you Viv.I couldn't get over you.The reason why i went to Kgagodi was bcoz i wanted to see you.That's all.Please believe that i've totally forgiven you and i want us to start all over again.Please''

And as they say...the rest is history..!!

One tooth on top of a hill...!

When i fell pregnant with this guy,my granny fell sick,my dad stabbed my mum with a knife below the left breast during one of their usual heated arguments,my aunt and her husband got a divorce,my other cousin gave birth through caesarian operation,my boyfriend got mixed up with the police and spent two nights in jail,one of our antient huts at the cattlepost caught fire....

Jeddah(short for Jeddadiah-meaning God's beloved) came at a time when things were not really going well in my family,my dad had taken to his womanising and i gues then he was at his level best,my mum couldn't take it.When i saw her during those times she had lost so much weight i even thought myself that she was gonna die anytime soon.I spent most of my days asking myself what i would if ever i lose her,this woman is one of a kind!

Monday morning of November 04th 2002 around 5am,the waters broke,but there were no pains whatsoever,i was with Rogers Snr and Jnr that time and Vicky was in Serowe with my mum,we called the ambulance and i was rushed to Old Naledi hospital.Still around 10am there were no pains but the waters were still dripping.Around 4pm i was transfered to Princess Marina Hospital where i was given a drip to induce the pains,well i must admit the induced pains are much severe than the natural ones.

And then he came,weighed 4.6o5kg at birth and he was recorded in one of those books in the hospital as the 1st baby born at Princess Marina at that weight.When the nurses asked me what i was eating to give birth to such a huge baby,i just said 'avocado'.True,i used to crave for those.I would even not talk to Rogy if he wont include them in every meal he prepared for me.

I didnt see Jeddah for like two days after he was born and later the doctor told me he was put in an incubator to try and stabilise his carbohydrate content.The guy was huge! I feared for him though..i donno why but i did.I remember everytime when i went to the baby clinic to feed him,other new mothers will be looking enviously at my huge baby as theirs will be so thin and being fed on that milk at the hospital for nutrients.Jeddah didnt really need that at all,i even didnt breast feed him,just one month i gues..everytime i did he got big!

He's my mum's favourite,he eats too much,he's such i nice guy, David Norman couldnt contain himself coz when i told him he came on the 4th of Nov at around 4pm,he was like 'thats when i finished my exam!'.He was so delighted.

Daddy

My mum calls him Daddy,every one in the neighbourhood calls him Jnr,i call him Jnr too because he was name after the father.
Full name: Rogers Jnr Molefhe
Born: 20th October 2001

He resembles everything his father is made up of.Even all those girls Rogers cheated me with knew he had a son who looks exactly like him in every make up he had.Oh God! he's such a cute lil boy.Quiet but very stubborn,he will fight with me,through every thing he'll lay his hands on at me,he'll take my pad and run away with it when am still bathing,he calls it a nappy,he'll ask me on who am gonna put it on bcoz there's no baby here!

He'll try and embarrass me every where we go,one day i took him out to lunch at Barcellos,we were sitting there and this other guy came over to greet us.He was my former school mate.We were talking when all of a sudden Jnr asked me 'is it bcoz of this guy that my father ran away?'

Good Gracious God!

Tsholofelo Victoria Molefhe

You wondering why i aint using the same surname as her?...aaggg!..well my mum said so,my mum's every wish is my command.

I call this girl Vic-tsho-molf.Born 25th December 1999.The best xmas present i ever got.She goes to school now.When they closed for second term vacation she was the over all best student in all the standard one's at Makolojwane Primary School.I wasnt there,but my mum was there,she's always been there,for me,for them,for everyone.She's the best mum anyone could ask for.

Tsholofelo came at 5am,saturday morning/dawn on xmas day of 99.It was raining that blissful morning.I spent the whole night trying to fight with her as she was also trying to come out,the pains were excrutiating i swore i'll never come there again(only God knew what He had in store for me).By that time i was left home in Serowe with my aunt Judith(my mum's sister-after my mum,it's her),my mum's husband was also there,but most of the times he was out,even when the labour pains started he was not there,my mum was in Ramokgonami-where my cousin Dorcas was getting married.

When my mum came back on the 26th she found a visitor at home,i remember looking her in the eyes when she found a new girl at home,tears ran down my face coz i couldn't contain the excitement she had.She had bet that it was gonna be a girl.She's the one who came up with the name Tsholofelo,meaning Hope.

The next day i took a pen and paper and wrote Ernest Krug a letter saying that if ever i see him next to my Daughter,am gonna castrate him!...and i mean it!

Behind that smile...

I donno if i'm the one who said it or its just slipped from my mouth.My mum told me i came around 5:25am..lol..a good one coz Vicky came at 5am herself...the best xmas present i ever got!

Am telling you everytime i'm around some people,friends or family,i try by all means to put up a smile like that,but deep down i'll know it takes all my strength to stretch those muscles around my mouth.I live my days knowing that behind that smile lies the true colours of who i really am.No one,not a single person can change that and no matter how much i'll try to make people see the real person in me,i'll always feel the way i feel,will always live the way i live,will always see sun rise and sun set the same way.God too can also be tired of people doing things that are outta the way and coming back to ask for forgiveness from Him.How many times will He forgive those kinda people?

Behind that smile...lies a dangerous person,in mind, body and soul.She's trying so hard to be the person she wanna be,without jumping to any conclusions,without skipping any line,without counting any chicks b4 they hatch,without saying right is wrong with no proof.I dont wanna say i'll cross the bridge when i get there,i wanna know from now and from here how the road is like to the bridge.

The best advice i ever got from my mum is ''keep smiling even when the going gets tough''...so far**sigh**it has helped...!

'If you can't fly,run.If you can't run,walk.If you can't walk,crawl.Do anything you wanna do,but in everything you do...keep moving' (Martin Luther King Jnr-slain US human rights activist)

He had a dream,thats why he said that.I have a dream too..and my dream is never to hear somebody say to me 'mum,why did you bring me here?'...and am gonna make show i don't live to ever hear that....so help me God..!!