Thursday, December 28, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Marriage..one hell of an Institution...or is it not?
When my mum got married to this guy i didn't like it! I even told her myself.I didn't like this guy.He made my mum go through a lot with his clear and obvious infidelity.He took my mum's love away from me.The love i was showered with for the whole of my first fifteen years.This guy just appeared from the middle of no where and took that away from me!
But my mum cared for him still.We moved to his place in 1994.My mum was transfered to Serowe then from Palapye to work at Furniture Mart.I got my transfer too from Orapa where i was staying with my mum's sister.
We were coming there to stay as a complete family.He came with his son too.Omphile who was one year younger than me.Well the truth is i was told that this guy is my true biological father.We went for a DNA test and they proved that we are both Blood Group O Positive.I hated him so much i even wished in those specimens(if there's a word like that) there were some things that could show we are both O but different somehow.I was told that he ran away when my mother told him that she was pregnant with me.Came back after 15 solid years!
It was fine at first.At least i could also have something to say when people talked about their fathers.But when he started abusing me i started wishing he was dead.I wished i could kill him.I didn't call him dad or father.I didn't know what to call him.When i told my mum that her husband has got a tendency of getting in the bathroom when i'm bathing,my mum would not believe it! She was always taking his side.My mum knocked off at 17:30pm,i left school at 16:00pm and the guy knocked off at 16:30pm.He'll rush to come pick me up at school.I wasn't involved in any sport at school bcoz by exactly 16:00pm he'll be parked at the gate.
He made my life a living hell and all this time i could say nothing to my mum bcoz she would not believe me.Is that how it should be in this institution? You don't have a say in whatever your husband is doing? Even if he multreats your kids you don't say a thing? Why? Because you love him? Can you love your husband more than your kids? If he is a stepdad are you supposed to always take his side? Aaaggg! Mannn! That's bullshit! That's why i don't think i'll ever get somebody for my kids to call their dad.Somebody who'll pretend that he loves them after he marries me he shows his true colours! If it's like that then marriage sucks!
But I almost did it! Rogy proposed on my 24th birthday.Gave me a gold band on the 17th of June 2004.Lol...i donno who bought it now because i sold it like last year to one Indian Jewellery Shop in the Main Mall.Edwin and i talked about getting married until he knew about my other two kids that i had kept away from him.I also remember that my ex,Ernest,who had dreadlocks, used to say that the dagga he used to take meant a lot to him because the name carried two full meanings he treasured so much! He said the word 'marijuana' sounded like Mary and Jane-my mum's name and mine.And then again the word marijuana is like it's saying marry Jane-meaning that he should marry me! WEll i ain't interested in the marriage thing anymore.I gues it's gonna take a bold guy to convince me otherwise!
On the 17th of February 2002 they(my mum and the guy) had a heated quarrell with and he ended up stabbing my mum with a knife below the left breast,by the heart.I gues he wanted to kill her coz at his work he was doing post mortem to dead people so he knew where to stab my mum to end her life.But God is always there.And He was watching.It wasn't my mum's time i gues.
Two weeks down the line he fell sick and died.Of course i didn't cry.When my aunt called to tell me about it i was like, ''is it?'' Another part of me said, ''your mum is out of it now'' and the other said, 'you have your mum's love back!''
I had 3 chances at getting married,and it never happened.The gold ring that Rogy gave me had 3 diamonds on it.I could have been a teacher,an accountant or a PR, 3 posts i gave away just like that.I have 3 kids i adore so much.Fuck! what's with the number 3?! oh! shit! Dammnnit! i even had the operation on the 3rd!
But my mum cared for him still.We moved to his place in 1994.My mum was transfered to Serowe then from Palapye to work at Furniture Mart.I got my transfer too from Orapa where i was staying with my mum's sister.
We were coming there to stay as a complete family.He came with his son too.Omphile who was one year younger than me.Well the truth is i was told that this guy is my true biological father.We went for a DNA test and they proved that we are both Blood Group O Positive.I hated him so much i even wished in those specimens(if there's a word like that) there were some things that could show we are both O but different somehow.I was told that he ran away when my mother told him that she was pregnant with me.Came back after 15 solid years!
It was fine at first.At least i could also have something to say when people talked about their fathers.But when he started abusing me i started wishing he was dead.I wished i could kill him.I didn't call him dad or father.I didn't know what to call him.When i told my mum that her husband has got a tendency of getting in the bathroom when i'm bathing,my mum would not believe it! She was always taking his side.My mum knocked off at 17:30pm,i left school at 16:00pm and the guy knocked off at 16:30pm.He'll rush to come pick me up at school.I wasn't involved in any sport at school bcoz by exactly 16:00pm he'll be parked at the gate.
He made my life a living hell and all this time i could say nothing to my mum bcoz she would not believe me.Is that how it should be in this institution? You don't have a say in whatever your husband is doing? Even if he multreats your kids you don't say a thing? Why? Because you love him? Can you love your husband more than your kids? If he is a stepdad are you supposed to always take his side? Aaaggg! Mannn! That's bullshit! That's why i don't think i'll ever get somebody for my kids to call their dad.Somebody who'll pretend that he loves them after he marries me he shows his true colours! If it's like that then marriage sucks!
But I almost did it! Rogy proposed on my 24th birthday.Gave me a gold band on the 17th of June 2004.Lol...i donno who bought it now because i sold it like last year to one Indian Jewellery Shop in the Main Mall.Edwin and i talked about getting married until he knew about my other two kids that i had kept away from him.I also remember that my ex,Ernest,who had dreadlocks, used to say that the dagga he used to take meant a lot to him because the name carried two full meanings he treasured so much! He said the word 'marijuana' sounded like Mary and Jane-my mum's name and mine.And then again the word marijuana is like it's saying marry Jane-meaning that he should marry me! WEll i ain't interested in the marriage thing anymore.I gues it's gonna take a bold guy to convince me otherwise!
On the 17th of February 2002 they(my mum and the guy) had a heated quarrell with and he ended up stabbing my mum with a knife below the left breast,by the heart.I gues he wanted to kill her coz at his work he was doing post mortem to dead people so he knew where to stab my mum to end her life.But God is always there.And He was watching.It wasn't my mum's time i gues.
Two weeks down the line he fell sick and died.Of course i didn't cry.When my aunt called to tell me about it i was like, ''is it?'' Another part of me said, ''your mum is out of it now'' and the other said, 'you have your mum's love back!''
I had 3 chances at getting married,and it never happened.The gold ring that Rogy gave me had 3 diamonds on it.I could have been a teacher,an accountant or a PR, 3 posts i gave away just like that.I have 3 kids i adore so much.Fuck! what's with the number 3?! oh! shit! Dammnnit! i even had the operation on the 3rd!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Hallellujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music,do ya?
It goes like this the 4th the 5th
The minor fall The major lift
The baffled King composing hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
Baby i been here before,
I know this room
I've walked this floor
I used to live here alone
Before i knew you
I've seen your flag,
On a marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
All i ever learned from love
Is how to shoot at someone,
Who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
(soundtrack to Shrek 1-it really does it for me)
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music,do ya?
It goes like this the 4th the 5th
The minor fall The major lift
The baffled King composing hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
Baby i been here before,
I know this room
I've walked this floor
I used to live here alone
Before i knew you
I've seen your flag,
On a marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
All i ever learned from love
Is how to shoot at someone,
Who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallellujah
**hallellujah,hallellujah** x2
(soundtrack to Shrek 1-it really does it for me)
Everyday...and everynight..!
Psalm 91:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Who abides in the shadow of the Almighty
Will say to the Lord,
''My refuge and my fortress: my God in whom i trust''
For he will deliver you from the share of the fowler:
And from the deadly pestilence:
He will cover you with his pinions.
And under his wings you will find refuge:
His faithfullness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the flies by day,
Nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Nor the destruction on that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
Ten thousands at your right hand:
But it will not come near you
You will only look with your eyes:
And see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your refuge,
The Most High your habitation.
No evil shall befall you,
No scourge come near your tent
For he will give his angel charge of you
To guard you in all your ways
On their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder,
The young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot.
Because he cleaves to me in love,
I will deliver him,
I will protect him,
Because he knows my name.
Whe he calls to me,
I will answer him:
I will be with him in trouble,
I will rescue him and honour him.
With long life i will satisfy him,
And show him my salvation.
Amen.
Psalm 121:
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From whence does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved.
He who keeps you will not slumber
Behold,he who keeps Israel,
Will neither slumber nor sleep
The Lord is your keeper
The Lord is your shade on your right hand
The sun shall not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil,
He will keep your life
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and for ever more
Amen.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Who abides in the shadow of the Almighty
Will say to the Lord,
''My refuge and my fortress: my God in whom i trust''
For he will deliver you from the share of the fowler:
And from the deadly pestilence:
He will cover you with his pinions.
And under his wings you will find refuge:
His faithfullness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the flies by day,
Nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Nor the destruction on that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
Ten thousands at your right hand:
But it will not come near you
You will only look with your eyes:
And see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your refuge,
The Most High your habitation.
No evil shall befall you,
No scourge come near your tent
For he will give his angel charge of you
To guard you in all your ways
On their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder,
The young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot.
Because he cleaves to me in love,
I will deliver him,
I will protect him,
Because he knows my name.
Whe he calls to me,
I will answer him:
I will be with him in trouble,
I will rescue him and honour him.
With long life i will satisfy him,
And show him my salvation.
Amen.
Psalm 121:
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From whence does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved.
He who keeps you will not slumber
Behold,he who keeps Israel,
Will neither slumber nor sleep
The Lord is your keeper
The Lord is your shade on your right hand
The sun shall not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil,
He will keep your life
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and for ever more
Amen.
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